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Im at a loss.....I want to check out.

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:07 AM
  • 72 Replies
My 14 year old ss has become awful. He is mean to the other kids ( tells 7year old who is playing flag that he is just a bench warmer, tells other kids malicious lies like mom said you can't watch us do fireworks because she doesn't want you there, knocked my 5 year old backwards out of a lawn chair last night and laughed when he hit his head). I've had it with that behavior. Now he's taken to arguing with me about every single thing that comes out of my mouth. Talks to me like im a stupid idiot. I've had it. I'm literally at my boiling point. His BM is really a worthless druggie and always has been. Dh has full custody. I do everything for this kid. I always have. I'm pregnant and think maybe that is shortening my fuse but that's not the entire issue. I need words of encouragement mamas because im about to throw in the towel.
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mistknidentity
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:19 AM
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Tigress22304
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Princess with Ms Kara
Yesterday at 6:36 PM
by Platinum Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:22 AM

what exactly is DH doing about his son's behavior?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:23 AM
5 moms liked this

if Dad  has full custody, then Dad is fully responsible for his behavior. Mom is off the hook (druggie or not).

Actually, if you "do everything for this kid and always have", then YOU are responsible for his behavior. Why have you raised him to behave like this?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:25 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting whatIknownow:

if Dad  has full custody, then Dad is fully responsible for his behavior. Mom is off the hook (druggie or not).

Actually, if you "do everything for this kid and always have", then YOU are responsible for his behavior. Why have you raised him to behave like this?

Ya big bully!

mistknidentity
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:29 AM
I haven't raised him to be like this!! None of the other children behave even remotely like this. He has just become really awful. Every other child is respectful, kind, and well behaved. I've been in his life for two years and have done everything a mom would do for their kid since the beginning. I guess I should have specified that.


Quoting whatIknownow:

if Dad  has full custody, then Dad is fully responsible for his behavior. Mom is off the hook (druggie or not).

Actually, if you "do everything for this kid and always have", then YOU are responsible for his behavior. Why have you raised him to behave like this?


leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:31 AM
3 moms liked this

I don't think his mother is directly responsible for your SS's behaviour however a mother's absence can cause an emotional reaction for some children which impact their behaviour. That said, I know a number of mothers who have had issues with their 13, 14 and 15 children especially sons, so it could be just the stage, some children just get very challenging at that age, sometimes external help is needed and Dad definitely needs to become more involved in the discipline.

mistknidentity
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:32 AM
He gets grounded, has things taken away etc. I told Dh last night that something has to change because im at the end of my rope with him.


Quoting Tigress22304:

what exactly is DH doing about his son's behavior?


mistknidentity
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:37 AM
I agree. He sees his mom 2 days a month. I fully agree that absence of a parent can cause issues. I've tried to make up for as much of that as I can and I know I can't make up for everything because im not BM. Dh does a lot of the discipline. I feel like he has such little respect for me now that I should just send him to his room and defer all discipline to Dh.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't think his mother is directly responsible for your SS's behaviour however a mother's absence can cause an emotional reaction for some children which impact their behaviour. That said, I know a number of mothers who have had issues with their 13, 14 and 15 children especially sons, so it could be just the stage, some children just get very challenging at that age, sometimes external help is needed and Dad definitely needs to become more involved in the discipline.


DDDaysh
by on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:41 AM
3 moms liked this

 Well, when did this all start.  Surely there has to have been some kind of warning that his behavior was getting worse. 

The arguing stuff sounds typical teen.  Even the "you can't watch us" stuff sounds like something a teen might tell a younger sib if they were annoyed with them.  Laughing when your child hit his head, however, is abnormal.  In my opinion, that means he's either been taught somewhere along the way that a lack of empathy was ok, or else there are some psychological problems that need to be addressed. 

In either case, this boy is still a child.  He needs love and guidance and possibly therapy.  Rather than getting increasingly pissed off with him, I think you need to talk to a professional who can decide what is going on.  It may be nothing more than you and Dad sharpening your parenting skills to be up to the challenge of a teenager.  Or it may be more serious and require some individual and family therapy. 

Quoting mistknidentity:

I haven't raised him to be like this!! None of the other children behave even remotely like this. He has just become really awful. Every other child is respectful, kind, and well behaved. I've been in his life for two years and have done everything a mom would do for their kid since the beginning. I guess I should have specified that.


Quoting whatIknownow:

if Dad  has full custody, then Dad is fully responsible for his behavior. Mom is off the hook (druggie or not).

Actually, if you "do everything for this kid and always have", then YOU are responsible for his behavior. Why have you raised him to behave like this?


 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this

oh, you've only been in his life for two years? Then I wouldnt' say you raised him. Nor would I say "you always have done everything for him." Two years is practically brand new on the scene.

My advice is to get Dad more involved in raising his son. Leaving it up to the brand new stepmom isn't working. Parents really shouldn't leave the raising of their kids to someone else.


Quoting mistknidentity:

I haven't raised him to be like this!! None of the other children behave even remotely like this. He has just become really awful. Every other child is respectful, kind, and well behaved. I've been in his life for two years and have done everything a mom would do for their kid since the beginning. I guess I should have specified that.


Quoting whatIknownow:

if Dad  has full custody, then Dad is fully responsible for his behavior. Mom is off the hook (druggie or not).

Actually, if you "do everything for this kid and always have", then YOU are responsible for his behavior. Why have you raised him to behave like this?




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