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Finally pregnant and NOW BF says he's anxious/depressed!!!

Posted by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 4:56 AM
  • 12 Replies
We are finally pregnant after trying since January. 5 weeks and he tells me he's been depressed and anxious about our relationship. We we to a wedding and he says we are not like them, not as happy, ect....says he doesn't think he will ever be happy. I am truly devistated. I'm 41, finally found a man I love and after three years we decide to have a child and now this happy moment has been tainted. He says he is afraid of failing again since he is divorced, with 2 kids. Only positive comments please. I'm trying very hard to stay positive and keep calm.
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 4:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TigaHotty85
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 5:20 AM

To be honest, most men get crazy like that when a baby comes into the picture. I had almost the same problem. My DH had a kid with another woman, never married, they were young and stupid. After the child was born she ran off with another man when the baby was 3 months old and disipeared for almost 6 months before he tracked her down and took the child back and filed for emergency temp custody. I came into all of that only a year later when the child was about 1 1/2 years old and been ever sense. Me and DH got married and have had our good days and our bad days. Anyone that is too happy in their relationship is doomed and will eventually split up, seen it way to many times. You have to take the good and the bad in a relationship. Thats what makes it work. But getting back on topic here. My DH was scared that if he ever fathered a child with me, that I would leave him too and take him for child support and try to keep that child from him too. Your lucky it only took you as long as it did to think about wanting another child. It took me 7 years to convince him I was not going anywhere and that I would not use him like his ex did. She only got pregnant so she could get him for Child Support and she could go out screwing around with other guys and still have an income. I have fought beside him for 9 years now, fighting his kids mom for custody as she is a really bad mom and my SD is all screwed up because of it. The courts wont give him custody and the BM keeps the primary custody. I told him that if his "Baby momma" didn't scare me off, and i'm still here then i'm not going anywhere. After 7 years I finally conceived my son after 2 months of trying. He was totally scared and after my son was born he went into a "Drinking" binge/depression for 3 months. I had to threaten to leave him if he didn't stop before he snapped out of it, Came around, and have had no issues except baby momma drama from his ex and SD issues. Which is normal... for us.

The point is, my DH was scared/depressed/ect too. He got over it and yours will too. Its a whole defence thing and he does not want to have happen again what happened in the past.

I wish you good luck, and congradulations on your baby. What is ment to be, will be. Wish you the best! =)

((I know that other SM's here can be vicious and negitivly reply. I've been a victom myself comming here for answers. See my posts to know what i'm talking about. I left here for a few months because 95% of the moms here bashed me for my problems I was having, blaming me, and its the BM and my SD with the problems and its effect on me, my DH, and now my DS is being effected.))

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 7:28 AM

Are you married?

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 7:40 AM


This

Quoting whatIknownow:

Are you married?



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 7:44 AM
2 moms liked this


I don't think normal men that are committed to their spouse "get crazy" like this. My ex did because he was not normal and certainly not committed to me. Going into a drinking binge after the birth of a child is not normal behavior.


I swear the excuses women give their men because they are "men" astound me.

Quoting TigaHotty85:

To be honest, most men get crazy like that when a baby comes into the picture. I had almost the same problem. My DH had a kid with another woman, never married, they were young and stupid. After the child was born she ran off with another man when the baby was 3 months old and disipeared for almost 6 months before he tracked her down and took the child back and filed for emergency temp custody. I came into all of that only a year later when the child was about 1 1/2 years old and been ever sense. Me and DH got married and have had our good days and our bad days. Anyone that is too happy in their relationship is doomed and will eventually split up, seen it way to many times. You have to take the good and the bad in a relationship. Thats what makes it work. But getting back on topic here. My DH was scared that if he ever fathered a child with me, that I would leave him too and take him for child support and try to keep that child from him too. Your lucky it only took you as long as it did to think about wanting another child. It took me 7 years to convince him I was not going anywhere and that I would not use him like his ex did. She only got pregnant so she could get him for Child Support and she could go out screwing around with other guys and still have an income. I have fought beside him for 9 years now, fighting his kids mom for custody as she is a really bad mom and my SD is all screwed up because of it. The courts wont give him custody and the BM keeps the primary custody. I told him that if his "Baby momma" didn't scare me off, and i'm still here then i'm not going anywhere. After 7 years I finally conceived my son after 2 months of trying. He was totally scared and after my son was born he went into a "Drinking" binge/depression for 3 months. I had to threaten to leave him if he didn't stop before he snapped out of it, Came around, and have had no issues except baby momma drama from his ex and SD issues. Which is normal... for us.

The point is, my DH was scared/depressed/ect too. He got over it and yours will too. Its a whole defence thing and he does not want to have happen again what happened in the past.

I wish you good luck, and congradulations on your baby. What is ment to be, will be. Wish you the best! =)

((I know that other SM's here can be vicious and negitivly reply. I've been a victom myself comming here for answers. See my posts to know what i'm talking about. I left here for a few months because 95% of the moms here bashed me for my problems I was having, blaming me, and its the BM and my SD with the problems and its effect on me, my DH, and now my DS is being effected.))



zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:07 AM

Please get him some counseling. It sounds like he maybe depressed and maybe just needs a little help with medication. He may just not make enough happy hormones which is no ones fault. Good luck

SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:30 AM
To be honest
Maybe he didnt think you would get pregnant, so he thought he was safe

Men worry about financial ways
If hes paying CS for his other 2 kids, now hes stressing about a 3rd. If he doesnt he may be thinking how is that fair to his other kids if he takes care of a newborn.
Im sure some fear from your relationship is part of it, but in what way?
If you break up thats another child he wont spent time with, everyday like with his other 2?
Or
Now he has kids by 2 different mothers?

Is his ex clawing at him now, like you see here on CM, in going after more money now that she found out he has another mouth to feed just to make sure the other kids he has are fed. Or in many cases, her pocket is filled. So let the new baby starve, like he doesnt have a right to move on in his life.

Whatever it is, he needs to be clear with you.
And honest.

Many men dont dare tell their SO the truth in how they really feel, because they dont want to hurt her feeling or hear the wrath of displeasure from her.
Could it be he pacified you, by making you believe he wanted another kid?
Now you are and hes now flipping?
Maybe your financial situation to have a baby is not where he wants it to be.
Another topic men hold back on talking about.
Money
Women dont want to hear that there are money issues, they want to hear there is money period.

Men and women think differently when it comes to family and money and sex.
The problem is, they dont talk about it. They lift that rug up once in awhile, but as long as its all quiet, alls good.
Until one freaks out

kim8934
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 9:05 AM

Congratulations on the baby!!!  that's the only positive comment I could come up with.  Get him into counseling.  if he is saying he is depressed, then he probably is.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 10:39 AM

 At least he is honest.  Yes, sounds like depression talking.  He may benefit from depression/anxiety meds--they are the best!!  Oh, and this is a happy time!  You are going to be a Mom!  Congrats.

DDDaysh
by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 10:44 AM

 From other posts you've made, it sounds like this attitude is not new and he has been depressed for a while.  Perhaps you thought getting pregnant would snap him out of it, but it doesn't work that way.  It typically only leads to more anxiety and depression if he wasn't fully committed to the idea up front. 

I suggest you recomend that he see a doctor about his depression. 

wymama610
by Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 11:38 AM

I don't think it's normal. My husband got royally fucked by my SDs mother. We were married 5 years before conceiving our first. He was elated. 12 years later we are now expecting our third child together in the next couple of weeks. He has never gone off the deep end about having children with me.

Good luck to you, I hope he snaps out of it for your baby's sake.

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