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new here, seeking advice.

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM
  • 14 Replies
Hello all. I am a stepmother to a 10-year-old boy, and I have a 3-year old son that my husband and I had together. We have been married 3 years and together 4 1/2. We have our stepson half the time. It works out to 4 days one week, 3 days the next. Recently as my biological son is getting older I find myself wanting another child. My husband is content and does not want another. I have tried giving him time, but he stays the same, saying if thats what will make me happy he will. I just feel like thats not the right attitude to bring a baby into the world. I love my stepson, but he's not mine. I find myself feeling sorry for myself and that its not fair. Am I being selfish? Should I be content with what I have been blessed with? Has anyone had similiar situations?
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM
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by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 11:38 PM
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First, be happy dh wants you happy. Babies freak men out and if he wasn't intoxicated all three probably wouldn't have happened. LOL second, only you should be the one to decide if you should have a baby not cm.If you want more go for it :) There will never be a right time so just do it! I waver daily on a hysterectomy or a kid. You should not feel selfish for wanting more bks. It's interesting how many feel like this. Ss is dhs not yours. You may love him a lot but when push comes to shove BM is getting the kidney! :) You're blessed, but babies are God's greatest blessings and if you're good at mothering have at it.
by Silver Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 10:23 AM
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Um, I had 4 children, so I am not sure what the magic number is to feel content, but having steps or not, should not determine the number of children you have yourself. If you desire another baby, that should have nothing to do with anything except your desire for another child. 

by Silver Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 10:32 AM

I dont understand. He said if you want one he was willing. He is man. He is not going to jump for joy over it and he would tell you if it was a flat out no. I think you are looking into this too much. Do what makes you happy. I have two skids and one bio. My DH has said flat out NO MORE KIDS and went and got a vascetomy. This is what we agreed to before we got married so I knew it would only be one and while it makes me sad sometimes I knew what I got into.

by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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 Most men don't have the urge to want to have more children (except my husband, he loves to have more kids). So, don't feel bad if your husband is not jumping over the hoop hearing it. You have a good husband who will be willing to do it to make you happy.  If I were you, I'd tell the husband I'd wait and think it over with him until I am 100% sure that I want another child (as a compromise and reciprocal to his willingness to do it to make me happy).

My friend got married to a widower with 2 daughters. After the marriage, the husband wasn't thinking about having another child. Yet, when my friend brought up the subject and the husband said the same thing like your husband. She is now  a few months pregnant with a baby boy.

by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:48 AM

It's a deeply personal decision and one that is between you and DH.

Why do you want another child? Can you put your finger on it?  Step son aside, is it just that you really feel like that's what you want?  If so, and it's not some sort of compensatory measure (ie: I want two so we are biologically more of a family than DH/SS/BM or somesuch) then your husband has already given you the green light. He's content with the two kids he currently has but is willing to have another.

I think I would examine your desire and try to get to the root of it.  If you really really want to have another child, DH is on board, then do.  But I think he's made it clear that he could stop right now. Maybe there are financial reasons, maybe he just doesn't feel compelled because he feels fulfilled.  Those are discussions to have.

My DH has 2 daughters.  They are lovely girls, but they aren't mine.  I would really like to have kids of my own. DH had a vasectomy after his second daughter 14 years ago.  So for us to have kids (and he's up for that), we have to spend a lot of money to try and the clock is ticking.  Big time.

I worry that I might never have kids of my own because we spend all of our "spare" money on the existing kids.  I tell you this only to help put thing in perspective...there are many folks who want kids and can't have them, have them and don't want them reallly....lots of different places on the spectrum.  Only you and your DH can resolve this though.

by Ruby Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 12:21 PM

 hmmm. well, i agree that i wouldnt want a "yes dear" baby. idk what i would suggest.

by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 4:39 PM

 I think it's great he wants you happy. But his response suggests he isn't really into having another child. That's a tough situation. There is not magical number of kids that completes a family. I think you should let DH know it's not just a  passing emotion for you, it's a strong, personal desire. Maybe he will change his perspective?

by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:14 PM
If u do decide to have one remember that he may not be too involved with extra things with the baby.
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:58 PM
Idk but he's been pretty clear that he doesn't want anymore, I wouldn't press it.
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by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Your husband has agreed to have another child. What is the problem?

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