Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Custody of my stepson

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:58 AM
  • 32 Replies
Hi all,

I have been helping raise my stepson since he was two. There has been some back and forth, but threenyears ago he came to stay with us for the summer and CPS was called on his mother for child neglet and abuse. We were inform not to take him back to her after that. Now three years later he has been living with us and have been doing better than he was before.

I would like to have some kind of custody of him since i am the one that takes him to the doctor and deals with his school while my husband(his dad) works. I have been told to do most things i have to have a written letter from him giving me permission to do things. On top of all that my stepson has been calling me mom. Everyone knows me as mom,but i'm nothing on paper to him.

I have tried to get my husband to go down and file the papers questing custody from his ex girlfriend of their son but he has not done. Yhen i get calls from my mother inlaw stating that his mother is looking into getting a lawyer to take him from us. I don't know what to do anymore. It is like my hands are tied and i am trying my best to protect my stepson from harm. Is there anyone that can suggest something that i have not tried yet. Any help would be greatful.
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

You have no legal rights and unless his mother wants to sign away rights and give you permission to adopt him, you never will.  Taking him to the doctor and dealing with school issues does not make you a parent - it makes you a caregiver.  Just keep that in mind and don't get your hopes up.  Have you discussed with your DH the possibility of adopting his son?  It might not be something he wants or has any interest in you doing. 

lnr187
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:06 AM

unless you can have her rights terminated, there is nothing you can do. if her rights are terminated, then you could adopt him. but it is very difficult to terminate rights. does she ever see him?

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:09 AM
2 moms liked this
Your DH could file for custody however they will not give you custody unless BM signs her rights away.

My DH is cp to his kids and I've never had a problem talking to their teachers or taking them to drs or dentist appts if I needed to.

MojoRsn
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:12 AM

Your DH has custody. Not you. You are just his support system if that is what you choose to be.

If she is wanting custody herself, there is very little chance of you adopting or terminating her rights.

Tay1977
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:18 AM
He has not seen her in three years and in that time has only spoke to her on the phone maybe five times. Terminating her rights is hard cause she refuses to sign her rights over. My husband on the other hand is not doing his part as filing the paperwork or even talking to a lawyer.

I spoke to him about me adopting his son but he goes around the subject or says one day. I do feel like a caregiver or a unpaid babysitter. Since he has gotten so attach to me it hurts me to know his father is not wanting to make it legal.
MojoRsn
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:19 AM


Quoting Tay1977:

He has not seen her in three years and in that time has only spoke to her on the phone maybe five times. Terminating her rights is hard cause she refuses to sign her rights over. My husband on the other hand is not doing his part as filing the paperwork or even talking to a lawyer.

I spoke to him about me adopting his son but he goes around the subject or says one day. I do feel like a caregiver or a unpaid babysitter. Since he has gotten so attach to me it hurts me to know his father is not wanting to make it legal.

What is so wrong about being a stepmom only?

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Does the kid still see his Mom?  You aren't Mom and won't get any custody of him.  Dad understands this.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Tay1977:

He has not seen her in three years and in that time has only spoke to her on the phone maybe five times. Terminating her rights is hard cause she refuses to sign her rights over. My husband on the other hand is not doing his part as filing the paperwork or even talking to a lawyer.

I spoke to him about me adopting his son but he goes around the subject or says one day. I do feel like a caregiver or a unpaid babysitter. Since he has gotten so attach to me it hurts me to know his father is not wanting to make it legal.


He doesn't want Mom to sign over her rights and for you to adopt the kid. Stop pushing for it.

Tay1977
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:26 AM
My DH has joint custody with his BM, but was told by CPS in both states not to send him back because of the charges they filed on her because she was not taking care of him like she was suppose to. So she blames us for CPS getting involve and refuses to talk to us.
Eternity807
by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 9:27 AM

Just because he hasn't seen his BM doesn't mean she is willing or ready to sign over rights.  I think you need to take the issue of your feelings up with your DH.  BM isn't the problem.  The problem is your DH is using you and you don't like it so to make yourself feel better you're pushing for custody of his son - something he isn't really interested in offering you. 


Quoting WifeyC:

 

 

Quoting Tay1977:

He has not seen her in three years and in that time has only spoke to her on the phone maybe five times. Terminating her rights is hard cause she refuses to sign her rights over. My husband on the other hand is not doing his part as filing the paperwork or even talking to a lawyer.

I spoke to him about me adopting his son but he goes around the subject or says one day. I do feel like a caregiver or a unpaid babysitter. Since he has gotten so attach to me it hurts me to know his father is not wanting to make it legal.

 

He doesn't want Mom to sign over her rights and for you to adopt the kid. Stop pushing for it.


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN