BM and Extra-curriculars

[steplifewife]

I am so sick of her signing SS11 up for extra curriculars that affect DH's weekends WITHOUT consulting with him. This time it is Football, and ALL the games are Saturday Mid-day. She Never asks DH if he minds, she justs signs him up, and expects that DH will bring him to his games. If we lived in the next town, this would not be an issue, but we don't. We live an hour away. Just a vent.

[Birdseed]

Just because his parents divorced shouldn't mean that the kiddo doesn't get to participate in "his" life like other kids.  I get why it is frustrating if you're far away.  But what's the other option? The kid gets to do no EC's because his folks split and he is gone EOWE?

How does your DH feel about it?  I would think that most dads would like that their son was playing ball and would plan on attending the games anyway so no big deal.

As kids get older, they have more and more activities that take them away from the home on evenings and weekends. I really don't think that divorce should stand in the way of having that normal childhood.

[momof2ex1]

I can understand that frustration. Does your SS enjoy football? Is football something that he and dad can enjoy together? Is it just football or is it several sports all at once? I personally like sports. I like my kids to be in some activity. I don't care what activity but something. My son is in soccer - I don't always like the game times and practice twice a week sometimes annoys me but he loves soccer and he's not too bad a player. And I enjoy watching him. Maybe your husband can find joy in watching him do a sport that he enjoys. Be a coach or a team parent. In my opinion activities are part of being a parent. It only gets worse as they get older. Busy schedules and school functions. We haven't been home in weeks for long periods of time because we are always on the go. She should though discuss this with dad and make sure he can make sure their son is available. I do agree there.

[steplifewife]

My DH is mad that he never has a say in anything that involves HIS WEEKEND. Did she ask? no. She just signs him up and then tells DH "Oh, by the way...he has football every weekend"

[momof2ex1]

I wasn't sure how it works with ECs when divorcing. I kind of thought that since dad and I had always had our daughter in activities before the divorce that he would stick with that. Not the case. She wasn't in a lot. Just dance. Which isn't comp dance or very time consuming. The one recital a year falls in the summer. She would work hard all year and then come to find out she couldn't be in her recital because it was dads weekend and he had plans. So I asked the judge. She agreed. We now have EcS in our court order. He has to take her to all school sponsored events that SHE wants to attend. Not what I want her to attend but what she wants to be in. Because after all - it is her life and she has a right to be in a sport or Girl Scouts. If dad can't take her I am more than willing to take her for him. He just no longer can keep her from being active.

Quoting Birdseed:

Just because his parents divorced shouldn't mean that the kiddo doesn't get to participate in "his" life like other kids.  I get why it is frustrating if you're far away.  But what's the other option? The kid gets to do no EC's because his folks split and he is gone EOWE?

How does your DH feel about it?  I would think that most dads would like that their son was playing ball and would plan on attending the games anyway so no big deal.

As kids get older, they have more and more activities that take them away from the home on evenings and weekends. I really don't think that divorce should stand in the way of having that normal childhood.

[Birdseed]

I can understand that your DH is upset that he didn't have input...but we're talking about a few hours on a weekend compared to what Mom is doing a few hours per day every day during the week, right?  And it's something the child wants to do.  I agree that it's something that should be discussed but I also think that it's reasonable that a kid will have activities that are for their sport or other activitiy that will impact both homes.

[terpmama]

What does dh think? If he minds then have them deal with it in court. If he doesn't mind then butt out.

[mom7834]

So your DH would say No he can't sign up for football?  How fair is that to the kid?

When my boys were younger they had baseball and hockey.  I was literally at the baseball field every single night.   they were in different divisions due to their ages.  I was a single Mom then with Dad out of state.......should I have told my boys no because it's not what I want?  hell no.  your Dh should be glad the

kid wants to play ball! 

[momof2ex1]

Does the kid like football? Does he get a choice in how he spends HIS weekends?

Quoting steplifewife:

My DH is mad that he never has a say in anything that involves HIS WEEKEND. Did she ask? no. She just signs him up and then tells DH "Oh, by the way...he has football every weekend"

[steplifewife]

She does the same thing with Vacations. She schedules her vacation (2 years in a row) to start on a Friday that is DH's weekend, and then does not plan on coming home until two weeks later on the Sunday that would end his weekend. WITHOUT asking him in advance. Just emails him and says "I bought tickets already" this means he goes without seeing his kids for a month, sometimes more if he has a drill weekend the next available weekend.

[SassyMom25]

 

Quoting steplifewife:

My DH is mad that he never has a say in anything that involves HIS WEEKEND. Did she ask? no. She just signs him up and then tells DH "Oh, by the way...he has football every weekend"

There are 3 options here then:

1. Don't take SS to games on DHs weekend
2. Suck it up and take SS
3. Take BM to court to have the CO amended to add that these decisions must be joint. Though that will mean you will have to get BMs permission should you ever want to enroll SS in something in the future.

You can't change BM and what she chooses to do. I'm sure she does it partially to piss DH off...and its working.