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When SK's strike out... literally

Posted by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:28 PM
  • 19 Replies

I will try and make this short. SD9 has started "abusing" BM. SD9 has decided that getting up early for school isn't on her agenda, so when the alarm goes off, she stays in bed. If BM comes in, trys to wake her, she yells, throws stuff at her, or hits/tries to hit her if she is close enough. BM does nothing, except call DH, who then goes over and disciplines SD9, its better for a few days, repeat whole thing. This happens after school as well, BM has taken to letting SD go to bed whenever, wherever, b/c she strikes out, etc. When it happens in the afternoons, DH is at work, so BM calls ME to come deal with SD!! Up til now, I have not gone, feeling it isn't something I need to participate in. No matter what is said, BM is still trying to make this my problem. We collectively, are at a loss as what to do. BM refuses to get SD counseling, while DH thinks SD might do better here. BM thinks so too, BUT refuses to try it unless the CO and CS stay the same. DH isn't concerned about the CS, but wants the CO to change if SD moves here as BM has pulled crap in the past.

Part of the reason BM wants SD to come here is a convo BM had with SD. BM had asked SD if she has ever tried to hit me, and SD said NO, not in a million yrs. SD happened to be here the one and only time DD had ever hit me, and I handed MY child her behind. SD told BM that's why she wouldn't hit me, b/c "(my name) means business or else." I would never do to SD what I did to DD, b/c she's SD NOT DD. We are just not sure what to do, b/c BM refuses to have some guts, but comes to us with the issue!

Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:34 PM

changing custody when a child has behavioral issues is not usually a good idea, and does not usually fix the issues.


caligirl7613
by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:36 PM
She is going to be dealing with a nightmare by the time that kid is 14. The kid will be running the household not the BM. Next time BM calls you to come deal with SD cting like this, go over there, hand BM a belt or switch and tell her to handle her child.
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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe DH could find a parenting class that he and BM could attend together to find some additional tools to deal with this situation.

I have to wonder if BM is actually perpetuating this situation (subconsciously) out of some desire to keep a connection with DH and you?  BM in my sitch did similar things for awhile. I think at the time, she was feeling pretty insecure and while I don't think she actively thought "hey, I want to stay in my ex's life so I'm going to flip out over stupid stuff and call him to come deal"--but that's precisely what was happening.


SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

IMO DH should quit fixing BMs problem. He is only enabling her to ignore the issue and pass the buck to someone else.

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 6:57 PM

DH would have to drag BM kicking and screaming to any class, or get it CO'd, she would NOT go.

 I, on the other hand, was already leaning to BM embellishing what was going on. SD is VERY obvious when she lies, and I mean VERY. She sticks to she hasn't ever hit BM, though admits to yelling and throwing stuff at her. All I really know is I feel it isn't my place to get into this, and that if that were MY child, her ass would be on fire for a week if she ever hit me or threw something at me.

Quoting Birdseed:

Maybe DH could find a parenting class that he and BM could attend together to find some additional tools to deal with this situation.

I have to wonder if BM is actually perpetuating this situation (subconsciously) out of some desire to keep a connection with DH and you?  BM in my sitch did similar things for awhile. I think at the time, she was feeling pretty insecure and while I don't think she actively thought "hey, I want to stay in my ex's life so I'm going to flip out over stupid stuff and call him to come deal"--but that's precisely what was happening.



Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


jules2boys
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:01 PM

THIS! 

And I'm not sure SD needs the counseling, but I'm thinking BM needs a parenting class or some counseling to figure out where her backbone went.... 

BF needs to STOP rescuing BM.  If discipline is fine in his home, he does NOT need to 'fix' it in BMs home. 

And, no way would I agree for SD to change homes/custody and keep CS the same too. 

Perhaps BF needs to point out to BM that IF she doesn't change custody OR change her attitude and find her backbone where her DD is concerned, eventually CPS could be involved and then she'd love SD all together, to juvenile hall perhaps, as the abuse she's facing from her DD could put DD away for a bit (even if the abuse only happens at BMs home).  Though, SD should be told this too....

Quoting SassyMom25:

IMO DH should quit fixing BMs problem. He is only enabling her to ignore the issue and pass the buck to someone else.



elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:06 PM

It doesn't happen here at all. DH will hand SD her behind. This is solely at BM's, and is only toward BM, but ONLY when SF isn't there as he is generally BM's muscle. WE have already explained that once she is 10, juvenile detention home are a real possibility, as 10 is the youngest they generally take them around here. SD will be 10 in April.

Quoting jules2boys:

THIS! 

And I'm not sure SD needs the counseling, but I'm thinking BM needs a parenting class or some counseling to figure out where her backbone went.... 

BF needs to STOP rescuing BM.  If discipline is fine in his home, he does NOT need to 'fix' it in BMs home. 

And, no way would I agree for SD to change homes/custody and keep CS the same too. 

Perhaps BF needs to point out to BM that IF she doesn't change custody OR change her attitude and find her backbone where her DD is concerned, eventually CPS could be involved and then she'd love SD all together, to juvenile hall perhaps, as the abuse she's facing from her DD could put DD away for a bit (even if the abuse only happens at BMs home).  Though, SD should be told this too....

Quoting SassyMom25:

IMO DH should quit fixing BMs problem. He is only enabling her to ignore the issue and pass the buck to someone else.




Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:21 PM

BM has told her children just like I told my daughter-if you wanna raise your hand to me-you better make sure I'm 6ft under!!

There is NO REASON for a 9yr to be doing this to her mother. BM needs to man up and handle her daughter! There needs to be redirection of some sort and DEFINITELY therapy

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:47 PM

And this is exactly why my DD will NEVER do this to me again. She did, once, and learned. I just don't get BM's "fear" of SD, she is even scrawny for her age, and BM is a good sized woman, yet is "scared" of SD!!

Quoting Tigress22304:

BM has told her children just like I told my daughter-if you wanna raise your hand to me-you better make sure I'm 6ft under!!

There is NO REASON for a 9yr to be doing this to her mother. BM needs to man up and handle her daughter! There needs to be redirection of some sort and DEFINITELY therapy


Ticker id: NomlLilypie - (ZEi4)


Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 9:52 PM


Quoting elisesmom922:

And this is exactly why my DD will NEVER do this to me again. She did, once, and learned. I just don't get BM's "fear" of SD, she is even scrawny for her age, and BM is a good sized woman, yet is "scared" of SD!!

Quoting Tigress22304:

BM has told her children just like I told my daughter-if you wanna raise your hand to me-you better make sure I'm 6ft under!!

There is NO REASON for a 9yr to be doing this to her mother. BM needs to man up and handle her daughter! There needs to be redirection of some sort and DEFINITELY therapy


one time (just once) I made the mistake of slapping my mother...i was 7 or 8 yrs old. The only thing I remember was her slapping me back and getting a severe lecture. Lesson learned.

I would never lay a hand on either stepkid however they both know there's a line you DO NOT CROSS and that is-you don't lay a hand on your parents!


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