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What can I do about my SD's grades?

My husband just likes to yell and sometimes ground.  Never consistant.  She is already taking two freshmen classes that she flunked last year over this year.  She is 15 almost 16 and doesn't care about her grades at all.  I know she can do it if she tries but she doesn't put any effort into it.  What can I do as a step parent besides inform her dad about her grades?  She live full time with us and her mom is in another state and didn't even graduate high school herself. 

She thinks that I am going to let my DS get away with a lot when he gets older.  He is 5 right now.  I let her know this weekend when an oportunity popped up that she has it easy with her dad concerning her grades and that my DS would be grounded until his were brought up.  I was raised in a very strict military family. 

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Replies (11-20):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Maybe take her to lunch and tell her how smart she is, how well you know she could do if she was willing to put forth the effort. Really build her up with positive comments/remarks. And think of some type of reward that would be enough to encourage the good grades you know she's capable of making.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 12:42 PM

I think this is good advice and would suggest the same. To me, it wouldn't matter whose kid it was...if they are living in my home I'd feel like I'd at least want to share my opinions on the value of doing your best in school and how it really does affect the outcome of your life.


Quoting pdxmum:

I don't think you can discipline or ground or do anything active, but if you have a good trusting relationship wih her, you could just try talking about the benefits of an education, what she could do with good grades, take her on a college visit to a local university, encourage her and help her see value.


 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:03 PM
This is what my parents did. Took me to a huge university and it got me super excited to get my grades up.


Quoting pdxmum:

I don't think you can discipline or ground or do anything active, but if you have a good trusting relationship wih her, you could just try talking about the benefits of an education, what she could do with good grades, take her on a college visit to a local university, encourage her and help her see value.


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huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:05 PM

 Last year we tried the reward route.  We told her if she kept an A/B average through out her Freshman/Sophomore year that we would buy her a car her Junior year.  She failed 3 classes the first semester.  The only thing she is interested in is hanging with her boyfriend.  When I tell her I can't/won't buy her something she says oh well "boyfriend" will. 

I did tell her this past weekend that I thought she was capable of anything if she put her mind to it and tried. 


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Maybe take her to lunch and tell her how smart she is, how well you know she could do if she was willing to put forth the effort. Really build her up with positive comments/remarks. And think of some type of reward that would be enough to encourage the good grades you know she's capable of making.


 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Frying pan...to DH's head?

I mean seriously, he doesn't see this as an issue that needs some attention?

YOU can't do much if neither parent is interested.  What a shame.  

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:22 AM

 Thank you for that.  Sometimes that goes through my head when he is watching a game or playing his PS3. 


Quoting Birdseed:

Frying pan...to DH's head?

I mean seriously, he doesn't see this as an issue that needs some attention?

YOU can't do much if neither parent is interested.  What a shame.  


 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:48 AM

What's the plan when she graduates HS?  Will your DH allow her to squat at home?  Will she be expected to work?  Does she have any interest in college?

Her grades aren't about you and DH.  They're about her.  She is the one creating or destroying opportunities for herself.  The only thing y'all can do about it is not enable her.  No special privileges for failing, no free rides at home, no rescuing if/when she panics over opportunity lost... As long as she is aware you and her dad CANNOT procure her a spot in college or a decent job, your job at this point is essentially done.  She's halfway through HS, so it's a little late for grades to suddenly become important if they never were before.  Be there for support if she starts making an effort.  Otherwise, all you can do is remind her that it's her future.

ETA:  If she does have college ambitions, is she aware that she isn't entitled to attend?  When I was applying for college, I had peers that were simply stunned over being rejected, like it never dawned on them their half-assed HS efforts might fail to impress an administrator.  That was almost 20 years ago, and the entitlement mentality among youth seems to have only grown with the heightened push toward college educations.

ilovekids326
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:49 PM
Well i keep up on my sd grade and both school know who i am. Our oldest in marching band this yrs but didnt do to hot at the end of her freshman yrs. So we told her she need to keep a b average to stay on marching band and so far what i see she not doing that good.
momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:47 AM

It is hard to give advice when I don't know her age or current grade level.  If freshman classes aren't working can't she be pulled out?  Maybe it isn't that she won't do it but it is she is even board with the freshman class?  I know some gifted children have a hard time because they get it so fast that they get board.  Plus hormones are big right now so that will factor in what she focuses on.  

I think that talking to the school with BF and then talking to SD about what she wants to do in the future as a family is a good first step.  The only unacceptable answer to her future is never moving out and never getting a job. LOL 

huntersmom1007
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:23 AM

 We have made it quite clear that she is not going to squat at home.  She has some interest in college so I keep stressing that high school grades are a big thing to get into college. 


Quoting Derdriu:

What's the plan when she graduates HS?  Will your DH allow her to squat at home?  Will she be expected to work?  Does she have any interest in college?

Her grades aren't about you and DH.  They're about her.  She is the one creating or destroying opportunities for herself.  The only thing y'all can do about it is not enable her.  No special privileges for failing, no free rides at home, no rescuing if/when she panics over opportunity lost... As long as she is aware you and her dad CANNOT procure her a spot in college or a decent job, your job at this point is essentially done.  She's halfway through HS, so it's a little late for grades to suddenly become important if they never were before.  Be there for support if she starts making an effort.  Otherwise, all you can do is remind her that it's her future.

ETA:  If she does have college ambitions, is she aware that she isn't entitled to attend?  When I was applying for college, I had peers that were simply stunned over being rejected, like it never dawned on them their half-assed HS efforts might fail to impress an administrator.  That was almost 20 years ago, and the entitlement mentality among youth seems to have only grown with the heightened push toward college educations.


 

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