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It's not fair to her if you do it just for him!

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:23 PM
  • 31 Replies

Today Bm came down to visit the new place and to pick up SS7's school clothes money.

We sat chatting while DH was waking up/getting dressed.

All 5 of her kids went back Wednesday to school-she told SD12 and SS7 that DH will only allow them 1 EC this school year so it doesn't interfere with vistation. BM agrees.

SD12 is doing cheerleading, ss7 is torn between wrestling and baseball.

SD12 is a very active child, she's always been into gymnastics/tumbling/cheer. This year all 3 of BM's girls are in cheerleading.

BM was explaining about competition-having to be there literally all day long because she's got all 3 girls enrolled.

Dh mentioned he was glad he didn't have to deal with a "room full of drama queens" times ten of SD12

BM and I just looked at him. I asked him if he was gonna attempt to attend practices or competition, he rolled his eyes and was like "HELL NO!"

Wrong answer buddy.

Bm and i both got on his ass about that.  And BM's right-he attended all the practices/games for SS7 when he does baseball-why can't he do the same for SD12?

I told him straight-you can't favor you son over your daughter. I know she's not your blood, but she is still your daughter and wants her daddy there for support!

I told Bm to let me know the schedule as soon as she could-and I'll make sure we clear time for SD12. This is something that child is passionate about other then her drawing,damn it I'll gladly support her in anything that makes her happy!


by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bottomline
by Silver Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:35 PM

 Great point! You have once again nailed it. He needs to show support for both children. They notice things like that and it impacts their self esteem and attitude greatly.  They can almost become resentful watching  "favortism" like this. I am sure he doesn't want that to happen?  

I am glad you and bm are on the same page with this one. Men sometimes need the frying pan! lol 

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:36 PM

Completely agree with you about attending competitions, but as far as practice is concerned, if BM is going to handle taking her to all her practices, he shouldn't have to go.  It's just practice and rehearsing.  The important thing is for him to be at competitions to cheer her on.  Is he supposed to take SD12 to practice?  Does his time with her coincide with the practice schedule?

If it does, then yeah, he should take her to practice.  But if he doesn't have to provide transportation...he shouldn't have to go.  It would probably mean more to her if she could show off a few new moves when he's with you all and have him go "atta girl" than to have a dad with a bad attitude that's forced to attend something he doesn't want to attend...on a regular basis.

You know DH better than any of us do...do you really think he'd be able to put on his game face for regular practices?

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:37 PM
Good job! DD was always CRUSHED when BF didn't make it to her stuff.
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting bottomline:

 Great point! You have once again nailed it. He needs to show support for both children. They notice things like that and it impacts their self esteem and attitude greatly.  They can almost become resentful watching  "favortism" like this. I am sure he doesn't want that to happen?  

I am glad you and bm are on the same page with this one. Men sometimes need the frying pan! lol 

Whenever Princess has a school function-DH is the first one there! same with ss7 with his ec's. When sd12 was in soccer and softball he always attended-i don't know WHY he wouldn't attend cheerleading events as well.

I did it for my sister-it means sooo much to the child!

My frying pan's nearly done for with all the use I've gotten from it!


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:45 PM


Quoting GlockMom:

Good job! DD was always CRUSHED when BF didn't make it to her stuff.

he's an asshole then for missing out!


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:48 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

Completely agree with you about attending competitions, but as far as practice is concerned, if BM is going to handle taking her to all her practices, he shouldn't have to go.  It's just practice and rehearsing.  The important thing is for him to be at competitions to cheer her on.  Is he supposed to take SD12 to practice?  Does his time with her coincide with the practice schedule?

If it does, then yeah, he should take her to practice.  But if he doesn't have to provide transportation...he shouldn't have to go.  It would probably mean more to her if she could show off a few new moves when he's with you all and have him go "atta girl" than to have a dad with a bad attitude that's forced to attend something he doesn't want to attend...on a regular basis.

You know DH better than any of us do...do you really think he'd be able to put on his game face for regular practices?

well right now practices are monday/wednesdays-all the girls attend so BM takes them (dh works during these practices)

HOWEVER-she explained to us both-when competition's coming up-the coaches are gonna want more practices

sd12 already needs to practice her toe touches and high kicks and handstands. i've been working with her on that-bm did say there may be a few times he'll have to drive sd12 to a practice however she'll give us ample notice.

He can grumble all he wants-he was there for everything for ss7's baseball so it won't kill him to attend a practice or 2.

She really looks up to DH and needs to realize she still needs his support no matter what.


sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Sep. 5, 2013 at 6:01 PM

Yeah, if it's only one or two practices that he'll have to attend, I say suck it up and put a smile on your face, DH!


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting sandeeyo:

Completely agree with you about attending competitions, but as far as practice is concerned, if BM is going to handle taking her to all her practices, he shouldn't have to go.  It's just practice and rehearsing.  The important thing is for him to be at competitions to cheer her on.  Is he supposed to take SD12 to practice?  Does his time with her coincide with the practice schedule?

If it does, then yeah, he should take her to practice.  But if he doesn't have to provide transportation...he shouldn't have to go.  It would probably mean more to her if she could show off a few new moves when he's with you all and have him go "atta girl" than to have a dad with a bad attitude that's forced to attend something he doesn't want to attend...on a regular basis.

You know DH better than any of us do...do you really think he'd be able to put on his game face for regular practices?

well right now practices are monday/wednesdays-all the girls attend so BM takes them (dh works during these practices)

HOWEVER-she explained to us both-when competition's coming up-the coaches are gonna want more practices

sd12 already needs to practice her toe touches and high kicks and handstands. i've been working with her on that-bm did say there may be a few times he'll have to drive sd12 to a practice however she'll give us ample notice.

He can grumble all he wants-he was there for everything for ss7's baseball so it won't kill him to attend a practice or 2.

She really looks up to DH and needs to realize she still needs his support no matter what.



Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 6:05 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

Yeah, if it's only one or two practices that he'll have to attend, I say suck it up and put a smile on your face, DH!


Quoting Tigress22304:


Quoting sandeeyo:

Completely agree with you about attending competitions, but as far as practice is concerned, if BM is going to handle taking her to all her practices, he shouldn't have to go.  It's just practice and rehearsing.  The important thing is for him to be at competitions to cheer her on.  Is he supposed to take SD12 to practice?  Does his time with her coincide with the practice schedule?

If it does, then yeah, he should take her to practice.  But if he doesn't have to provide transportation...he shouldn't have to go.  It would probably mean more to her if she could show off a few new moves when he's with you all and have him go "atta girl" than to have a dad with a bad attitude that's forced to attend something he doesn't want to attend...on a regular basis.

You know DH better than any of us do...do you really think he'd be able to put on his game face for regular practices?

well right now practices are monday/wednesdays-all the girls attend so BM takes them (dh works during these practices)

HOWEVER-she explained to us both-when competition's coming up-the coaches are gonna want more practices

sd12 already needs to practice her toe touches and high kicks and handstands. i've been working with her on that-bm did say there may be a few times he'll have to drive sd12 to a practice however she'll give us ample notice.

He can grumble all he wants-he was there for everything for ss7's baseball so it won't kill him to attend a practice or 2.

She really looks up to DH and needs to realize she still needs his support no matter what.



pretty much what BM and I both said to him. GOD FORBID he has to give up a few hours watching his daughter bounce around instead of laying in bed watching tv *eyeroll*


terpmama
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 6:11 PM
From your op it sounds like he isn't bio dad... Did I read that right ?
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 6:36 PM


Quoting terpmama:

From your op it sounds like he isn't bio dad... Did I read that right ?

yes DH came into her life when she was around 1. Bm and DH married when she was 4 or 5 and divorced just a few months later.

But he's always been "dad".

She knows he is not her bio dad, but accepts him as dad.

She knows her bio dad, but doesn't accept him as dad.



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