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Is there anything I can do?

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM
  • 23 Replies

My ex has a new girl around, he says there not together, but I could'nt care less about that.

My issue is, the liberties he lets her take with our son.  This woman is from the same small town I'm from, so I know quite a bit about her.  Things that he seems to not know.  Like her extensive history with herion use and being in jail for prostitution.  She doesnt have custody of her four kids for those very reasons, but she seems to think its ok to try to parent my child like I'm not there.


Yesterday ex was dropping off DS, and she was with him, ex handed over son and while I was holding noticed he had a dirty diaper.  I was about to lay him down to change him, when she jump up and grabbed me from him and proceeded to change his diaper, and went into his room and picked out a clean outfit for him.  I was really shocked at how forward she was being.  I just stood there trying to tell ex I wasnt uncomfort with her in my house, she walks up saying that I'm nasty cuz I bathe with my child, and obviously need help in caring for DS.

I was pissed and told her she needed to leave, and she tried to leave with my son in her arms.  I'm seriously freaked out.  I think ex is talking shit about to make me look incompetent, and she's trying to push me out of the way.  She's been around my son for about two weeks now, and she's trying to teach DS to call her Titi.


Ex, and I have been seperated since March, but are still leagally married.  Can I just not let him take DS for visits anymore?  I've been saving up so that I can get a lawyer, but it'll be awhile before I can actually afford going to court for the divorce and custody.  


by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM

I would tell the ex she is not allowed on your property and if she comes back on your property you will call the police. That is insane. I would deny visitation but just not allow her in your home. I would give it to him in writing.

USBrit
by Silver Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:08 PM

If all the things you say are true, absolutely I wouldn't let my child around her. I would never let anyone take my child out of my arms and change them, OR go into my home. PERIOD....even if they weren't using drugs, hadn't lost custody of their children, wasn't a prostitute, etc. Your child, your decision.

beaularson91
by Janice on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this


I did tell him to not bring her here again. In the heat of the moment I told him, that if hse was with him when he comes to pick DS up next week, that I wouldnt let him take him. He theatened calling the cops.  That's why I'm wondering if what I did was ok, or if the cops would make me give DS to him.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I would tell the ex she is not allowed on your property and if she comes back on your property you will call the police. That is insane. I would deny visitation but just not allow her in your home. I would give it to him in writing.



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:28 PM
3 moms liked this


There is no CO so the cops probably wouldn't do anything.

Quoting beaularson91:


I did tell him to not bring her here again. In the heat of the moment I told him, that if hse was with him when he comes to pick DS up next week, that I wouldnt let him take him. He theatened calling the cops.  That's why I'm wondering if what I did was ok, or if the cops would make me give DS to him.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I would tell the ex she is not allowed on your property and if she comes back on your property you will call the police. That is insane. I would deny visitation but just not allow her in your home. I would give it to him in writing.





beaularson91
by Janice on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:30 PM


Those are things that happened years ago, this is the first time I've even heard about her in 6 years. I put those in there to show ex's bad judgment.  And if I have the right to deny him visitation.


Quoting USBrit:

If all the things you say are true, absolutely I wouldn't let my child around her. I would never let anyone take my child out of my arms and change them, OR go into my home. PERIOD....even if they weren't using drugs, hadn't lost custody of their children, wasn't a prostitute, etc. Your child, your decision.



Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:36 PM
2 moms liked this

No CO, he can call the cops all he wants. If you don't feel that your child is safe with her, you can deny him until there is a CO in place. When I was filing for custody, they told me to not let my ex have them because he could take off and there is nothing I could do without a CO. And I'm pretty sure you are allowed to not allow a person on your property and definitly not in your house. Good lawd if that was me and my ex's gf was like that...the door would be hitting her ass on the way out as quick as she put one foot through the door.

beaularson91
by Janice on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:43 PM


Can he use me denying visits against me in court?  Sorry, I dont  know how any of this works, I've never had to do any of this before.

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

No CO, he can call the cops all he wants. If you don't feel that your child is safe with her, you can deny him until there is a CO in place. When I was filing for custody, they told me to not let my ex have them because he could take off and there is nothing I could do without a CO. And I'm pretty sure you are allowed to not allow a person on your property and definitly not in your house. Good lawd if that was me and my ex's gf was like that...the door would be hitting her ass on the way out as quick as she put one foot through the door.



Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 5, 2013 at 10:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Hm, I doubt it. You can say that from what you know of his gf, you do not feel comfortable with your child with him so you did not let him take your son. It was easy in my case because my ex, is a long story, but he wasn't around, he didn't fight for the kids, didn't show up to court and has been to jail twice now (traffic stuff, driving without a DL, etc). He is doing better now and getting his life together...I have yet to met his gf. But honestly, you won't get into trouble, courts shouldn't look down on you for watching out for your child. Hell, you can even use this against them, she barged into your home without permission and took your sons clothes that did not belong to her. I would just record every incident, keep any proof of her crazy actions, keep his texts if there are threats...etc. You'll need them if you really want this woman to not be around/alone with your son.

Quoting beaularson91:


Can he use me denying visits against me in court?  Sorry, I dont  know how any of this works, I've never had to do any of this before.

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

No CO, he can call the cops all he wants. If you don't feel that your child is safe with her, you can deny him until there is a CO in place. When I was filing for custody, they told me to not let my ex have them because he could take off and there is nothing I could do without a CO. And I'm pretty sure you are allowed to not allow a person on your property and definitly not in your house. Good lawd if that was me and my ex's gf was like that...the door would be hitting her ass on the way out as quick as she put one foot through the door.




beaularson91
by Janice on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM
1 mom liked this


Ok, thanks for the advice.  I will deffinitly start keeping notes on everything that happens.

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

Hm, I doubt it. You can say that from what you know of his gf, you do not feel comfortable with your child with him so you did not let him take your son. It was easy in my case because my ex, is a long story, but he wasn't around, he didn't fight for the kids, didn't show up to court and has been to jail twice now (traffic stuff, driving without a DL, etc). He is doing better now and getting his life together...I have yet to met his gf. But honestly, you won't get into trouble, courts shouldn't look down on you for watching out for your child. Hell, you can even use this against them, she barged into your home without permission and took your sons clothes that did not belong to her. I would just record every incident, keep any proof of her crazy actions, keep his texts if there are threats...etc. You'll need them if you really want this woman to not be around/alone with your son.

Quoting beaularson91:


Can he use me denying visits against me in court?  Sorry, I dont  know how any of this works, I've never had to do any of this before.

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

No CO, he can call the cops all he wants. If you don't feel that your child is safe with her, you can deny him until there is a CO in place. When I was filing for custody, they told me to not let my ex have them because he could take off and there is nothing I could do without a CO. And I'm pretty sure you are allowed to not allow a person on your property and definitly not in your house. Good lawd if that was me and my ex's gf was like that...the door would be hitting her ass on the way out as quick as she put one foot through the door.






teaspring
by Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:04 PM
1 mom liked this

The laws vary state to state.  I'm in NC, and basically, it's "possession is nine tenths of the law" - in other words, without a court-ordered custody agreement, whoever is in possession of the child HAS the child, and the parent who does not have the child in their possession is basically SOL (extenuating circumstances not provided I mean).  

Which is why I consulted an attorny and had paperwork being drawn up before I ever took the children and left. 

I would advise VERY strongly that you go directly to your local offices of the Department of Social Services (or whatever your region/area has named it) and apply for assistance with child custody and child support.  If they can help you with either, they will.  Go prepared - have any evidence-type material you might need for any reason that might come up... police reports, warrants, arrest records, income information, medical records if you can obtain them quickly, school records that show the children's residence address and yours match, utility bill, phone bill, bank account information, phone numbers you might need... in other words, take anything and everything you can think of that might help answer any questions they have of you or that could assist you regarding forms you might be asked to fill out.  The reason I say to go in so prepared is to help speed things along... DSS can be notoriously slow (believe me, I know from experience), so the more information you have with you (that you won't have to ask them to wait while you obtain and supply it to them) the better. 

The sooner you do this, the better off YOU will be, and likely your chiild, too, seeing as this woman he has chosen to be with has such a stellar background... ~sarcasm~


Best wishes and lotsa hugzzz momma

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