Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Anyone in this group have a good relationship with BM (or SM if you are BM)? ETA

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:57 AM
  • 37 Replies

If so please give me some encouragement.

I am trying so hard to be civil to my ex's GF. After our past it's hard. But I know she makes him happy. And I have forgiven them for the affair & asked for forgiveness for my part of the break up of the marriage. I know if circumstances weren't what they are then we would be nicer to each other. 

Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. A little background if you don't already know. Ex cheated on me with this girl (I say girl because she is just over 20 & we are almost 40) about 5 years ago. I didn't know about her for another 2 years. By then she was pregnant. Ex claimed he wanted to be with me, make things work, yada yada yada. Fast forward to Nov 2011 he's in the ER due to throwing out his back. He was suppose to go to her place to see their son but he text her saying I was taking him to the ER & he wouldn't be able to make it. She decided to show up knowing I was there. I had a panic attack in the ER & had to leave the room. 

Now- almost 2 years later I am at the point where I know I can be civil, it's just still a sore spot (mainly because he is more involved in their child's life than he ever was in our children's lives). Yesterday I went to pick the kids up & we had a some what decent conversation. GF works in retail & asked me what size pants our DD wears (today is her birthday & GF wanted to get her some clothes). After the kids left I whispered (in case any were outside the door listening) that I had bought DD some pants online & once she tries them on I will let her know what size. I think I did good there. Right?


by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 7:57 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
cali_rose
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Hi. I'm a stepmom. So from my POV. I did what I could to keep everything civil. She is the mother of my stepskids and I would never disrespect her for that reason. But she also does the same for me. She knows I have always been there for my stepskids and love them dearly. She has often even thanked me. I'm not saying were buddies. We keep our distance and only conversate about the kids. Which works for us. Stepmother of 12 yrs.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:37 AM
3 moms liked this

I  think forgiveness is a very important part of "moving on." I also had to forgive my Ex, and I had to forgive myself for staying with him as along as I did. We just were not well-suited for each other.

My Ex had affairs and almost left me for one of his mistresses.  If they had stayed together, I would have to forgive her too, I guess. I think I would do that by focusing on the fact that she did me a favor - by having an affair with him, she (they) allowed me to find the way out of my marriage and get on with my life.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I have a great relationship with never having to see her or speak to her... the sm in my situation is a non entity..

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:48 AM

I think you are probably on the right track, but it takes time. Plus it takes a level of respect on both sides.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:13 AM
When i met my hubby he had just split with BM we weren't serious at first it was just "Fun". And then my gpa passed and we became closer and started dating. he moved in because he let bm have house and car with kids and was staying in a hotel,a month after dating. She told me on new years they had slept together right after he moved in when he picked up the kids.

We had plans the day she text me but it was 3months after the fact. I had in those 3 months met the kids and became closer since moving in. I love yous were said. so when i found out i went on with my night and while in bed the next morning i brought it up. He apologized that he want to go get the kids and she was crying he felt bad and went to talk and had to see if he felt anything(Sex is a big thing to us) he said it was empty the love forsure gone and it was only that one time. his divorce finalized 5 months into our relationship. We were engaged in 6 married 15month. its been wonderful i fully forgave him and never put her at fault.

It was only hard when after i found out she started sending naked pic of which he showed me and text shed send. He gave me his phone and allowed me to confront her not on a sm vs bm but women to women since i now knew what had happened from her and him.

It gets easier to get past i know mine was only a one time thing but it was with a person i have to deal with forever as i am raising my husband's children she is in prison right now. We exchange kids i have texted as has she. we aren't friends but civil. Are you still inlove with your ex? If so it may just take some time. its easier to forgive but sometimes it take a while to forget. be civil and never let your feeling with her take away from kids and daddy time. I have 7 kids bm to 4 sm to 3.
Closet_Case
by Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 10:17 AM
We will not be friends because she is a sociopath and will twist whatever I say to her. That is a toxic relationship I will never be a part of, sorry I'm not much help
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I think you are right when you say circumstances are the key. My ex and I are 100% amicable but we did not end due to infidelity or other issues...we just were not good together. Sm and I get along extremely well and have spent more one on one time lately at my son's school events. It's really nice.

For your situation...what exactly do you have to do with sm? How much interaction do you have? My dh's ex is high conflict and I am always polite and nice when I am around here but do keep that level of interaction to a minimum as she is very hard to deal with. It has been over two years since I've removed myself from being a point of contact with her and she still tries to engage me via the phone anytime she has the chance.   Can you maybe just deal with your ex?  Or does that not work in your situation?

Wicked.Jester
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:29 AM

My two SS BM essentially abandoned them so yeah....no relationship is happening there anytime soon.  Now that they are 18 and 20 she suddenly resurfaced and wants to be a mommy.

Isn't that just precious?

Amy1973Potts
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 12:13 PM
We went from no relationship to a half working one. But she is so irrational, deluded thinking, and insanely nasty sometimes. But whatever.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 22, 2013 at 12:43 PM
Yes!! We have the perfect relationship. We stay out of each other's way. I stay in my lane and she stays in hers. She doesn't overstep in to my home and I stay out of hers. She lets me be mom to my child and she is mom to her child. It's the best relationship. And the best part, we don't see each other or speak. She stays away. I prefer it that way. She has her own family to raise.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)