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The house that "they" shared

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:31 PM
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I am currently living in the house that SO shared with his ex.  It is not currently an option to move.  We live in a great school district.  He owns his house.  It just would not be a wise financial, educational or emotional (for the young ones) decision to move right now.

So how did you make the house they once shared now your own? 


**Disclaimer: It hasn't always bothered me that they shared this house.  I think I am feeling a little not in control (and I can totally admit I like control) and I need to make this house ours.  Not theirs.  I realize I am totally being driven by irrational emotional feelings and this may all change by the AM.  But please give me ideas!

by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:44 PM
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I remember reading that ideally it is best not to leave in the house they once shared. If you have no options, I would do a major renovation, it would look nothing like before.

jadedcynic
by Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 11:46 PM

I'd get a real Rebecca vibe with something like that. Even if she's alive and well.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 12:25 AM
My stepdad moved in to the home that my mom and dad built 14 years prior. They still live in the same home now 30 years later. That is his home. Has not been my fathers home in 30 years. But the home looks nothing like it did although those changes are recent. They didn't change the home until we were grown simply because it was not a priority at that time.

Granted, men do not deal with the same emotional baggage that women do so it was no skin off his back to live in our home because he wanted to be with us and this had been our home for all of our lives. He simply moved in and created his own space and made the house his home.

When my ex husband and I moved in together, our home was brand new. Although there is some back story to the home. He had been in a long term relationship with a woman - no children and they were not married. He and I were friends/co-workers. They decided to build this home. She was a part of the planning process up until a certain point. The home was put on hold because they broke up and he no longer had the funds to continue building. It sat for a long time in 1/2 built mode. Our relationship moved quickly and we saved the money needed to continue the build. But a lot of the decisions that had been made would cost more to change. We simply wanted to get the house built so we could move in.
After living there for a few months, I was able to make changes to the color of the walls, wall paper.. That she had picked. I had no ill will towards her - there was no conflict but I just did not have the same tastes that she had. Their furniture was split - so he got some things from their break up and eventually all of that was gone. I realize that it is different because there are children involved - but who doesn't like fresh new paint and new wall decor? I redecorate my home constantly. Slowly start replacing old furniture with new. When my now husband and I moved in together some of the furnishings I had were from my first marriage. I wasn't in a financial position to get rid of all my stuff and start over with the same quality of furnishings I already had. Slowly they have been replaced. The only thing we still have is my daughters bedroom furniture. And she will likely have all of that for a long time. It just takes time to replace the old and being in the new if you don't have the money to furnish an entire home all at once.

Try painting one room at a time. Rearrange the furniture in a new way. Add some decorations that are brand new that you enjoy. Add family photos. I love decorating my bathroom ... I do it often. It's the one room that is constantly changing. I have SO many ideas for different ways to decorate ... I could have a new bathroom every week if I had the money. Just keep adding more small things to make the home yours. After a while, if the house is a true home with a loving family - you will no longer feel this way in your home. It is your home now. Make it feel like home.
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jeniemarie
by Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 1:35 AM
5 moms liked this
painting walls, redoing floors, gewtting new furinture or decor. just adding personal touches to things. even rearranging things already there can help
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Bethann04
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 8:16 AM
2 moms liked this

Yep, I agree - slow try to make it your own... painting is a great way to change the look/feel of a room... new furniture, new curtains/pillows.  Try landscaping the outside.

may want to be careful about the kids reaction to all the change -  get them involved for their rooms??

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think I would like that very much. I owned my house before I met my DH, but this was not my marital home with my Ex, I bought it with my half of the loot after the divorce.  

I think I would be very uncomfortable living in the house that DH and his ex-wife owned. I guess if I had to live there, I would redecorate the everloving bejesus out of it, so it bore as little resemblance to their house as possible.

lnr187
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 8:54 AM
1 mom liked this

 paint and redecorate!

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:08 AM

When I was in school to get my real estate license.... our teacher told us to make friends with a divorce attorney lol. He said that a women will not stay very long in a house that they SO shared with his previous wife. But that for men, it's not as big of a deal...they will slide ex husbands clothes over in the closet to make room for theirs and not think twice about it lol.

I wouldnt be something I would be comfortable with I dont think.

bottomline
by Silver Member on Sep. 25, 2013 at 10:14 AM
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 I couldn't do it. I understand the house is paid for but....too many memories. Since you say moving is not an option, remodel, redocorate and re-do to your heart's content. I would have to change anything and everything until I felt comfortable that MY home wasn't an image of their home.

 

TruIris
by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I agree with the others. Throw some fresh paint up there. Some wild colors even.
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