Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Legal custody- can somebody explain this to me??

Posted by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 5:08 PM
  • 42 Replies
What does it take for someone to get sole legal custody? Is it normally 50/50?

I know bm and Dh have 50/50 legal, but bm doesn't really want to help make any decisions. Her usual answer is just "do whatever you two want (talking about dh and i) and let me know"... It's actually kind of annoying, because I really wish she wanted to take a more active role.
by on Sep. 12, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 5:30 PM

DH is going to mediation with BM, and his goal is for sole decision making rights (so I guess, sole legal custody), as BM hasn't been a part of medical or education decisions in over 15 months, but if she gets pissed she'll threaten, "Remember, you need MY permission to do XYZ."

DH's attorney said it wouldn't be too hard for DH to prove a pattern of BM not caring and then using the joint decision making rights as something to hold over DH's head. She doesn't care if it effects SD, she just wants something to hold over DH when she gets pissy about it.

The attorney also said that DH getting sole decision making rights in court depends on the judge. A judge COULD decide to give BM another chance at joint decision making rights. So, right now, we're just continuing what we've been doing. BM gets updated with any new medical and educational information, and 99% of the time she ignores it, and DH does whatever he sees fit. The attorney said the longer time frame that we have with proof of BM letting DH have that sole decision making power, the better it'll be when he does go to court and ask a judge to take away her decision making rights. 

iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 5:36 PM
Shhhh don't rock the boat! Shhhhhhhhh!! J/K! I don't know the legal way, but depending on BMs personality I would just stick with what is working now- most BM would die before they gave SM decision making power ;)
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:01 PM
How did the lawyer say Dh would be able to prove it in court??


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

DH is going to mediation with BM, and his goal is for sole decision making rights (so I guess, sole legal custody), as BM hasn't been a part of medical or education decisions in over 15 months, but if she gets pissed she'll threaten, "Remember, you need MY permission to do XYZ."

DH's attorney said it wouldn't be too hard for DH to prove a pattern of BM not caring and then using the joint decision making rights as something to hold over DH's head. She doesn't care if it effects SD, she just wants something to hold over DH when she gets pissy about it.

The attorney also said that DH getting sole decision making rights in court depends on the judge. A judge COULD decide to give BM another chance at joint decision making rights. So, right now, we're just continuing what we've been doing. BM gets updated with any new medical and educational information, and 99% of the time she ignores it, and DH does whatever he sees fit. The attorney said the longer time frame that we have with proof of BM letting DH have that sole decision making power, the better it'll be when he does go to court and ask a judge to take away her decision making rights. 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:05 PM
I don't think I understand you completely... Bm wouldn't be giving any decision making to me. She would be giving 100% decision making power to my Dh.

I was only asking because we already make 100% of the medical decisions for ss, and bm doesn't really want to be involved in those decisions. She usually doesnt make the smartest decisions. So Dh would like to gain sole legal rights.


Quoting iSMILEheCRIES:

Shhhh don't rock the boat! Shhhhhhhhh!! J/K! I don't know the legal way, but depending on BMs personality I would just stick with what is working now- most BM would die before they gave SM decision making power ;)
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:13 PM

In the situations I know of (very few), sole legal custody was granted when one parent 'disappeared' for an extended period of time, came back and tried to 'change' things.  The parent who was always there went to court and was granted sole legal and physical custody (based on OPs flight risk and other issues).  Another was granted sole legal when (both young parents) BF wanted nothing to do with the child, or BM, during pregnancy or after the baby was born.  BF's parents wanted some sort of 'custody' of the child and the courts said no.  BM was granted sole custody (legal and physical) of the child. 

I think you'd have to go to court and prove that the parent you're trying to take legal custody away from was some sort of danger to the child or incapable of making good decisions for the child (mental illness, brain injury, past poor decisions, etc.). 

I get the 'annoying' part you feel though, I think.  BF and I share joint legal custody. Normally his response when I let him know something is to 'do what you think is best', and I do.  But, I get more annoyed when that's all I've heard for a long time and then SUDDENLY he decides he wants to make a decision, but can't tell me why he feels as he does (and yet, I'll be living with the ramifications of 'his' decision for our child since he sees them so little).  It usually ends up with me making the decision in the end but, I find it annoying when he has no interest for so long, then suddenly has some.  Sigh. 

iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Yeah dh has the power, but he is sharing it with you. Quote "WE already make 100 percent medical decisions" I meant if BM isn't trying to make decisions at all then I wouldn't ask for 100 percent legal custody... Why fight for what you already have! That's just me though.

Quoting dawnnamarie:

I don't think I understand you completely... Bm wouldn't be giving any decision making to me. She would be giving 100% decision making power to my Dh.



I was only asking because we already make 100% of the medical decisions for ss, and bm doesn't really want to be involved in those decisions. She usually doesnt make the smartest decisions. So Dh would like to gain sole legal rights.




Quoting iSMILEheCRIES:

Shhhh don't rock the boat! Shhhhhhhhh!! J/K! I don't know the legal way, but depending on BMs personality I would just stick with what is working now- most BM would die before they gave SM decision making power ;)
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:14 PM

DH sends emails to BM about every single thing, and she never replies.

And then BM will get pissed off and email DH about medical or educational stuff and says, "Remember, you can't do anything medically or educationally without my permission."

And then she goes back to ignoring emails.

DH can go to court and provide copies of the emails he's sent, he can print out a copy of his email inbox. 


Quoting dawnnamarie:

How did the lawyer say Dh would be able to prove it in court??


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

DH is going to mediation with BM, and his goal is for sole decision making rights (so I guess, sole legal custody), as BM hasn't been a part of medical or education decisions in over 15 months, but if she gets pissed she'll threaten, "Remember, you need MY permission to do XYZ."

DH's attorney said it wouldn't be too hard for DH to prove a pattern of BM not caring and then using the joint decision making rights as something to hold over DH's head. She doesn't care if it effects SD, she just wants something to hold over DH when she gets pissy about it.

The attorney also said that DH getting sole decision making rights in court depends on the judge. A judge COULD decide to give BM another chance at joint decision making rights. So, right now, we're just continuing what we've been doing. BM gets updated with any new medical and educational information, and 99% of the time she ignores it, and DH does whatever he sees fit. The attorney said the longer time frame that we have with proof of BM letting DH have that sole decision making power, the better it'll be when he does go to court and ask a judge to take away her decision making rights. 



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

The Courts aren't quick to take legal custody away from parents, if your husband is able to parent and make decisions then leave things. The attempt to take legal custody away could make her very active that you prefer the current annoyance.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:18 PM

That is exactly what DH's attorney said to him when he asked about it.


Quoting iSMILEheCRIES:

Yeah dh has the power, but he is sharing it with you. Quote "WE already make 100 percent medical decisions" I meant if BM isn't trying to make decisions at all then I wouldn't ask for 100 percent legal custody... Why fight for what you already have! That's just me though.

Quoting dawnnamarie:

I don't think I understand you completely... Bm wouldn't be giving any decision making to me. She would be giving 100% decision making power to my Dh.



I was only asking because we already make 100% of the medical decisions for ss, and bm doesn't really want to be involved in those decisions. She usually doesnt make the smartest decisions. So Dh would like to gain sole legal rights.




Quoting iSMILEheCRIES:

Shhhh don't rock the boat! Shhhhhhhhh!! J/K! I don't know the legal way, but depending on BMs personality I would just stick with what is working now- most BM would die before they gave SM decision making power ;)



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 12, 2013 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Really even if she is cedeing the decision making to your DH that is still making a decision i.e she is chossing your dh to make the best decision. It's unlikely that a court will strip her of her legal rights just because she is trusting your dh.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN