How long did it take your stepkids to warm up to you?
I am a childless stepmom, married 1 year, together for 2. Skids 14, 13, and 9.
The first 6 months of living with DH, I went all out making efforts with the kids. Taking them places, "bonding" with them through various ways to show them I was trustworthy and only wanted to make their lives better, showing them I had no intention of taking their dad from them. I really wanted to have some kind of relationship with them.
It obviously was never my intent to be a mom-figure to them, because I don't think of them that way, and I'm not their mom. More like a friend kind of thing. And I figured since I'm a nice person, what would be the opposition to accepting me as a new member of the family?
After a year, I'm beaten down. The youngest is cool with me. She seems to be the only one who seems to realize that accepting another woman in the household (as dad's wife) does not equate to "mom replacement". But the older two, while nice enough to my face, have had continuous problems.
They don't talk to me or acknowledge me in my home. I feel nonexistent in my home. I've reached the point of disengagement with them where I try to not let it bother me so much, and I no longer reach out to them the way I used to, but it still hurts to feel so insignificant. I don't feel like a part of the family. I feel like a stranger living with a bunch of strangers.
I know I'm new to this situation, and the ages of the skids make it harder, but does it get better? Or should I just accept that I'm never going to have any kind of relationship with these people? It makes me sad to think that may be the case.