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Why does it have to hurt so bad?

Where do I start I have three stepchildren all girls.12,10 and8.i have two of my own boy 8 baby girl 13 months. Recently I underwent some drama stirred up by my 12-year-old stepdaughter who lived with us for two years. Told her mother bunch of stuff about me calling her names and threatening to hit her numerous times and neglect is just the stuff that I never did never said. It was devastating when it all come about I was so disappointed in myself twelve year old Stepdaughter. Her mother and I never really got along. But we try for the kids this time round has ruined whatever I tried communication with his ex. I still hurts over all that happens my son aside for the 12-year-old to help her through struggles in the end it was just drama and just bullshit. I know I'm not supposed to take it personally but it hurts my heart was crushed I give her a lot I give a lot of me. So In the end I am the stepmother I will never be like mom which I never wanted to be I just wanted respect I didn't want to be treated like this I wouldn't let my own blood treat me like this why would I let her. So I pulled away from her put up the brickwall with my heart and I treat her as II just stepped into her life.not looking to please the children anymore as far as giving all of me. I have two children of my own that I wont push stepchildren have their own mom. Even though their mom isn't good to them because she has issues with drugs and alcohol and multiple partners.but that is their mom.I know it sounds harsh but I can't go through this pain every time they don't get what they want from me. I do worry my love won't understand,and will think I'm pulling our family apart. if you have any suggestions please feel free to comment.positive goes further then negative.thanks

by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 3:51 AM
Replies (11-14):
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting zannahdeux:

Does sd 12 still live with you? If so I suggest family counseling. You are doing exactly what I would do if that happpened to me. but as an outsider I know you should address how hurt you are with sd, how her words hurt you so much you don't want to be around her and don't trust her. Unfortunately 12 year olds lie and don't understand the damage words can do. This is how they learn. Try to remember that she was more than likely trying to get her bm's attention, and told her horrid lies to see of she would care if she was being abused. She probably didn't mean to hurt you but needs to understand this is not acceptable. What did dh say or do when this happened? He needs to speak to sd about lying and how she hurt you

I know it sounds mean,but no thankfuly sd12 isn't living with us,as a matter of fact I haven't seen her for a month.she has "lied" to her dad about coming for weekend visits,says she's busy or so.i feel bad for my hubby.he tries to be a good dad by allowing the girls decide in the end he is heart broken.hes not close to his girls,I believe he has never been taught.sd12 has what she wants at moms, a boyfriend,cell phone,makeup,laptop,Facebook,horror parties on weekends so the environment isn't healthy but I'm learning......not my kid.i would never allow my babes to be in a living state like that.everyone needs morals values rules and love.but again,not my far as sitting down with her I did,it was beginning to be heat convo.i put it out there,let her know her actions had caused me to step away.and how our relationship has changed for good due to her lies she has said about me.i told my hubby I will not be alone with sd12 as far as conversations are.i will protect myself and my heart in everyway

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:51 AM
I was saying that when SMs try to be the mom - they forget that their SKS love their BM whatever she is like - yes even those who have issues! What angers me is that the sm gets all bitter and expects the child to love them just as much if not more than the BM! My exs partner know ignores my daughter completely because she refused to call her mum. I don't like her esp as she is 'the other woman' but I want my daughter to be treated pleasantly when she stays with her dad.
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 10:41 AM

I wish I knew what to say to help you. I have an 8 year old step-son and his mom puts him up to lying and saying mean things all the time. I haven't learned yet how not to take it personal. I did pick up an awesome book called blended family, its a small book but she gets its. How its hurts being talked down too and how you are made to be the bad guy. I will be praying for your family.

by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 4:23 PM

I don't understand this response either, but I do understand that emsmum71 isn't giving you positive feedback so I'd skip this one for now.   You had your feelings hurt.  My guess is that SD was jealous of your baby.  Give her some time to mature and wait out this phase.   Ask your DH to talk with SD and explain to her how her words were so hurtful to you.  Then try not to let this bother you so much.  

Quoting candeeapple2010:

Quoting Emsmum71:

SMS that get angry when a sk does not want to be too close and then shun them are pathetic! They want to be the mum and expect the bum to be shut out!

Trying to understand your comment.but can't.what are you trying to say?

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