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Just effin' great....

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:15 AM
  • 17 Replies

Excuse the absence lately, had my baby girl on the 6th so I've been a bit distracted from CM ;)

So here it goes...

Husband recieved court papers about changing the parenting plan. I'm sure some of you remember me saying that the BM married a man who beat and raped his wife (now ex wife) in front of their two young sons. BM and him met right after he got out of jail for it... So anyway, there is a court order where my SD isn't allowed to be alone with him without the supervision of her mother AND grandparents. Well these papers are indicating that she wants to change that now that she has two sons with him and has some sort of "proof" that he is no longer a threat. Oh, ok...I guess the fact he hasn't raped you, yet, is proof that this man is ok to be alone with SD? Sounds good! ~eyeroll~ Yes I know it's a little cynical and I could be overreacting...but sorry, I don't really trust men who rape.

Goes to add more crap in there about DH's legal issues(traffic stuff) that he is working out and almost done with and then also BM complains that there is no communication between DH and her. HAH! WTF?! This woman will not speak to my DH, she won't give him her cell number and he has to call the grandparents house, not always getting in contact with her.  She wants him to have weekends while she gets her all week....so meaning she can file for child support since she would have more time with her. Complains about the couple times he didn't take SD to pre-school last year. He would stay with me in the apartment I had so he could save money getting to work (I lived in the town he works and his town is 40 miles away) and SD stayed over as well so my girls and her could play. Yes, some of you may not agree with what we did, don't care, that's not the point right now. She says he didn't pay...well he did and what is it to her that HE didn't pay the pre-school his share? How does it affect her? It doesn't. The School has it on record that it's HIS repsonsibilty so there is no punishment or whatever to her if he didn't pay his half.

I don't get how she can be all up in my DH's life, try to get every little fact about it but when it come to her's...he has no right to know anything that's going on? When SHE is the one who married a man with a court order against him. I am just so pissed that this woman thinks she is acting in the "best interest" of her child, as the court papers say, when she is hurting her daughter by trying to take time away from her father and put her in the home of a convicted sex offender.

I'll probably get some of you standing up for her...but don't care. I think this is fucked and we are going to fight it with all we got. I'll start working at the end of October and I don't care if my whole check goes to a lawyer.

by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
I would not be happy about my child living with a sex offender. However, there is nothing in our CO that says she can't so long as the crime was not against a child. I'm guessing the courts believe that everyone can change and that there is only so much you can control in a persons life. She does have children with him so I'm guessing they are a family. I just can't imagine how this is going to work out.

I think it's a good idea to get a lawyer because I don't think this is something I would want to fight without a lawyer. I know there are things you can do pro se. But not in a situation like this when it can go either way.
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chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this
My sympathy for your dh. I wouldn't want my kid around a rapist or molester. I would be all about insulating my child from that monster. And bringing it to court if bm played any games. No exceptions, no boundary pushing. And "she has two kids with him" would not be sufficient for me to relax those rules. Those are not his kids and he cannot insulate them. His daughter, however, is absolutely his responsibility and he CAN insulate her.

I would not accept a custody change nor a relaxation of those restrictions. Sorry. That man messed up big time and your dh has every right. Every right to prevent, block and refuse to allow unsupervised visits or custody change. NO:

Sounds like he needs to keep his boundaries strong, keep receipts and let bm run her mouth while knowing he has proof of payment. People say stupid stuff all the time.

And YOU stop worrying about it. It is his fight. And I'm sure he is a big boy and can handle it.
Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I would hope this man has changed. Even if he has...it's still nerve racking to have your daughter around someone with that past. It could be SD watching her mother get beat and raped on the couch. You can't stop that image in your head as a parent. He also got charged with child abuse or something of the sorts raping her in front of their sons.

My DH has a lawyer but this time around I hope the lawyer does more knowing he will get paid (DH thinks the lawyer didn't try his hardest or put more time into his case because of thinking my DH didn't have the money for his time)... Or we can go find another.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not be happy about my child living with a sex offender. However, there is nothing in our CO that says she can't so long as the crime was not against a child. I'm guessing the courts believe that everyone can change and that there is only so much you can control in a persons life. She does have children with him so I'm guessing they are a family. I just can't imagine how this is going to work out.

I think it's a good idea to get a lawyer because I don't think this is something I would want to fight without a lawyer. I know there are things you can do pro se. But not in a situation like this when it can go either way.


Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:41 AM

I wish I could stop worrying. I know it's his fight and I feel frustrated knowing that I can't do or really say anything. I'll have to sit back and pray that my DH can stop BM from trying to pull this bullshit. Just be there for him emotionally and support him even by working my butt off for the lawyer.

Quoting chanizen:

My sympathy for your dh. I wouldn't want my kid around a rapist or molester. I would be all about insulating my child from that monster. And bringing it to court if bm played any games. No exceptions, no boundary pushing. And "she has two kids with him" would not be sufficient for me to relax those rules. Those are not his kids and he cannot insulate them. His daughter, however, is absolutely his responsibility and he CAN insulate her.

I would not accept a custody change nor a relaxation of those restrictions. Sorry. That man messed up big time and your dh has every right. Every right to prevent, block and refuse to allow unsupervised visits or custody change. NO:

Sounds like he needs to keep his boundaries strong, keep receipts and let bm run her mouth while knowing he has proof of payment. People say stupid stuff all the time.

And YOU stop worrying about it. It is his fight. And I'm sure he is a big boy and can handle it.


chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:11 PM
That's the fun of being a support person.

I'm confused though. Who has custody now? What is the split? Dh or the grandparents?

Being a sm had lots of dips. It's not easy and I hope your dh stays on top of this,

I hate he thought of kids being around sexual offenders or abusers. That is a set up for tragedy. I wish strength for your dh.


Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

I wish I could stop worrying. I know it's his fight and I feel frustrated knowing that I can't do or really say anything. I'll have to sit back and pray that my DH can stop BM from trying to pull this bullshit. Just be there for him emotionally and support him even by working my butt off for the lawyer.

Quoting chanizen:

My sympathy for your dh. I wouldn't want my kid around a rapist or molester. I would be all about insulating my child from that monster. And bringing it to court if bm played any games. No exceptions, no boundary pushing. And "she has two kids with him" would not be sufficient for me to relax those rules. Those are not his kids and he cannot insulate them. His daughter, however, is absolutely his responsibility and he CAN insulate her.



I would not accept a custody change nor a relaxation of those restrictions. Sorry. That man messed up big time and your dh has every right. Every right to prevent, block and refuse to allow unsupervised visits or custody change. NO:



Sounds like he needs to keep his boundaries strong, keep receipts and let bm run her mouth while knowing he has proof of payment. People say stupid stuff all the time.



And YOU stop worrying about it. It is his fight. And I'm sure he is a big boy and can handle it.



Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:22 PM

It's shared. EOW, drop offs are every Friday at 5pm and she's trying to get him to only have every other weekend or every weekend except the 2nd weekend of the month. There is no reason for her to do that other than to fit her agenda. Oh this woman...I shouldn't let it get to me but I just cannot believe the nerve of some women when the father is a good man who takes care of his kid(s).

Quoting chanizen:

That's the fun of being a support person.

I'm confused though. Who has custody now? What is the split? Dh or the grandparents?

Being a sm had lots of dips. It's not easy and I hope your dh stays on top of this,

I hate he thought of kids being around sexual offenders or abusers. That is a set up for tragedy. I wish strength for your dh.


Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

I wish I could stop worrying. I know it's his fight and I feel frustrated knowing that I can't do or really say anything. I'll have to sit back and pray that my DH can stop BM from trying to pull this bullshit. Just be there for him emotionally and support him even by working my butt off for the lawyer.

Quoting chanizen:

My sympathy for your dh. I wouldn't want my kid around a rapist or molester. I would be all about insulating my child from that monster. And bringing it to court if bm played any games. No exceptions, no boundary pushing. And "she has two kids with him" would not be sufficient for me to relax those rules. Those are not his kids and he cannot insulate them. His daughter, however, is absolutely his responsibility and he CAN insulate her.



I would not accept a custody change nor a relaxation of those restrictions. Sorry. That man messed up big time and your dh has every right. Every right to prevent, block and refuse to allow unsupervised visits or custody change. NO:



Sounds like he needs to keep his boundaries strong, keep receipts and let bm run her mouth while knowing he has proof of payment. People say stupid stuff all the time.



And YOU stop worrying about it. It is his fight. And I'm sure he is a big boy and can handle it.




Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:23 PM

Oh, and BM lives with her parents, her husband has his own place in another town so our guess is she wants to go live with him full time...which is understandable and is why we are pretty sure she is trying to limit my DH's time with his daughter.

Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

It's shared. EOW, drop offs are every Friday at 5pm and she's trying to get him to only have every other weekend or every weekend except the 2nd weekend of the month. There is no reason for her to do that other than to fit her agenda. Oh this woman...I shouldn't let it get to me but I just cannot believe the nerve of some women when the father is a good man who takes care of his kid(s).

Quoting chanizen:

That's the fun of being a support person.

I'm confused though. Who has custody now? What is the split? Dh or the grandparents?

Being a sm had lots of dips. It's not easy and I hope your dh stays on top of this,

I hate he thought of kids being around sexual offenders or abusers. That is a set up for tragedy. I wish strength for your dh.


Quoting Rocker.Mom.07:

I wish I could stop worrying. I know it's his fight and I feel frustrated knowing that I can't do or really say anything. I'll have to sit back and pray that my DH can stop BM from trying to pull this bullshit. Just be there for him emotionally and support him even by working my butt off for the lawyer.

Quoting chanizen:

My sympathy for your dh. I wouldn't want my kid around a rapist or molester. I would be all about insulating my child from that monster. And bringing it to court if bm played any games. No exceptions, no boundary pushing. And "she has two kids with him" would not be sufficient for me to relax those rules. Those are not his kids and he cannot insulate them. His daughter, however, is absolutely his responsibility and he CAN insulate her.



I would not accept a custody change nor a relaxation of those restrictions. Sorry. That man messed up big time and your dh has every right. Every right to prevent, block and refuse to allow unsupervised visits or custody change. NO:



Sounds like he needs to keep his boundaries strong, keep receipts and let bm run her mouth while knowing he has proof of payment. People say stupid stuff all the time.



And YOU stop worrying about it. It is his fight. And I'm sure he is a big boy and can handle it.





whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:14 PM

So, Mom filed a motion to change the parenting schedule from 50/50, to  her having primary and Dad having EWE or 3 weekends a month?

What is the basis (change in circumstance) for the motion?

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this

It's going to be pretty hard for her to change custody from 50/50 to weekends.

The parent filing the petition has to initially prove a significant change in circumstances. I'm not sure what BM's significant change in circumstances is here; maybe it's "My DH is no longer a threat"? Who knows.


Then, the parent filing the petition ALSO has to prove that the proposed changes are in the best interest of the child. So, how does BM propose that these changes will benefit the CHILD? Doesn't sound like the changes would at all.

I highly doubt a judge would approve this. 

Rocker.Mom.07
by The Savior on Sep. 28, 2013 at 1:44 PM

I am guessing she wants to move in with her husband and take SD out of the school here and enroll her in that town's school. Just my guess on why the change.

Quoting whatIknownow:

So, Mom filed a motion to change the parenting schedule from 50/50, to  her having primary and Dad having EWE or 3 weekends a month?

What is the basis (change in circumstance) for the motion?


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