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What do you think? Morals v. money.

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We are in the middle of a custody mess. We need to change the wording of our current custody agreement so that the co states dh is domiciliary parent so that sd can stay enrolled at our local school. (Last year bm agreed to change custody so we applied for sd. Upon acceptance bm refused. Now school is insisting it change or ad will be kicked out.) Bm agrees to make dh domiciliary but wants dh to continue paying cs. Sd goes to school in our district and is at our house about 60-75% of the time. Should we just go along with her demands and persue a modification at another time?
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:01 PM
Replies (21-30):
Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:16 PM

We aren't attorneys so seek the advice of an attorney in your state about what the legal rules are about CS.   Depending on your DH's income, he might still have to pay CS to BM for the 25-40% of the time she has SD.   First thing, specify the exact amount of time you and BM each have SD.  What does CO state?  Have all your facts and see your attorney.  He or she is the only one who can advice you properly.

BluDog
by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:19 PM


The friend is basically helping us keep sd in school...bm is the one who brought up cs because she sees sd as a paycheck AND a bargaining chip. Sad but true. She will not agree to modofying custody if we wont agree to keep on with cs...then cs will get thrown out. For now we ort of have to go with her plan for sd's benefit. it makes me sick.

Quoting Birdseed:

I think it's time to ditch the "friend" and hire an actual attorney who is fully engaged.

I don't know where you're located and don't need to...but I can tell you that when it comes to modifications in MY experience, having someone who is impartial AND knows the system goes a long way towards cutting out the BS.  

BM may well like the idea of continuing to get X amount of CS each month.  Who wouldn't?  But it may not be the way the law actually works.  So if she really wants to keep her child in the school of choice, if she really IS interested in changing custody, then THAT needs to be the focus first.  The CS will follow and is a different topic altogether.  (in my experience)  Someone (not you, but a professional) needs to have that discussion with BOTH parents.

This child isn't a paycheck or a bargaining chip.  

That said, if BM is close enough to keep the 50/50 and keep the child in school even if DH 's home is considered custodial, then why change?  Our home was the "custodial" home for the purposes of school and it had zero bearing on anything else.  I must be missing something.


Quoting BluDog:


Basically, a friend of ours is helping us with this as long as we can all agree. He will not moderate. Part of me wants to say 'fine' and deal with it later. Another part of me wants to tell her...well, you get the idea. Besides, I can't even think of anything she would agree to if she's not getting her monthly check.

Quoting Birdseed:


Then he really needs to talk to an attorney.  No one here can really give you legal advice that will count, ya know?

DH and BM in my sitch had 50/50 ever since their divorce.  There were lots of times when the kids were with us for weeks at a time.  BM was unemployed for most of the time and DH didn't want to pursue legal action, he just kept paying as originally agreed (outside of Friend of the Court, that's why she agreed to 50/50) because he wanted his kids to have reasonable things, a reasonable life--with BM.

He continued doing so even after HE became unemployed.  Very frustrating for me as I felt like (well I was!) supporting ALL of them.

If the CS needs to be modified, it needs to be modified through the usual channels.  Your DH needs to speak to an attorney and figure out how to proceed.


Quoting BluDog:

That's the thing, too...bm makes about three times what we make yet we pay her cs?! At the time of the divorce my husband was all "forget the cheese just get me out of this trap"...here we are, years later and a lot of factors have changed.


Quoting Birdseed:



Quoting faerie75:

In my situation, I wouldn't be cool with it.


Maybe not, but if that's how the law works in your state, that's what you deal with.

The idea of CS is to equalize things between homes.  If there is a major difference in income between the two homes, you typically end up paying CS regardless of how much the kids are with you or how much of the "extra" stuff you're paying for.












looneytunes290
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:27 PM
I have never heard of someone who has more than 50/50 custody paying the NCP. I bet it would be I your favor to stick to your guns and say nope she has stayed with us X amount of overnights and is enrolled in school we would like the cs to reflect that.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:49 PM
Get a lawyer, take it to court and let the judge decide.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:50 PM
It can and has happened in cases where the states calculation is based off of income and not time. So a CO can pay CS to an NCP if the CP makes more money. They pay the NCP support to align their incomes more closely with each other. I don't agree with it but it is this way in some states.


Quoting looneytunes290:

I have never heard of someone who has more than 50/50 custody paying the NCP. I bet it would be I your favor to stick to your guns and say nope she has stayed with us X amount of overnights and is enrolled in school we would like the cs to reflect that.

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kgsharber
by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 11:42 PM

No, do not pay her greedy ass. The kid will never respect you for "buying her" & she certainly will never respect her mother for basically placing her for sale. 

Take her to court, and if you have had primary custody for a year already, you will win. I would even go as far as to put something in writing saying that this is what she wants to agree to, have it noterized, and use it in court against her!

F that~

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 7:33 AM
2 moms liked this


From a legal/strategic standpoint, this is the route I would go.

However, if you currently have 50/50 and still owe child support, the CS might not change much if you move to 60/40. You should get the worksheet and run the numbers and see if there is much of a change in the CS amount.

Quoting pepper504:

Get the modification done and then go back and get CS changed. 



Numama72
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:18 AM

 

I envy that....absolutely how it should be! If a court awards 50% custody to someone, they should be able to afford to take care of their kid(s) for that amount of time....with no cs! we have 50/50 and pay nearly $600/mo to the bm who chooses to be lazy about finding work, lives with her bf who helps her, she collects assistance...AND makes money on the side doing hair....makes no sense to me....

Quoting pepper504:

Ex and I have 50/50 with no CS awarded.  We split everything 50/50. 

Quoting Birdseed:

 

Having 40% of overnights is not "so little"--it's a lot more than most NCPs have.  Lots of people even in a 50/50 pay CS.  We always did.  It's not just about time, it's also about finances.  

Quoting faerie75:

Fuck no. I wouldn't be cool w paying her greedy ass when she has so little custody.

 

 



 

pepper504
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:32 AM

I was never married to my ex.  He had DD16 (then 1.5 yrs old when we went through the custody battle of hell) as much as I did when she was younger.  So, that being said, we settled on 50/50 custody.  He made more money than I did at the time so I could have taken him back to get CS, but we decided to split everything down the middle.  So, in the CO that he judge signed, it basically states that we have 50/50 everything and he is to carry medical insurance on DD. 

We have not gone back for a modification or anything with regards to the CO.  We are operating on the original order that was put in place in 1999 (DD16 was 2 yrs old).  Shit, I have not looked at the CO nor do I even know where it is anymore, lol.  We just send emails or texts with things and we reimburse each other the other half ASAP.  Helps when two people can work together.  The CO that I have with my ex would not work for DH and his exwife. 

Quoting BluDog:


Pepper, how did you do that? Was it modified or ordered with the divorce judgement?

Quoting pepper504:

Ex and I have 50/50 with no CS awarded.  We split everything 50/50. 

Quoting Birdseed:


Having 40% of overnights is not "so little"--it's a lot more than most NCPs have.  Lots of people even in a 50/50 pay CS.  We always did.  It's not just about time, it's also about finances.  

Quoting faerie75:

Fuck no. I wouldn't be cool w paying her greedy ass when she has so little custody.







jlg12678
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:37 AM

I would get the court order changed regardging placement and then I would file for a modification in child support.

I would not agree to keep paying her child support for kids she is no longer primary to. That is just ridiculous.

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