Need advice from the brutally honest.....and not a stepmom thing **UPDATE***
UPDATE: I had already told her I could give her $300 for her utilities this time, she came back with "Make it $400 and I will pay you back $100 a month probably." Hah. Your advice and that reply has toughened me up this time, I promise!!! I told her I couldn't do $400. My DH is going to help me be tough too. Everybody is right, she is 46 years old and I have to let go too.
This is nothing to do with Stepmom Central, but I'm looking for advice on how to handle my sister. We were both adopted and are polar opposites, plus she has some undiagnosed mental issues that everybody sees but doctors. Our parents are both deceased, our mother passed away in 2010. Mom left her house to us jointly, and all her bank accounts and cd's to me. My sister didn't even come visit her the last 8 years of her life except on her 80th birthday when I told her I wanted to surprise mom for her birthday. When she walked in mom didn't even recognize her it had been so long. My sister drank in the hospital while mom was dying, argued with me over her bed and I had to threaten her with security to get her to shut up, it was horrible. Again, she has mental problems so I try to temper my reactions because she is how she is.
She was on the verge of losing her job so I told her she could have the house as her share of the estate and I would take the money. I never told her mom really didn't leave her anything but half the house. She got a job and lived there the last couple of years and totally trashed the house. Her dog has destroyed mom's furniture, tore down curtains, crapped all over the carpets and chewed a hole throught the bathroom door. I know because we went to pick up a bedroom suit she agreed I could have. She agreed we could get it while she was at work and doesn't know I was in the house when my husband went to get it. From the cash I got I have bought her a car (turned out to be a lemon and she got sued for not paying the guy who worked on it). I paid the house taxes a couple of years and have sent her money for utilities from time to time. She has no clue how to manage money. Now she has been fired from her most recent job and denied unemployment. She says I'm rich and expects me to help her until she finds something else. She's always hated me in most ways because I've had "things" and a family and she has not. Flip side, if I called and told her I was sick, she'd be very concerned. She doesn't want to sell the house of course because she has the dog and lives rent free.
How much do I give her? Is the right thing to do pay her bills and support her until she finds another job? One minute she yells at me for not offering money when she is struggling, and the next minute she cries about her hard life. I feel terribly sorry for her but also angry that she considers me an effing bitch and will call me out if I don't say everything she wants to hear all the time. If I support her I think it should come from my inheritance, not from DH's pocket. But, my inheritance cash has only about $25,000 left and being in a second marriage, I've wanted to know that I had that to fall back on for me and my kids if this marriage didn't make it. Or, if my kids needed it I could help them with it. Part of me feels like she is going to end up getting everything and she wouldn't even give my parents the time of day after she grew up. I guess the bottom line will be I can coldly just turn my back or I can give her the money until I'm out. I don't see any middle ground here.