Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

So...took some advice...how did I handle this situation tonight? *Update*

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:01 PM
  • 73 Replies
2 moms liked this

So, from my first post I got some good advice. I have been more relaxed acting on this advice. So I wanted to share my experience tonight and see how you would have handled it different for possible future incidents like this.

Ok, so tonight I had a nice little time with my SD (sarcasm). I feed them dinner. SD eats half her dinner and says she is full. So, I said eat just a little more (since I know she can eat more than that, I give her small servings, she doesn't eat much being a tiny thing and give her seconds if she wants more) and she can have ice cream tonight when their dinner settles in a little bit. She says, I don't want ice cream tonight, I can have some tomorrow. I said, Ok that's fine, just remember this is all you are getting tonight and you want ice cream tomorrow. She said, Yep! and hops down from the table to go play outside. My youngest DD had ice cream earlier when we were out so I didn't give her any but my oldest finished her dinner and so I gave her a little ice cream. (I do ice cream about two times a week, so not too often...grandpa likes to spoil them and give them popcicles and takes them to ice cream a couple times a week as well).

Fast forward to getting ready for bed time. She comes in and says she isn't full anymore. I said, Ok, but it's time to get ready for bed, it's too late for ice cream and you said you will have yours tomorrow. She starts pouting and saying "No, I didn't say that! I was saying it to someone else!" I said, "No, you said that to me, and we agreed on tomorrow you will have ice cream." She stays in here a few more minutes pouting and saying "No! I'm not getting ready for bed, I'm not showering or getting in my PJs, I'm sleeping in my clothes!" So, I told her to please go to her room and wait for her dad to come home. She says,  "I'm not talking to him!" I finally get her to go to her room and as she walks out she gives me a nasty look and sticks her tongue out at me. I said, your dad will come talk to you when he gets home.

Now, before I probably would have fought with her a little more about it and made her get into pj's and go to bed. But, I decided...nope...I'm not getting worked up about this. I will message her dad (usually do anyways), he is still at work, and tell him what happened so he can come home and talk to her, discipline her...whatever.

Now, I think that is what the advice was saying to do lol Just take a step back and stop thinking so much about playing the parent role, but more of the adult role. Letting dad come home and deal with it.

So...how do you think I did? What would you do different?


UPDATE: So some are wondering what did dad do. Here is the rest of the night...

So, before dad got home, I went to check on how bedtime prep was going and SD comes out and tells me, "Nicole, GG(that's what she calls her grandma) told me the other day that I need to talk to the judge to go to her house."  I was thinking, Huh? ...her grandma is telling her to talk to a judge to stay with them?...well isn't that nice. So, I told her that I know she is upset with how things went tonight.. she interrupts and says she wants to go to GG's house. I said I know and explained that I know things are different here but I and her dad are not doing things to be mean. That she told me she wanted ice cream tomorrow and it was too late to change her mind and she doesn't need to come out to tell me something to try and hurt my feelings. (she has used the living with GG and her mom tactic before towards me saying her mom told her that SD can live where ever she wants). ...so anyway, I calmed the situation down. I sat down and told her, "You know what? I love you, and I'm not trying to be mean. You told me that you wanted ice cream tomorrow. Well, tomorrow I am going back to the store and I plan on getting new ice cream. What kind sounds good to you?" That cheered her up and she got her PJs on.

So, dad coming home: He talked to her firmly that he didn't like how she acted. Asked her what happened...She says that I told her she couldn't have ice cream and yelled at her. He said he knows that's not what happened, that it wasn't nice treating me that way and lying is not right. That when she says something and knows she said it then lies about it because she changed her mind is not right. She pouted and said sorry. Said some other things along the lines of behaving and not putting up with throwing fits...  

In the end everything turned out ok. I told him about the wanting to go to GG's house after kids were in bed and he said he will talk to her about that, too. He is upset that GG is saying stuff like that to her as well.

by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:01 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:09 PM
seems good.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:09 PM
2 moms liked this
Honestly YSD is like that with her eating habits. I would have offered a snack like a cheese stick or something quick and easy but not I've cream. Or given her her plate again. She falls asleep much easier that way. It's not a battle worth fighting. Plus she needs the calories.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:10 PM
I do think what you did was fine though.
Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:20 PM

Yeah, SD is a weird eater. Some days she eats often and some days she hardly wants to eat. I even used to fight her on finishing her dinner but my DH and I talked about doing things like this, if they are full, then they are full and done for the night instead of forcing them to eat. I read somewhere that that was not a good thing to do...so we stopped. But I know tonight she could have had a few more bites and I wanted her to get more in her tummy.

Edit: Not force as in shove it down their throats, but ya know, say they have to finish before they leave the table and so on.

Quoting Polkadotted:

Honestly YSD is like that with her eating habits. I would have offered a snack like a cheese stick or something quick and easy but not I've cream. Or given her her plate again. She falls asleep much easier that way. It's not a battle worth fighting. Plus she needs the calories.


KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:23 PM
Sounds good to me!
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I often save DD5 and DD6 plates if they don't finish. It never fails that they decide they want more later. And, if for some reason they don't, then I take care of it at 7pm (that gives them an hour to eat).

And I agree, forcing them to clean their plate isn't a good idea, sometimes you really just aren't that hungry. Our rule is that you have to have eaten enough food to keep you healthy to get dessert (not an issue with SD13 and DS10, LOL, but definitely an issue with the younger girls). Basically a majority of their veggies, and some meat.


Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

Yeah, SD is a weird eater. Some days she eats often and some days she hardly wants to eat. I even used to fight her on finishing her dinner but my DH and I talked about doing things like this, if they are full, then they are full and done for the night instead of forcing them to eat. I read somewhere that that was not a good thing to do...so we stopped. But I know tonight she could have had a few more bites and I wanted her to get more in her tummy.

Quoting Polkadotted:

Honestly YSD is like that with her eating habits. I would have offered a snack like a cheese stick or something quick and easy but not I've cream. Or given her her plate again. She falls asleep much easier that way. It's not a battle worth fighting. Plus she needs the calories.




SMInProgress
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Great job!

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this
That's the way to do it.

Myself, I would have given her some carrots or something but that's just me. If she really was hungry that would fix it but it wouldn't be a treat like ice cream :)
nubianMommy2
by on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:55 PM
2 moms liked this

The good thing about little ones is that we know they don't have the same appetites we adults do. They WILL eat (as stubborn as they are!!!) as much as they need. For my son (3 next month), once dinner time is over, it's over. I don't let the whole "I'm still hungry" bit work because he'll try it EVERY DAY if I let him off once. The few times I have allowed him (BEFORE) brush teeth time, I will give him his plate RIGHT back. If he knew he was getting a snack (which he only gets if he finishes the majority of his meal), he wouldn't eat the food on his plate. My son's name is Shomari....which means forceful...and he's two....yikes!!! He's a difficult one haha.

The only thing I would say is once you release the stress related to dealing with LO, then I would try to slowly begin disciplining her. You wouldn't want her to ONLY listen to your husband and have no respect for you. Obviously, you pick your battles ("Mom ALWAYS wins the battle in the bathroom, or dinner, or transition, etc. so THAT'S what we're working on every....single....day!") but I wouldn't know what to do if I had to depend on my husband every day for every situation!

Good luck. Gotta love the little ones and their "independence" (eek!)

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 3, 2013 at 11:27 PM
3 moms liked this

True. But I think offering her carrots would have pissed her off more! lol Like WTF, carrots? Are you crazy, lady?! lol

Quoting chanizen:

That's the way to do it.

Myself, I would have given her some carrots or something but that's just me. If she really was hungry that would fix it but it wouldn't be a treat like ice cream :)


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)