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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Stepmom... Win...

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:34 AM
  • 31 Replies
12 moms liked this

I was in the hospital from 9/16-9/23. I had 2 operations and was transferred to 2 different hospitals. (NC gals.. I ended up at UNC Chapel Hill) 

Anyway, yesterday in the mail was one of the best medicine ever!! BM and the skids sent me a get well card. Totally sweet of her!! (Especially since for the first two years of being a sm, I was one of the horribly controlling everything at MY house kinds of sm) 

So, it is never too late to examine and change how YOU, yourself are in the step relationship. To see what changes YOU can make to help create a better environment. 






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by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:48 AM
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That's very sweet of them.

I don't need to evaluate anything on my end though.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:01 AM

Awww that is awesome. I hope you a feeling well.

MojoRsn
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:10 AM

That's really great to hear. Glad you are feeling better.

Could you expand on your thoughts for some of the newer SM's just what you mean about the changes from who you were to who you are now that helped make the change?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this


I agree completely! I know I had this same epiphany at one point and made adjustments that changed the entire course of my steplife, and probably saved my relationships with my stepkids. 

it's never too late to make things better.

Quoting kellynh:

So, it is never too late to examine and change how YOU, yourself are in the step relationship. To see what changes YOU can make to help create a better environment. 



amantonacci
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:31 AM

I'm glad your feeling better! That was nice of mom and the kids.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:38 AM
Awesome!

I've been having a reasonable relationship with bm lately as well. It took a few years. I wasn't gung-ho per se, but I *really* thought bm might like to know me (as I had a good relationship with bm#1 from my first marriage)

I backed way out for a long while.

But I found out recently that bm and I use the exact same language with ss regarding his responsibilities and behaviors. I'm still giggling about that.
kellynh
by Kelly on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:43 AM
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I am so embarrassed to admit to even half of what I did... But absolutely. If someone can think, " Hey is this me??" And examine themself.... All the better!! 

First.. EMAILS....

I had to correct emails, right? DH, after all doesn't articulate well and needed my "help" to write to BM. Like BM wouldn't notice the whole context and style of writing changed and know who was responsible for it. So then, who was responsible for BM and DH not co parenting... Me!! 

THIS IS MY HOUSE!! 

Sure, I didn't make these kids, nor did I raise them... But when they are in MY HOUSE, they will follow... MY RULES. Sure DH "agreed" to these rules because in theory, they sounded good. I bullied DH into thinking my way of parenting was best. So, he went with my way.... Which means that everything those poor kids had known was gone. Not even one at a time, but gone... Overnight.

Those are some biggies, are there more.. Sure... But almost every problem can be attributed to those. 

What need to change first, was me. Things are so much better. Are they perfect? Hell no!! Kids are still kids, and we have been working on developing a different kind of relationship. If they do something DH thinks is wrong, he deals with it. Me.. We do crafts, cookies, walks, and talking. Now, they (ss12, ss10, sd9) seek me out to talk about things that interest them. 

For two years I "tolerated" them. I really was a POS. Now I welcome them. I realize that, unless I was at the latter (welcoming them) I should not have married my DH. 

Quoting MojoRsn:

That's really great to hear. Glad you are feeling better.

Could you expand on your thoughts for some of the newer SM's just what you mean about the changes from who you were to who you are now that helped make the change?







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MojoRsn
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 10:01 AM

Your life I suspect is going to be just fine from now on. It takes one hell of a woman to really grasp the concept of this. ANd you are right, life with kids just sucks sometimes and it's not great to work this into some kind of panacea, which you have not.

I don't even know you, but am really very proud of you. Congrats on getting your life back. Your story is a very familiar story to those SM's who have done the same as you. You know them, you have fought with them, now you understand. Welcome to your new life. Enjoy!

Here is another thing you get to enjoy. Your skids still loving you well after they have left the house. It's worth it!

Quoting kellynh:

I am so embarrassed to admit to even half of what I did... But absolutely. If someone can think, " Hey is this me??" And examine themself.... All the better!! 

First.. EMAILS....

I had to correct emails, right? DH, after all doesn't articulate well and needed my "help" to write to BM. Like BM wouldn't notice the whole context and style of writing changed and know who was responsible for it. So then, who was responsible for BM and DH not co parenting... Me!! 

THIS IS MY HOUSE!! 

Sure, I didn't make these kids, nor did I raise them... But when they are in MY HOUSE, they will follow... MY RULES. Sure DH "agreed" to these rules because in theory, they sounded good. I bullied DH into thinking my way of parenting was best. So, he went with my way.... Which means that everything those poor kids had known was gone. Not even one at a time, but gone... Overnight.

Those are some biggies, are there more.. Sure... But almost every problem can be attributed to those. 

What need to change first, was me. Things are so much better. Are they perfect? Hell no!! Kids are still kids, and we have been working on developing a different kind of relationship. If they do something DH thinks is wrong, he deals with it. Me.. We do crafts, cookies, walks, and talking. Now, they (ss12, ss10, sd9) seek me out to talk about things that interest them. 

For two years I "tolerated" them. I really was a POS. Now I welcome them. I realize that, unless I was at the latter (welcoming them) I should not have married my DH. 

Quoting MojoRsn:

That's really great to hear. Glad you are feeling better.

Could you expand on your thoughts for some of the newer SM's just what you mean about the changes from who you were to who you are now that helped make the change?



OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:28 AM

I keep telling my kids "A little kindness goes a long way."  What a great example.

DDDaysh
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Coolness!  I hope you feel better!  

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