I would like to know, why is it the opinion of so many on here, stepmothers need to stay out of nearly all decisions made regarding their step children? I spend more time with my step kids than their parents do. Dad works 2 nights a week, and they are only with their mother on weekends. My hubby wants to involve me with EVERY single decision he makes regarding his kids. I text and talk with BM several times a week, and she has expressed how much she trusts and likes me because of how open I’ve always been towards communications about the kids, and not making it awkward for all of us. I know my boundaries, and if I don’t agree with her about something I let their father handle it, only talking with BM as like an informant. Like when we have to give one of her kid’s a consequence for bad behavior. I would never have committed myself to a man who has 2 kids if I didn’t want to be fully involved. I grew up with a SM who was very mean, and didn’t want anything to do with me. To this day, I can’t stand the lady and have no relationship with her. I would never want that with my step children. So, why have I and other concerned SM being told to stay out of it? For an entire year even before my partner and I moved in together he came to my daughter’s therapy appointment every week because he knew how involved he had to be as a step father. His involvement has enriched my daughter’s life in ways I never imagined before I met him. If he took the “stay out of it” attitude while I struggled with my daughter, I would not have considered him as a good choice to be my partner. I thought this group was for support of stepmoms, but telling us to stay out of it as the answer to everything is not just unhelpful, but REALLY BAD ADVICE! What their BM does affects her children, and in turn affects our whole family. So, if BM decides she is not going to check up on her daughter’s homework, and she comes home Sunday night without it done, you bet I’m getting involved. Or when she announced she plans on moving in with her bf and taking the kid’s full time, you bet I’m getting involved! If she decides she wants to dye her hair green, I could care less because it doesn’t involve the kids. See the pattern ladies? If your advice is to tell SM to stay out of it, then don’t give any advice because they wouldn’t be writing in asking for support if they planned on staying out of it. In fact, they shouldn't even be in the family if they planned on staying out of it.