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Step children allowed by dad to sleep in our bed.....and I'm pregnant and not happy about it.

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:21 AM
  • 314 Replies

Hi ladies

So, I need some advice here. I'm almost 3 months along and I have 4 step kids who my husband and I have 50% custody of. Sleeping was a huge issue for a long time and we had a pretty good handle on it for a bit with the exception of the 2 1/2 year old waking up often screaming etc...

Well, last week and now last night the almost 4 year old (next month) has come up and my husband has allowed her to crawl up and sleep at the foot of our bed. I have been suffering with sciatic issues that are the worst at night and working mandatory overtime at work as well so I do not want to be sharing our bed with any little bodies that will flail and kick about during the night, waking me up.

He says I just need to "relax" and maybe realize she's going through a phase or something but I feel he's putting his kids ahead of me and my needs while I'm pregnant.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Feeling frustrated and very overwhelmed!


Just wanted to add that I'm happy about being pregnant...just not happy about the kids crawling into our bed...just to clarify :)

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:30 AM
7 moms liked this

You will not win this battle. If I had to do it over again, I would buy a cot TODAY and place it at the foot of the bed and move on with it. But putting it at the foot of the bed it makes the kid feel like they are close and in bed with you.

Dont waste another sleepless night.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:39 AM
8 moms liked this
This is something I would handle prior to moving in. I don't share my bed with my own child so I'm certainly not going to share it with anyone else's.

I really dot think its cute or sweet. I just don't...

My husband would need to do the work to bring her back to bed rather than expect me to move over to accommodate. It's just not something I would be okay with.. An I'm not pregnant.
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:45 AM
2 moms liked this

I agree with either cots/sleeping bags  by the bed or have their dad take them back to bed

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:46 AM
2 moms liked this
Oh nope not even my own do this! Mama is claustrophobic and kids all up on me triggers it. If you're sick or really little you can sleep on a pallet next to the bed. My dh always had the no kids in the bed rule and I thought it was mean but 5 years later I'm grateful.
by Emerald Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 10:48 AM
2 moms liked this

Is there a guest room or other bed you could move to, or have DH and the 4yo sleep in the other bed together?

as a mom, I used to love having my little kids climb into bed with me. I would not want to rob your husband of that pleasure, but I also understand that as a stepmom, it's not comfortable. So I would suggest having an additional bed (guest room) for one or the other of  you to use.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this

I can remember having my God son crawl into bed with me when I visited.  He was only 3-5 at the time and he was a cuddly little monster.  I loved it.  But I know it's not for everyone.  Just like I know not everyone would love the idea of having 2 90lb dogs in bed everynight, but that's what we have.


It's not a true co-sleeping situation.  There's something new going on.  I think that most parents would allow it a time or two and see where it goes.  If you are too uncomfortable to allow it, I'd move to the couch or something. I'd make sure DH knows that it's not a long term fix that you're comfortable with.

I think that most kids go through phases.  As long as it doesn't persist, I think I'd roll with it even if you're a bit displeased.  

I say this as a SM with no kids of my own.  So I'm not going all BM on you.  It's just that I think there are times when it may well be appropriate.

by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:45 AM
My youngest DD went through a phase were she would constantly come try to get in the bed. So I always kept extra blankets and pillows for her. If she came in I would fix her a place to sleep on the floor beside my bed. After a few nights of this she would start sleeping in her own bed again. Maybe your DH should try this.
by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this

We had this battle as well. At first I thought it was going to be a deal breaker. I rarely sleep comfortable next to my husband. I certainly wasn't going to have a squirmy kid in the mix. However, it was pretty quickly nipped in the bud when BM firmly told my husband that his daughter was not allowed to sleep in the bed with him anymore. I guess she started crawling into Mommy's bed at night, and she was not happy about sharing the bed with a squirmy kid either lol. Maybe you could just tell him that you are going to start easing her out of the routine, and get her to sleep in her own bed. He can either help, or stay out of the way. Don't know, but good luck.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:23 PM
5 moms liked this

Oh this was a pre marriage issue for me. I refused to move in with DH until he got his daughter out of his bed. I couldn't do it! It creeped me out.

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and having sciatic issues as well, plus working still - so I feel your pain. He needs to get that kid out of your bed, and you need to put your foot down.

by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:44 PM
6 moms liked this

Personally, I think children should learn to sleep in their own bed, unless they are sick, having night terrors, or truly scared (on occassion). However,  I am with the first poster that a cot and sleeping bag should be used for those occassions. If the child is noisy when they sleep (some are) then you DH needs to sleep in the cot next to their bed until they are comforted, or all night, if need be. I am sure that he will figure things out quickly if he is a little uncomfortable. Sleep deprivation is difficult under normal circumstance...pregnancy is a complete other issue.....GET YOUR REST!

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