Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

need helpful advice please!

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM
  • 20 Replies
Okay so my situation is this:
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years now. He has a daughter that comes to our house on the weekends and has been for a while now.
My issue is not with the child, its the BM. One day she will jut randomly text me or tag me on Facebook and talk about how i am wonderful for her daughter and she is glad i am her stepmom and how beautiful and creative i am, etc. Just completely full of compliments. Then the next time she talks to me she is just rude to me. I received a text from her telling me that i will never be anything more than daddies girlfriend and that i need to stay away from her daughter.
She just makes me feel uncomfortable and i dont know how i am supposed to be when her daughter comes to our house, and when we go pick her up. My boyfriend basically wants me to be fake around bm so i dont cause any problems between him and bm, to where she wont allow their daughter to come stay with us.

I am not sure how to handle things
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Take her off FB.

Does your BF have a custody order?

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:01 PM


this

Quoting WifeyC:

Take her off FB.

Does your BF have a custody order?



jules2boys
by Gold Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Why does BM have your phone number and why are you on FB with her? 

YOU should have no bearing on whether BM 'allows' BF to see his kid or not.  Block her on FB.  Block her number on your phone.  Stay out of things with BM, totally. 

BF and SM have been married for 7 years now (I think), BF and I have been separated for nearly 11 years now, SM has been in the picture longer than that.  I do not nor have I EVER had her phone number.  As far as I know she doesn't nor has she ever had my number.  I communicate with BF either by phone/text or email.  BF communicates with me by either phone/text or email.  We CAN talk in person but we both prefer written communication so we can reference it in the future should it be necessary (and it has been often).  I've never once needed to communicate anything with SM, and vice versa. 

You are the gf, not even the SM yet.  There is NO reason for you and BM to be in communication of any kind.  I do not like SM.  I do not hate her either.  She simply 'is' in my kids lives, but barely (BFs schedule choosing, I'm not keeping her out of their lives, but I'm not inviting her into their lives more either.  That's not my place, that's BFs place to do.  I didn't choose her, he did.  She didn't choose me, he did.). 

If she gets upset that you remove her from FB or don't respond to her messages, that's on her.  If she gets upset enough to try to block visitation between BF and his child, he either goes back to court or accepts it.  If he has a CO in place (he should!) then she must abide by it or he can have it altered.  This still has NOTHING to do with you.  This is solely between them.  Leave it that way!  For your own sanity.

Momma_1985
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:07 PM

Take her off of FB and dont text or conversate with her unless it's extremely necesarry! I learned my lesson! I only talk to her when I really have to and it's about the kids. Other wise everything goes through DH and Her not me! It will only make it worse with time. I keep it civil when I have to be around her, but otherwise we do not talk.

JustaSM231
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Block her from Facebook. Block her from your phone. Do not have contact with her. Let your boyfriend handle all interactions with her. If your boyfriend doesn't have a court order outlining custody, visitation, and child support, he needs to get one ASAP. If you don't have to go to custody exchanges, don't. Treat his child with respect and care while with boyfriend. Do not try to place yourself in a "mother" role as it will only cause strife and heartache. Follow your boyfriends lead as far as rules, discipline, etc.
OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 4:18 PM

Be pleasant when you see her, don't discuss issues with her, just talk about the weather.  Otherwise stay away from communication if possible.

Stepmom9967
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 4:59 PM
Thanks for the advice guys. It is just hard for me because i have never had to deal with this before. My boyfriend does rely on me a lot in the care of his daughter, and we have a lot of the same concerns, but it is hard to be able to bring them up to BM without her getting mad. I have been trying to stay out of their conversations as much as i can. Which is working. As far as Facebook goes she thinks that we need to be friends and if i remove her, which i have before, she contacts my boyfriend and wants to know why. She told him that she needs to be able to communicate with me when her child is in our care, so she has my number as well.
Sondi7
by Sondra on Sep. 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

I'd cut ties with her. Remove her from Facebook and don't communicate with her at all. Be cordial at the exchange but all communication- good or bad- should be between BM and your boyfriend.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 5:08 PM

why would you be bring up concerns to your SD's mother? It's not your place to bring up concerns. Do you think this might be why she doesn't like you anymore?

Quoting Stepmom9967:

Thanks for the advice guys. It is just hard for me because i have never had to deal with this before. My boyfriend does rely on me a lot in the care of his daughter, and we have a lot of the same concerns, but it is hard to be able to bring them up to BM without her getting mad. I have been trying to stay out of their conversations as much as i can. Which is working. As far as Facebook goes she thinks that we need to be friends and if i remove her, which i have before, she contacts my boyfriend and wants to know why. She told him that she needs to be able to communicate with me when her child is in our care, so she has my number as well.



Stepmom9967
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 5:11 PM
I am getting a lot of cut ties with her and dont communicate with her. When we go pick her up its about 45 minute drive. I would like for it to be a quick pick up but most of the time the child isnt ready to go, even though dad lets her know when on the way and almost there. Usually we are waiting outside by the door for 5 minutes. I just find it awkward talking to her about anything because i feel like she thinks she is better than me, by the way she talks to me. I am 1 year younger than her and boyfriend so she has made comments about that to me. But then also if I dont say anything or stay in the car, there is something wrong with me and she doesnt want her child around negative people, so she has to bring up that issue.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN