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I hate it when visitation isn't a priority for BM

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:17 AM
  • 9 Replies

BM texted DH at 4:54 pm to let him know that she wouldn't be picking SD up. Her excuse? She was diagnosed with pink eye on Tuesday and didn't want to expose SD to it. She then said she'd text SD and let SD know.

She never let SD know, and SD was pissed that BM flaked again. DH told SD what BM told him, that BM has pink eye and didn't want to expose her. SD asked, "Isn't that like strep throat where after you have medicine for 24 hours you can't expose people anymore?" (Both MDD and YDD just got over strep throat and we told SD that once the girls were on antibiotics for 24 hours they were no long contagious).

I wish that BM would do a better job of communicating with SD about stuff like this, and doing it in a more timely manner than waiting until 6 minutes before she's supposed to pick SD up.

by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-9):
thejodigirl
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 12:53 AM

Your preaching to the chior Tink. Our BM doesn't even have rights and you'd think every chance available she's see her daughter- nope, excuses. And she lives 5 miles from the visit point. Some will never feel the way we think they "ought to".

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 1:14 AM
There is nothing worse as if pink eye all of a sudden showed up. Never fun dealing with a bm who can't keep her word. sorry....hope sd is doing ok. How old is she?
Chibi_Kitten
by Krystal on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:12 AM

 That really sucks. Poor kid.

I don't think you can do this but, I had the same problem with my mom a few years ago. She'd tell me and I'd tell the kids or she'd tell the kids herself that she's going to meet them here at X time or she's coming to their games or she's going to whatever then never show up. Then I'm stuck with a couple of heartbroken kids wanting to know why she's not there. I finally stopped telling them when she would make plans to see them, that way they were surprised if she did show up and unaware if she didn't. I also told her to stop telling them and just surprise them.

Again, I don't think that's something you can do but maybe an idea will spring from it?

newstepmom61811
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Sometimes they're just winners...BM left for another state about 6 weeks ago with 48 hours notice dropping the kids off early from one of her visits, hasn't been heard from since...not returning any messages. She's posting on FB, we know she's alive.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:34 AM
With people like that, I would count on them Not showing up. After a few chances, I would stop reminding and calling and let it lie flat.
PyschMeh
by on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:52 AM

This is what I did. It isn't my job to remind ex that he has to be a dad this weekend, not next and that HE should call ME when he wants to talk to them, not the other way around.

After a while he got the point and is doing better.


Quoting chanizen:

With people like that, I would count on them Not showing up. After a few chances, I would stop reminding and calling and let it lie flat.



pregnancy calendar
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 11:17 AM
I did the same thing. And, without a major fight or name calling, my ex started taking visitation and calling.

Sometimes the ship will right itself.

And if it didn't, it would have been his loss not
My agita :)


Quoting PyschMeh:

This is what I did. It isn't my job to remind ex that he has to be a dad this weekend, not next and that HE should call ME when he wants to talk to them, not the other way around.

After a while he got the point and is doing better.



Quoting chanizen:

With people like that, I would count on them Not showing up. After a few chances, I would stop reminding and calling and let it lie flat.





DDDaysh
by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

You gotta start letting it roll off your back.  

She's not a good mom.  It's going to be hard for SD to accept she's not a priority to her mother, but the sooner you guys can cope with that, the easier life will be for her.  

Tx_stepmom
by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 1:48 PM

It will never happen.  

When we had SS for our month long summer visit (2 years ago, prior to getting custody), BM called SS to wish him a Happy B-Day at the end of the day.  She had not moved up here yet but was with her Boy Toy (who lived 20 minutes from us) for the entire 4 day weekend.  She couldn't even make time to see her son on his BDay.  Then once she moved up here (only 10 minutes away), she went for 2 months without seeing SS and then tried to accuse me & DH of pushing her out of his life.  I laughed and told her she was bat shit crazy. (One of the few times I confronted her.)  I told her that she was the one pushing herself out of his life.  Then I listed every example of her disppointing SS and not being there for him, putting Boy Toy before SS, etc....  I told her that all I have to do is stand back and watch her crash & burn.  I don't have to do anything, she's doing it all for me.   

I wish everyday that BM would grow up and be the kind of mom that SS wants.  In the meantime, I do my best to fill that void.  I know that I'm not his mother, but he deserves someone to be there for him.  I also know that this is the best she's ever going to be and it won't change.  

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