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Isn't part of taking care of the kids, providing for them financially?

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:22 AM
  • 49 Replies

The post about – if dad’s can’t take care of their kids without SM, then the kids should go to mom – has gotten me thinking.

 

Isn’t part of taking care of your children providing for them financially? I think a lot of times fathers are punished, or are thought to be less involved, because they work – especially if their work doesn’t offer some sort of sick days. I feel like a lot of people are angry if BF works and SM helps out with the kids *.

 

What about situations where BM is a stay at home mom, because SF is the breadwinner? Since part of taking care of your children is providing for them finically, wouldn’t the SF in this situation be doing BM’s job? If it’s not okay for BF to delegate household responsibilities to SM, is it okay for BM to delegate the financial responsibility to SF?

 

 

* Now – there is a huge difference between SM helping out while BF is working, and BF working 24/7 and leaving everything up to SM.

by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Yes, a parent is required to provide financially for their child and a SAHM is able to provide financially via way of her spouse, the stepparent. Outside of ROFR, most parents can delegate childcare within reason, household responsibilities is up to anyone.

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

But I feel like a lot of people would find it unacceptable if BF said – “I’m providing x support via my spouse.” 

 

Examples : Educational support, because SM takes care of homework and is in contact with the teachers. Health care support, because SM takes the kids to scheduled appointments. Behavioral support, because SM handles discipline (time outs, grounding, behavior charts, etc.).

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Yes, a parent is required to provide financially for their child and a SAHM is able to provide financially via way of her spouse, the stepparent.

 

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:51 AM
3 moms liked this

Money is different, it doesn't matter where you get the money from to pay for the child's needs and wants, the important parental objective is the child's needs being met where money is concerned, so the child is fed, sheltered, clothe, educated. The other areas can't be delegated out to a third party when an actual parent wants to do them and is legally entitled to do them.

Quoting progressandjoy:


But I feel like a lot of people would find it unacceptable if BF said – “I’m providing x support via my spouse.” 

 

Examples : Educational support, because SM takes care of homework and is in contact with the teachers. Health care support, because SM takes the kids to scheduled appointments. Behavioral support, because SM handles discipline (time outs, grounding, behavior charts, etc.).




Quoting leegirl_jm:

Yes, a parent is required to provide financially for their child and a SAHM is able to provide financially via way of her spouse, the stepparent.


 



Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

 its the exact same thing really. BM is within her rights to ask for ROFR but its ridiculous if she works too and wouldnt be with the kids.

 

LoveMy2x4
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 12:17 PM

When I buy things for my skids, like a pair of sneakers for example, they end up getting banned from BM & SFs house. Also if we do something as a family that *I* pay for (I make twice as much as SO) it is ALWAYS a problem for BM. She usually ends up bitching that SO needs to give her more money to be a SAHM, yet she is pregnant with someone else's child. 


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Money is different, it doesn't matter where you get the money from to pay for the child's needs and wants, the important parental objective is the child's needs being met where money is concerned, so the child is fed, sheltered, clothe, educated. The other areas can't be delegated out to a third party when an actual parent wants to do them and is legally entitled to do them.

Quoting progressandjoy:


But I feel like a lot of people would find it unacceptable if BF said – “I’m providing x support via my spouse.” 

 

Examples : Educational support, because SM takes care of homework and is in contact with the teachers. Health care support, because SM takes the kids to scheduled appointments. Behavioral support, because SM handles discipline (time outs, grounding, behavior charts, etc.).




Quoting leegirl_jm:

Yes, a parent is required to provide financially for their child and a SAHM is able to provide financially via way of her spouse, the stepparent.


 





leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Anyone can bitch about anything, your SO needs to ensure he has a CO to manage that situation.

Quoting LoveMy2x4:

When I buy things for my skids, like a pair of sneakers for example, they end up getting banned from BM & SFs house. Also if we do something as a family that *I* pay for (I make twice as much as SO) it is ALWAYS a problem for BM. She usually ends up bitching that SO needs to give her more money to be a SAHM, yet she is pregnant with someone else's child. 


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Money is different, it doesn't matter where you get the money from to pay for the child's needs and wants, the important parental objective is the child's needs being met where money is concerned, so the child is fed, sheltered, clothe, educated. The other areas can't be delegated out to a third party when an actual parent wants to do them and is legally entitled to do them.

Quoting progressandjoy:


But I feel like a lot of people would find it unacceptable if BF said – “I’m providing x support via my spouse.” 

 

Examples : Educational support, because SM takes care of homework and is in contact with the teachers. Health care support, because SM takes the kids to scheduled appointments. Behavioral support, because SM handles discipline (time outs, grounding, behavior charts, etc.).




Quoting leegirl_jm:

Yes, a parent is required to provide financially for their child and a SAHM is able to provide financially via way of her spouse, the stepparent.


 






Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

bottomline
by Silver Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 12:42 PM

 That's a very interesting question. One I have thought about but never asked. I have read several posts explaining the conflict between SM and bm about this very topic.  It's interesting reading depending on what perspective you look at it from.

Families function differently in every situation. Some SP's provide insurance coverage, day care, transportation costs, on and on.... and some don't, they expect the bio's to do that.  I don't judge because various work schedules, family dynamics, special needs, and custody schedules effect how things are handled in different families.

In your post I assumed the bm was active in her child's life, was custodial, and providing "soft" services that equate to dollars?? Can you imagine the time spent in court if "outside" employment was part of the CO's?

DeliteCrazy
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Moms get raked over hot coals if she works, and can't be there for her kids 24/7.

Ever see the movie, because mommy works?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DDDaysh
by on Sep. 18, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't accept that excuse very often because there are ALOT of parents who both provide financially AND otherwise for the kids.  If all those other parents can do it, then the excuse of "I can't do HW with my child, see my child on my vacation days, feed my child, bathe my child, etc.." sort of goes out the window.  


faerie75
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2013 at 1:05 PM
2 moms liked this

 idk, i tend to think once a mom becomes single she SHOULD work. unless they were rich and shed always stayed home and she got alimony. but in normal cases, i tend to think she can no longer afford to stay home and should also support their mutual child.

Quoting DeliteCrazy:

Moms get raked over hot coals if she works, and can't be there for her kids 24/7.

Ever see the movie, because mommy works?

 

 
        
         

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