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Troubled Step daughter - Accusations

Posted by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:23 PM
  • 119 Replies

We found out about our stepdaughter about 8 years ago. Her mother chose to keep it from my husband until her first marriage ended and then had to explain to my stepdaughter who her true father was. Since we found out about my stepdaughter she really hasn't been involved in our lives. She had been visiting us periodically during these 8 years (maybe a week a year). We didn't want to pressure her and had her visit when she wanted to.

Four months ago, my stepdaughter was moved into our home. Her mother made drugs and sex her priority and basically abandoned her. Since her move, my step daughter has allegedly accused by son (her half brother) of molesting her. My son has declined the alleged accusations and not only because he is my son, i think my stepdaughter is making it up to get attention. She has never given us details of the molestion. My son and stepdaughter are 1 1/2 years apart.  Since the allegations, we have moved my stepdaughter into my in laws home. I wasn't comfortable with her living in our home with the accusations she has made. 

My husband is of course torn, because he is all she has. I refused to have her in our home and be near my son. This is also making our marriage fall apart because he wants to be with her which takes him away from myself and his other children. He wants to attend family events with all of us and I tell him that I do not want to be near her. Anytime I hear her name or see her, I get so emotional. I feel hatred for what she had done and I dont know if I can ever forgive her. My husband tells me I have to give her a second chance but because of the severity of the accusation, i just cant give her that second chance. 

Am I overracting? Is this really something I should forgive? She's from a troubled life but does that excuse it all? 


by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Hopefully your husband's daughter will be happy living with her grandparents. I think that is the best place for her. 

Hopefully your husband can still have a relationship with his daughter, in spite of  your hatred toward her.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM

That's not true, she has grandparents who will hopefully give her the good home her father could not provide for her, because of his wife and her son.


Quoting Gonza5:

because he is all she has. 



jules2boys
by Gold Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:48 PM
2 moms liked this

How old is the girl?  Is she in counseling?  Who did she tell that your DS molested her?  What was done about it? 

MojoRsn
by on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM
2 moms liked this

So she is the one allegedly molested and she has to move out?

But before we get too far here. How old is the SD and how old is your son? What age were they when the alleged incident happened?

How come you know no more? Was it sex? Was it a touch?

Was counseling or anything involved?

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:56 PM


Quoting jules2boys:

How old is the girl?  Is she in counseling?  Who did she tell that your DS molested her?  What was done about it? 

All of this^^^

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 7:57 PM


you cant' even stand  it when he spends time with his daughter, whom you kicked out of your home, because it 'takes him away from you and the other children?" 

Let the man see his kid. Wow. You can't make this child disappear, and it kills you.

Quoting Gonza5:


This is also making our marriage fall apart because he wants to be with her which takes him away from myself and his other children. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 8:26 PM
4 moms liked this

False allegations hurt many. But what I'm missing is...was there any investigation into whether or not it was true?

I get it that you're standing up for your son.  But are you SURE that he didn't do anything because when you've been assaulted and no one believes you, it sucks. And I can imagine that conversely, ifyou're accused and no one believes you, THAT sucks.  So was there an actual investigation?

If so, and if your son was cleared, then this other kid needs HELP not separation.  SHe needs help.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 8:40 PM
How can you just assume she is lying thats not something normal to lie about. It's wrong tp be so selfish on a child he just found out 8 yrs ago he had and. was finally given the chance to know.
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 9:17 PM
OP, are you coming back? There are so many issues here and unfortunately so much negative focus falls on your SD. Having to suddenly move into a home full of people you barely know...hard for her, hard for you, hard for your son, hard for your marriage. This is not all SDs fault.

How old are the children in your home? How long have you been married? How was your marriage before SD moved in? So many questions and i can assure you we can help. But you have to be willing to hear some hard truths and be willing to own part of the problem.

Are you willing to try?
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malinda74
by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2013 at 9:44 PM
Sometimes when children are molested they can't face the accuser and will accuse someone else. I hope counseling is happening for all involved.
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