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Tattle Tell or Zip It?

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 4:48 PM
  • 19 Replies

 So here we are 10 days into the school year and we just found out that BM moved (again). SS has been telling us that she was planning on moving but we thought with her trying to appear  more stable for court she wouldn't do that this year especially now that he's in school. The year before he started Kinder they lived in 4 different houses. Since he's been born she has lived in 12 different places and he is 6. At least this house lasted a whole year.

To the point. She emailed DH to tell him that she has moved 20 minutes away from SS's school, but that she is going to keep him in the same school and ask for a transfer since its the same district. Okay that's cool. Except 1. she doesn't have a car so how is he going to get there? and 2. DH looked up the address and it didn't look like it was in the same district so he asked me to check it. Turns out she moved out of district and the school district he's currently attending doesn't accept out of district transfers. 

DH is irritated beyond belief because he asked her last year to put him in the school that our house is zoned for that way if she moved he doesn't have to change schools every time and she told him no because she didn't have a way to get him to school and she needed him to be able to walk. So now if the school finds out then ss will be kicked out of that school and if she tries to transfer she will have to use our address. We are totally fine using our address except that his school is at capacity and we are worried if she chooses to go that route (which she probably won't based on past experience) that he will still not be able to stay in the same place and he will be asked to attend the school we are zoned for at which point she will probably just pull him from the district and put him in the school by her. Which means our now 5 minute drive to school just turned into a 45 minute drive to school with traffic. 

With a court date looming in the future that will most likely order a solution to the probelm does DH tell the school she moved or keep his mouth shut? And how do you keep the school from finding out when ss is 6 and will most likely tell them himself?

I think he keeps his mouth shut and lets ss stay where he is as long as he can since there is no clear alternative to keep him where he is at and no one wants to move him. However, I know DH likes to do the right thing and I think we are both feeling like lying isn't the best route either, albeit by ommission. 

by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 4:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MysticIceWater
by Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Fight for custody based on instability!

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Sep. 9, 2013 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 Don't say anything until the court date, then let the judge know what he knows.

lnr187
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 10:16 PM

 what is court for? i would try to get custody and placement!

narmac13
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Yeah it's for custody. We are hoping that her moving helps us, but we also don't really like the idea of it messing with SS's school. Totally stinks that the kid has to suffer before things will get changed. There is a lot more than this obviously or we wouldn't be going to court. 

Quoting lnr187:

 what is court for? i would try to get custody and placement!


narmac13
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 9:18 AM

This is what I was thinking and what agreed on last night. 

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

 Don't say anything until the court date, then let the judge know what he knows.


DDDaysh
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:32 AM

It really isn't your place to go and tell the school anything.  You aren't the ones lying.  If BM said she has it handled, then assume she does even if you suspect that she doesn't.  

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 10:34 AM

Talk to your attorney.  The conversation would be between you and them. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Talk to your attorney.  It's not illegal to move.  It IS illegal to practice fraud.  So your DH/you do not want to be party to fraud.  BUT, there may be some other options available.  For example, it may be that your attorney will advise that you guy speak to the school, notify them of the upcoming court date, and get a waiver to keep child in current school pending the outcome.  

I would not do anything without consulting the attorney.

teaching_kids
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I moved about 6 times when my son was school age.

The truth was, as SM and Dad lived in what was my house for years,
Using my "everything" including appliances/furniture and more.. I had to rebuild my life from
Scratch. Literally. One day I was a SAHM, and the next-I was a single mom who worked and my moving didn't indicate "instability" It indicated -a landlord who sold his property, a better deal, etc.
I took zero with me when I left and I took zero child support when I left too.

However, As SM lived in my house using my "everything" essentially for free...there was a whole lot of fake "oh she's so unstable"
I always found that to be very interesting of her....

That said...I moved from a half a mile from dad to a mile from dad and when I moved to the county I've live and worked in for about 15 years now...I did 100% of the driving with my son. He went to private schools and you can live anywhere...when you are paying a hefty tuition...

If you asked my son who the stable parents had been...he'd laugh if you tried to convince him his mom was "unstable" for moving a lot.
If I find a better deal where my rent or mortgage is 100 to 200 dollars cheaper a month and that means a better life for me and my son...to look at that as me being "unstable" vs a woman who went from zero to better and better and better again....
I'm hardly an "unstable" parent.

Things aren't always as they appear
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:38 PM

Dad keeps his mouth shut, and takes it up with the judge.

BM moved a few years ago when she was CP. DH called the school SD was attending and asked for that schools opinion on the school in the area BM moved to. BM then used this against DH in court because it was HER intention to keep SD at the same school (she conveniently left that out when talking to DH) and told the judge that SD was kicked out of her school because of DH's phone call (which was untrue, the district just wanted BM to fill out a district boundary exception form). 

Good luck, it definitely sounds like there's a HUGE instability issue with BM.

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