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What can I do about my SD's grades?

Posted by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:27 AM
  • 20 Replies

My husband just likes to yell and sometimes ground.  Never consistant.  She is already taking two freshmen classes that she flunked last year over this year.  She is 15 almost 16 and doesn't care about her grades at all.  I know she can do it if she tries but she doesn't put any effort into it.  What can I do as a step parent besides inform her dad about her grades?  She live full time with us and her mom is in another state and didn't even graduate high school herself. 

She thinks that I am going to let my DS get away with a lot when he gets older.  He is 5 right now.  I let her know this weekend when an oportunity popped up that she has it easy with her dad concerning her grades and that my DS would be grounded until his were brought up.  I was raised in a very strict military family. 

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:33 AM

I don't think there is anything you can do. It seems her parents don't really value education. 

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:34 AM

nothing if dad isn't invested. Work on him. If that's all he's willing to do it probably won't mesh well with your standards.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:34 AM



Quoting whatIknownow:

I don't think there is anything you can do. It seems her parents don't really value education. 

What she said.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:40 AM
2 moms liked this

I don't think you can discipline or ground or do anything active, but if you have a good trusting relationship wih her, you could just try talking about the benefits of an education, what she could do with good grades, take her on a college visit to a local university, encourage her and help her see value.

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:42 AM

 I do forward the missing assignments and grade updates that come to me from family access to him.  He just acts like he doesn't want to be bothered with the non fun things with the kids. 


Quoting Polkadotted:

nothing if dad isn't invested. Work on him. If that's all he's willing to do it probably won't mesh well with your standards.


 

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:42 AM
There is not much you can do. My OSS is the same way and DH stays on top of his grades and will follow up w/him and say why didn't this get turned in? He has gotten better I think my SS problem is when he's doing good he gets a little too comfortable. Then when grades start going south he has to work that much harder.

DH and BM are both consistent w/grounding him tho.

U said he lives w/you guys full time? How often does he see BM? I ask b/c OSS said the reason last year he didn't care or didn't try was b/c he thought if he did really bad DH would send him back to live w/BM. Didn't happen
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:45 AM

I think this is good advice and would suggest the same. To me, it wouldn't matter whose kid it was...if they are living in my home I'd feel like I'd at least want to share my opinions on the value of doing your best in school and how it really does affect the outcome of your life.


Quoting pdxmum:

I don't think you can discipline or ground or do anything active, but if you have a good trusting relationship wih her, you could just try talking about the benefits of an education, what she could do with good grades, take her on a college visit to a local university, encourage her and help her see value.


 

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:51 AM

 She only goes to see her BM for a couple of weeks to a month in the summer.  She can see her BM on a Holiday during the year but her BM doesn't want to pay for a plane ticket to get her there.  We live in TX and she lives in Ohio.  She doesn't want to move back with her BM.  She used to say she did to be hurtful to her dad but dad called her bluff during the summer and she hasn't said it since (expecially after her last visit with her mom).  She doesn't want to go back to see her mom next summer and she will be almost 17 so we are not going to force her to.  Expecially since this last visit her BM pretty much ignored her and she ended up spending her time there at ther Grandmothers. 


Quoting Leigh84:

There is not much you can do. My OSS is the same way and DH stays on top of his grades and will follow up w/him and say why didn't this get turned in? He has gotten better I think my SS problem is when he's doing good he gets a little too comfortable. Then when grades start going south he has to work that much harder.

DH and BM are both consistent w/grounding him tho.

U said he lives w/you guys full time? How often does he see BM? I ask b/c OSS said the reason last year he didn't care or didn't try was b/c he thought if he did really bad DH would send him back to live w/BM. Didn't happen


 

DDDaysh
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Then outside of being encouraging, there probably isn't much you can do. This is the example her parents are setting for her. She's about as interested in her school work as DH is in his parenting.
Quoting huntersmom1007:

 I do forward the missing assignments and grade updates that come to me from family access to him.  He just acts like he doesn't want to be bothered with the non fun things with the kids. 


Quoting Polkadotted:

nothing if dad isn't invested. Work on him. If that's all he's willing to do it probably won't mesh well with your standards.


 

veggiemom474
by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I have SD who is 11, but truly acts more like 14. I would suggest giving her the opportunity to allow you to help her. Maybe sit with her and help her with what she's working on. I tried this with my SD, and she clearly told me she didn't want my advice, and walked away with an attitude. When she gets a failing grade, she will not be allwoed her cell phone or allowed to go to dances. There does come a point when if help is refused, and they are too old to make them sit down and focus, they need to suffer the consequences. Failing grades equals summer school, or being left back. Plus whatever consequence her dad gives her. So, offer your help, but if she acts like she doesn't want it, let her fail. You can't force her, but you can open the door if she decides she wants some assistance.

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