We found out about our stepdaughter about 8 years ago. Her mother chose to keep it from my husband until her first marriage ended and then had to explain to my stepdaughter who her true father was. Since we found out about my stepdaughter she really hasn't been involved in our lives. She had been visiting us periodically during these 8 years (maybe a week a year). We didn't want to pressure her and had her visit when she wanted to.
Four months ago, my stepdaughter was moved into our home. Her mother made drugs and sex her priority and basically abandoned her. Since her move, my step daughter has allegedly accused by son (her half brother) of molesting her. My son has declined the alleged accusations and not only because he is my son, i think my stepdaughter is making it up to get attention. She has never given us details of the molestion. My son and stepdaughter are 1 1/2 years apart. Since the allegations, we have moved my stepdaughter into my in laws home. I wasn't comfortable with her living in our home with the accusations she has made.
My husband is of course torn, because he is all she has. I refused to have her in our home and be near my son. This is also making our marriage fall apart because he wants to be with her which takes him away from myself and his other children. He wants to attend family events with all of us and I tell him that I do not want to be near her. Anytime I hear her name or see her, I get so emotional. I feel hatred for what she had done and I dont know if I can ever forgive her. My husband tells me I have to give her a second chance but because of the severity of the accusation, i just cant give her that second chance.
Am I overracting? Is this really something I should forgive? She's from a troubled life but does that excuse it all?