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What do you think? Morals v. money.

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We are in the middle of a custody mess. We need to change the wording of our current custody agreement so that the co states dh is domiciliary parent so that sd can stay enrolled at our local school. (Last year bm agreed to change custody so we applied for sd. Upon acceptance bm refused. Now school is insisting it change or ad will be kicked out.) Bm agrees to make dh domiciliary but wants dh to continue paying cs. Sd goes to school in our district and is at our house about 60-75% of the time. Should we just go along with her demands and persue a modification at another time?
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:01 PM
Replies (31-35):
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:37 AM

lol.  It only works when two parties are willing to work together.  I could have taken my ex back for CS as he made more than I did at the time.  Personally, I think that if you have the child 50% of the time, then you should be able to handle things financially in your household.  The ONLY thing that we split 50% are her bills.  Cheerleading, high school tuition, braces, and whatever else that falls under that category.  I bought DD16 her car and ex pays her insurance. 

Quoting Numama72:


I envy that....absolutely how it should be! If a court awards 50% custody to someone, they should be able to afford to take care of their kid(s) for that amount of time....with no cs! we have 50/50 and pay nearly $600/mo to the bm who chooses to be lazy about finding work, lives with her bf who helps her, she collects assistance...AND makes money on the side doing hair....makes no sense to me....

Quoting pepper504:

Ex and I have 50/50 with no CS awarded.  We split everything 50/50. 

Quoting Birdseed:


Having 40% of overnights is not "so little"--it's a lot more than most NCPs have.  Lots of people even in a 50/50 pay CS.  We always did.  It's not just about time, it's also about finances.  

Quoting faerie75:

Fuck no. I wouldn't be cool w paying her greedy ass when she has so little custody.







laughnchica
by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:40 AM

This is how it is in my state too. It does not make sense to me that the parent who has the child majority of the time has to pay money to the parent who has the child less. Just a little bit backwards to me...

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I always find it interesting when the CP has to pay the NCP CS. In our state the NCP is the paying parent and the CP is the parent who receives CS. The end.


Quoting Birdseed:



Quoting faerie75:

In my situation, I wouldn't be cool with it.


Maybe not, but if that's how the law works in your state, that's what you deal with.

The idea of CS is to equalize things between homes.  If there is a major difference in income between the two homes, you typically end up paying CS regardless of how much the kids are with you or how much of the "extra" stuff you're paying for.





Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this

See if you can modify the possession order independent of CS.  It'd be easier to modify CS after you've been established as the custodial household. 

The CS vs. custody thing is typical.  The only time BM of my SKs ever showed interest in custody was when facing a CS increase.  Sad when money takes priority over parenting.  Then she tries to tell the kids that the only reason DH fought for them was to avoid paying CS.  SMH.

Numama72
by Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 1:14 PM

 exactly....that's the problem...bm refuses to work with us to make things easier on the kids and on all of us financially....it's ridiculous...whaddya do?!?


Quoting pepper504:

lol.  It only works when two parties are willing to work together.  I could have taken my ex back for CS as he made more than I did at the time.  Personally, I think that if you have the child 50% of the time, then you should be able to handle things financially in your household.  The ONLY thing that we split 50% are her bills.  Cheerleading, high school tuition, braces, and whatever else that falls under that category.  I bought DD16 her car and ex pays her insurance. 

Quoting Numama72:

 

I envy that....absolutely how it should be! If a court awards 50% custody to someone, they should be able to afford to take care of their kid(s) for that amount of time....with no cs! we have 50/50 and pay nearly $600/mo to the bm who chooses to be lazy about finding work, lives with her bf who helps her, she collects assistance...AND makes money on the side doing hair....makes no sense to me....

Quoting pepper504:

Ex and I have 50/50 with no CS awarded.  We split everything 50/50. 

Quoting Birdseed:

 

Having 40% of overnights is not "so little"--it's a lot more than most NCPs have.  Lots of people even in a 50/50 pay CS.  We always did.  It's not just about time, it's also about finances.  

Quoting faerie75:

Fuck no. I wouldn't be cool w paying her greedy ass when she has so little custody.

 

 


 

 



 

3sillykids
by Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:10 AM

We are also CP of DH's kids. We have them about 75% of the time, and My DH has to pay CS to his ex, and it is as some other posters stated. Not because of who has the kids the most, but because of a financial difference between the houses. It seems ridiculous to me, but at this point there isn't much that can be done about it.

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