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DH issue

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:18 AM
  • 17 Replies
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Ok this is more a DH issue and I need some advice. I recently started working days. I have had a hard time adjusting my sleep schedule. A lot of stuff wakes me up. Last night it was almost 11pm before I fell asleep. I was woken up at 3 am by dogs barking. It takes me 30 minutes at least to get back to sleep. I was woke up again about 4:20 am when OSD 14 got up and got in the shower. I was startled out of sleep by the doors and the loud clank the shower makes when you turn the water from the tub to the shower. Husband then gets up at 5am for work and I get up at 5:30 to get kids to school by 6:45. When I got up and came into the kitchen, both SDs and DH were in the kitchen. I told DH good morning and then asked SDs who got up to shower at 4:20am. OSD said it was her. I said something about it waking me up and scared the crap out of me because I couldn't figure out who as up that early. We did have a home invasion about two blocks away last week. I said "no more, 5am is early enough." OSD looked sheepish and said okay. I then tried to say explain that showering at 5am would still give her an hour and a half to get ready. DH interrupted and said "ok!" Kind of like "that's enough you can quit harping now!" I get pissed and walked out of the room but didn't say shit. I went to the bedroom to finish getting dressed and make our bed. DH came in asking what was wrong. I said nothing and he said something was obviously bothering me. So I told him that it pissed me off when he cut me off and I feel like I can't say anything in my own house. DH got pissed and said "I'm sick of this." And walked out the front door. I'm sick if it too. I wasn't griping or harping or yelling. I was simply trying to talk to OSD. I'm to the point of telling him I'm done doing anything for his kids if I'm not allowed to speak to them about simple things in this house. They live here one week and with their mom one week. DH and I have been married 5 years and together 7. I feel like this has always been an issue where if I try to voice something to either of his kids he cuts me off but then says I have equal right to say something to them. I am ready to just be done with this stepmother thing if I can't have some basic considerstion in my own house. I know part of it is I am tired and stressed out trying to plan a surprise birthday party for about 35 people for DH for tomorrow. Sorry this is rambling. Not sure what advice I am looking for other than to just get it off my chest.
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:23 AM
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I guess I don't understand why you felt the need to continue the conversation after OSD agreed to nothing before 5am? Continuing the subject after the person has agreed to your terms IS harping and it's unnecessary.

JustaSM231
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:25 AM
I was just letting her know that 5am would still give her an hour and a half to get ready before we had to leave to get her to school. She fell asleep on the couch last night at 8:15 because all her early morning practices are getting to her and I wanted to explain that she probably needed to extra sleep rather than the extra time to get ready. I was just trying to explain my thoughts to her instead of "do this because I said so."


Quoting soonergirl980:I guess I don't understand why you felt the need to continue the conversation after OSD agreed to nothing before 5am? Continuing the subject after the person has agreed to your terms IS harping and it's unnecessary.
ndirishchic06
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:31 AM
I have no advice bc I'm in the exact same situation. If I don't say anything then I get ran over, if I do say anything then I'm bitching. I can't win and I'm so close to just walkin away, from all of it. The only difference is my SKs are 8 and 10. When you figure out a solution let me know lol
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:38 AM


If it were me I would in the future try to put my reasoning before my request. Explain why it would be better for her because she needs the sleep and it will be less disruption on the household could you please not shower before 5 am. Then SD says ok and the conversation is done. This is one of my biggest pet peeves if I agree to do something I don't need you to go on and on about why I should do it. DH used to have a bad habit of doing this because he didn't want to feel like his request was an order. Well if you don't want your request to feel like a order than make it a request and explain it, but doing it after I agree just comes across as nagging or like I am to incompetent to understand what I just agreed to.

Quoting JustaSM231:

I was just letting her know that 5am would still give her an hour and a half to get ready before we had to leave to get her to school. She fell asleep on the couch last night at 8:15 because all her early morning practices are getting to her and I wanted to explain that she probably needed to extra sleep rather than the extra time to get ready. I was just trying to explain my thoughts to her instead of "do this because I said so."


Quoting soonergirl980:I guess I don't understand why you felt the need to continue the conversation after OSD agreed to nothing before 5am? Continuing the subject after the person has agreed to your terms IS harping and it's unnecessary.



Sunseg
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 7:41 AM
If SD doesn't take an early morning shower I would tell her thank you. It sounds like SD was willing to do as you asked so praise her if she does.
MojoRsn
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:11 AM

Put a noise maker on your side table by your bed and take a shot of zquil before you go to bed.

child_of_fire
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:22 AM
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Hmm-- you said she said yes "sheepishly"-- do you think DH saw she was embarrassed (teens often are) about something that wasn't embarrassing and wanted to protect her from feeling worse? I know your request came from a place of logic, but teens interpret emotionally.

On another note: I hope you're able to get some sleep! Life is brighter through clear eyes.
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JustaSM231
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:30 AM
I've tried everything. I sleepwalk wih ambien, I throw up with lunesta, zquil gets me to sleep but only for a few short hours, same with Tylenol PM and Benadryl and unisom. I've tried earplugs but still wake up. We have two fans in our bedroom and if I wake up in the night, I have a noise machine and earphones I put in to help me go back to sleep. I have struggled with sleep all my life and the only thing I've found that works is ambien extended release but with my wonderful health insurance, my part of the prescription is about $150 a month.

I guess I was more upset by DH's response than anything and feel like I have no right to voice my own feelings in our home.


Quoting MojoRsn:

Put a noise maker on your side table by your bed and take a shot of zquil before you go to bed.


Wicked.Jester
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

When you live in a house with other people, there is noise.  I think its pretty ridiculous for you to make a stink about her taking a shower 40 minutes earlier than you would like AT ALL.  Unless she was blaring the radio or something she wasn't being rude....she was simply trying to get ready on a schedule that works for her.

And since you didn't even bother to ASK HER why she was up so early, perhaps she got her period or something unexpectedly and wanted to shower and clean up.  You called her out in front of everyone, she was nice enough to NOT give you attitude and just say "okay" and still you went on about it.

If I was your DH I'd be pissed at you too.  From his reaction it does NOT sound like this is the first time you have done this.


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:39 AM

There are two separate issues here.

Your sleep:  Have you ever tried a sleep study?  There might be more going on than just being a light sleeper.  Also, there may be some benefit to you trying some meditation before bed.  There's a nice (free) ap for iphone called Simply Being.  It is great for retraining yourself to chill out and go to sleep/relax. 

I'm a light sleeper too and have struggled with sleep for a long time.  Ever since I worked overnights.  I can't do the Ambien thing either.  But I have made some diet/exercise/meditation changes and when I do those things regularly, I find that I'm able to get to sleep and stay asleep much better.  

As for the other house noises...you do live in a house with other people. I get the frustration, but it's something you have to find a way to adapt to.

I would guess that the fact that you're often sleep deprived is playing a role in your sniping with SD as well.  Honestly, she should be able to get up whenever she feels she needs to in order to get ready.  My youngest SD really needs a solid 2 hours to get fully up and around.  Eldest SD doens't.  But at least she is trying to get up and around on her own.  I really DO think you overreacted in the situation you described.  While I would be a little tweaked if DH cut me off, it sounds like he NEEDED to.  You were crabby and beating a dead horse.

You certainly can voice your opinions in your own home, but the kids live there too.  EOW isn't exactly "visitation" where you suck it up for 2 weekends a month.  It's day to day life.  You have to adjust as well.  Maybe it would be better to have discussions privately w/ your DH before discussing with the kids.  Unless it's life or death, it can wait for cooler heads to prevail.

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