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This Dad, That Dad...(link) for discussion

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:04 AM
  • 9 Replies

One of my FB friends posted a link to this blog entry by a single father whose son has a step father.  My friend's comment was "All step families should be like this". 

I'm not sure all step families CAN be like this but for discussion...do you think it's a little easier for men to accept a stepparent than women?


Here's the blog:

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/this-dad-that-dad-resume.html


And the text:


Quote:

As you know, I am Noah’s dad.

Did you know that Noah has another dad? His name is Jeff. Jeff is married to Noah’s mom.

Besides us both being dads to Noah, the two of us don’t have a whole lot in common. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You see, this dad gets to teach Noah how to use a computer. That dad shivers at the thought of touching a keyboard.

But that’s okay, because that dad will teach Noah how to change out a radiator. This dad has a hard time jumping a car battery.

This dad gets to teach Noah how to cry when crying will heal him. That dad will teach Noah how to take a hit and stand back up again.

That dad teaches Noah how to raise chickens. This dad teaches Noah how to train cockatiels.

This dad will teach Noah how to fix broken hearts. That dad will teach Noah how to fix broken engines.

That dad will teach Noah how to build a go-cart. This dad will teach Noah how to build a business.

This dad will help Noah with his math homework. That dad will help Noah with his shop projects.

That dad will teach Noah how to make friends. This dad will teach Noah how to buoy friends.

This dad will teach Noah how to dream a dream. That dad will teach Noah how to build it.

That dad is 6′ 0″ with brown hair and brown eyes.

This dad is 6′ 4″ with blond hair and blue eyes.

But… we do have some things in common.

This dad loves Noah more than life itself. That dad does too.

That dad will teach Noah how to work. This dad will too.

This dad cares deeply about making sure that Noah is provided for. That dad does too.

That dad will show up at every event that is important to Noah. This dad will too.

This dad will teach his son how to love and respect women. That dad will too.

Noah loves that dad. Noah loves this dad too.

You see, that dad is no less of a dad to Noah than this dad is.

This dad will never hesitate to do a favor for that dad, because this dad knows that Noah loves that dad just as much. And this dad will always do what’s best for Noah, just like that dad will.

Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

PS, step-parents are a tender subject with many. I’d love to hear something good or wonderful about any step-parents in your lives or your children’s lives. I’d also like to know how tough employment situations have affected your family.


by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-9):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

This sounds great from a stepparent perspective but I can understand as a mother why it could be a challenge when you really don't like or respect the stepparent (sometimes with good reason). I think I have seen though where some SMs who are BMs have expressed sentiments similar to what is in the blog so it happens with women too.

NewStepMom373
by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it has less to do with the gender of the parents/ step parents- I think it has everything to do with the people they are and how secure they are in their own selves and role as parent. I know many blended families who socialize together and even vacation together- it doesn't always have to be difficult.

DDDaysh
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I thing gender plays a part in some things.  As much as I hate it, females are often still much more involved in the raising of children than males.  I think this is wrong, and should change, but right now it's also still statistically true.  Because of that, Dad's can often have "less on the line" when it comes to parenting/step-parenting.  

But there are plenty of times when BMs and SMs get along fine, with annoyances on each side, but no real drama and everyone relatively happey that everyone else is involved for the well being of the child.  

Most people can accept a certain amount of variety in life.  Like the Dad and SD above, they're different, but the differences fall in the tolerable variation zone.  However, suppose "that Dad" wasn't only teaching Noah to be tough when he got hurt, but ALSO teaching him that women can be belittled and aren't as good as men?  Then I have a feeling that "this Dad" would no longer find "that Dad's" differences to be within the tolerable and even beneficial zone.  

And that's where alot of drama comes in.  When the two split sides of the family either have too much difference (sometimes with one side being actually abusive or neglectful), or when either side of the family has a "tolerable and beneficial" difference spectrum that is too narrow (such as when one side has a fit over a child being allowed to watch PG-13 movies or drink soda).  

DS's dad has dated many women since me.  I've gotten to know a few of them over the years (usually because they call me looking for money), even though in my case they weren't really SM's to DS because he never met them.  I can honestly say that if the woman my ex was with right after we broke up was DS's SM, there would be constant drama.  My ex always shoves his kids off onto whoever he's with at the time, and that woman and I have such widely different lifestyles, and her attitude towards children is so vile (IMHO) that I'm pretty sure it would be war.  On the other hand, I was recently in contact with my ex's most recent BM (at least that I know about).  I think if she'd been DS's SM, we'd have been ok.  We're different in some ways, but similar enough on all the big things, that I think we could have been friendly enough sitting next to eachother at EC events.  

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I've read that before and I like it...it made me think of my husband and my son's father as that is the way they are.

While I think it's awesome that some can be like that, I don't think it's often realistic. Personalities play a huge role in these types of situations and unless everyone is laid back and able work together I can see how feathers can get ruffled...doesn't matter the gender.

mistyann00
by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Wow, that can happen but in many situations and most situations its not. That would be very ideal and very less stressful. Its the point of being able to get two pesonalities such as this on the same page, very rare! Wishful to every SP I believe.

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 11:57 AM
I can tell you right now that if SD ever has a hands on, super involved stepdad..DH is not going to handle it well.

Right now she does not have a stepdad.Closest she has come to having one is when BM was engaged to her son's father.
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:02 PM

Oh please, "this dad" was so passively aggressive with his pseudo acceptance of "that dad".  There is definitely competition going on.  My guess is "this dad" is a bit of a narcissitic jerk.

That is what I took from it.

But no, I don't think SFs have it easier than SMs.  We just hear about how hard it is to be a SM more often on this forum.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:13 PM

I absolutely ADORE Dan (the blogger of Single Dad Laughing). 

EddiesMommy712
by Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:39 PM

I think that's a great way to look at it. My son has a stepmom, and he calls her "supermom" it bothered me at first, but really she does a lot of stuff that I don't. Her and I look similar, but we are not really very similar. I encourage her to teach my son the things she is good at that I am not, and I in turn do my part. Yes there is at times head butting and jealousy, on both ends, but overall I think we have a good relationship. Now my relationship with my son's dad....? Well, there is none, he refuses to deal with me at all and makes hsi wife do it, so it's just me and the SM, and that works for us.

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