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First Timer. Hi there.

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:48 PM
  • 22 Replies

My DH and I have 2 DDs together (4 and 1), married 3 years. My "skids" are 2 ss- age 13 & 10 and lovely little sd age 8. I feel like we have every problem listed here. Our visitation schedule doesn't work for us. The kids have activities that we are expected to bring them to- sometimes hours from our home, during times we are supposed to be at work. We are never consulted, just handed a schedule. Many times this results in countless texts/emails from bm berating my dh, saying he is a terrible person and dad, etc. Just because he has to work and can't drive somewhere. He has no sick or vacation, just hourly. My DH pays more than the maximum child support, and now bm is coming after us for more health care payments etc. His checking account balance is negative most weeks paying for bm and her family to go on carribbean vacations, sports trips and get name brand clothes for the 3 oldest while my parents pay for everything for our 2 youngest. He doesn't want to make things worse by taking her back to court to adjust for his current salary. He thinks she will do more to poison the kids against him. And again, if we can't afford to do something with them like take them for a week's vacation, the bm uses that as an opp to tell DH that he is a terrible dad and that they hate him because we don't do fun things. We want to be very involved but often feel so unwelcome by bm. It can be very hard. How can we start to fix this? I'm scared we might lose our home if we don't adjust support, but I don't want to rock the boat more than it already is. I also want the relationship with her to be better, but the two of them seriously hate each other. Should I reach out on my own?

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:54 PM
2 moms liked this

1. DO NOT REACH OUT TO BM! That almost ALWAYS end horribly.

2. What does the CO say in regards to EC activities?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:56 PM

What is the current visitation schedule?

How far away do you live from the kids?

How much a month in support do you pay?

Explain more about the medical costs she wants you to pay.

SMInProgress
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 4:58 PM
3 moms liked this

Firstly, welcome! Secondly, I always suggest this to newbies &/or new stepmoms, have you read the book StepMonster? I recommend it. It will outline PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) which is what the bio mom seems to be doing to the kids based on your statement, "He thinks she will do more to poison the kids against him".  Welcome again & good luck.

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 5:00 PM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like you really need to go get a new CO.  .  You can't live like that. 

You could always just tell BM fine go get it adjusted and they will contact him for his information.  Then you guys aren't the bad guys when they lower it. 

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 5:03 PM

It sounds like the only thing that can be done is to get the support adjusted.  What do you mean his account is negative because he is paying for BM and her family to do and have things?

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I do not understand why he is willing to go broke. If CS needs to be adjusted, then he needs to get a modification.  She's going to do what she is going to do regardless. 

As for what BM spends the money on, I highly doubt that it is as exaggerated as you say. If she is indeed spending the CS on things like that and not on the kids, then she is only hurting the kids, not DH. 

Stay away from BM.  She hates him and the feeling is mutual, well, that is just a recipe for disaster as she more than likely hates you by proxy.  Stay away!

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 5:16 PM
1 mom liked this
This can go either way for me. I need more info. Answer parrot's questions and I'll formulate an opinion.
Jennynalo
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 5:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like he probably needs to grow a pair. You guys should be able to be providing for them while they're with you on your scheduled days and if you can't even do that something's wrong. She sounds like she'd take the clothes off his back if he allowed her too. Someone has to put their foot down
CalmCoolMe
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:42 PM

I'm not sure what the CO says- I didn't realize there would be something specific about EC activities in there. I feel like such a rookie!

CalmCoolMe
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:47 PM

What is the current visitation schedule?

The visitation right now is Tues/Thurs and every other weekend. I wish we could do one week on, one week off, but bm is very against that.


How far away do you live from the kids?

We live about 20 minutes away from them. Separate schools, etc, but not far at all.

How much a month in support do you pay?
$1700.00 

Explain more about the medical costs she wants you to pay.
She decided that our insurance coverage was not good and that she would prefer to have the children on her plan. Now she has informed us that we will need to pay all of a bill for ds2 having his tonsils out and that she expects us to cover ds1's braces that she will have him get this year. These are major expenses. Obviously we want the kids to be healthy, and the tonsils had to go- poor kid was ALWAYS ill- but we can't swing both of those huge bills. Both are considered elective and insurance doesn't cover them very well.  

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