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I grew up with Step Siblings but I never considered them "Step", they are my brothers. My husbands ex wife tells my two step sons (her children) that their half brother is not, nor never will be their brother. She verbally attacks my 1 year old son through text messages and emails. I've never treated her badly and I've always said I will never take her spot, she will ALWAYS be their Mom and I've made it clear that I'm not on her side and I'm not on my husbands side...I'm on the boys side. Yet she still continues to tell them to act like they don't see us when we are at school function and my 1, almost 2 year old doesn't understand why his brothers wont come see him. She have those boys so scared that they are afraid to come to our house. The first day is us showing them that things their Mom has told them are not 100% sure, 2nd day they are amazing. Running around, playing, cuddling, etc. then the 3rd day comes and they watch the clock like crazy because they know they will be going back to Mommy's house soon. How do handle the drama and hurt she is causing her own children and our family? Will she ever act civil towards us? How can a Mother verbally attack another child? I can't wait and I get so excited when the boys are coming for their weekends at our house but I hate the hurt that comes along with them.
by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 7:28 PM
Replies (81-83):
CLarson1987
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Thank you Chasinrainbows!!!


Quoting chasinrainbows:

Half siblings ARE siblings. It's an outright lie to tell a child otherwise.



Quoting Pero3:

I too would be interested what you consider "attacking".

Matter of fact is, people have different views and approaches. I never considered my stepbrother (with whom I have a very good relationship) my brother, and I have never considered my DD's stepsisters her sisters (and yes, I have communicated this to DD).

I hold this view for a very good reason .... though, as I said, that's a personal view and doesn't mean that everybody else has to hold it.

Your skids' BM doesn't consider your children her childrens siblings ... and, as a matter of fact, they aren't .. they are half-siblings. Now, the fact that you personally don't wish to differentiate between half and step and full doesn't mean she has to do the same.

Not only do I have personal experience of how difficult the "sissy here, sissy there" can make a child's life, but I read it on here all the time: SMs who are upset because their children are upset that "sissy" isn't always "home"/"sissy" can't be at their birthday party/"sissy" has got something from her mom that they didn't get/"sissy" has another grandparent they don't have etc. etc. etc.

Ultimately, it is entirely in your own hands what picture you "sell" your children ... if you sell them the "sissy here, sissy there approach", then you have to deal with the consequences if BM doesn't agree.

As for the school functions ... my DD's SM attended one so far ... and I wasn't present then. Again, this all depends on your own personal approach ... and mine has always been that SPs shouldn't attend, especially not the educational stuff. Whilst I wouldn't dream of telling DD to ignore BF/SM .. there always is another way to keep pain from your (step)children, which would be not to attend and let your husband go on his own.


ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:30 PM
1 mom liked this

AMEN! lol... while Im one who consideres my stepbrother and sister my siblings... a HALF sibling is absolutely a sibling. HELLO, THEY SHARE BLOOD! lol

Quoting chasinrainbows:

Half siblings ARE siblings. It's an outright lie to tell a child otherwise.

Quoting Pero3:

I too would be interested what you consider "attacking".

Matter of fact is, people have different views and approaches. I never considered my stepbrother (with whom I have a very good relationship) my brother, and I have never considered my DD's stepsisters her sisters (and yes, I have communicated this to DD).

I hold this view for a very good reason .... though, as I said, that's a personal view and doesn't mean that everybody else has to hold it.

Your skids' BM doesn't consider your children her childrens siblings ... and, as a matter of fact, they aren't .. they are half-siblings. Now, the fact that you personally don't wish to differentiate between half and step and full doesn't mean she has to do the same.

Not only do I have personal experience of how difficult the "sissy here, sissy there" can make a child's life, but I read it on here all the time: SMs who are upset because their children are upset that "sissy" isn't always "home"/"sissy" can't be at their birthday party/"sissy" has got something from her mom that they didn't get/"sissy" has another grandparent they don't have etc. etc. etc.

Ultimately, it is entirely in your own hands what picture you "sell" your children ... if you sell them the "sissy here, sissy there approach", then you have to deal with the consequences if BM doesn't agree.

As for the school functions ... my DD's SM attended one so far ... and I wasn't present then. Again, this all depends on your own personal approach ... and mine has always been that SPs shouldn't attend, especially not the educational stuff. Whilst I wouldn't dream of telling DD to ignore BF/SM .. there always is another way to keep pain from your (step)children, which would be not to attend and let your husband go on his own.


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ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:33 PM

It's not a lie to tell them it's your half sibling....however I believe this BM is telling them he's not their sibling at all...in which case that would be a lie.

Quoting Pero3:

So why is it a lie to tell a child "this is not your sibling, it is your half-sibling"? What is incorrect about this statement? 


Quoting chasinrainbows:

Half siblings ARE siblings. It's an outright lie to tell a child otherwise.




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