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Time to meet the little ones?

Posted by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:50 AM
  • 22 Replies

I am here to see if any is currently in my situation or has been in the past. Any thougths and advice is appreciated. 

Here is a little back history. 

My current SO and I were high school sweethearts and then split after high school in 2006. He then was with BM ever since then and stayed because they had two little boys. My SO hunted me down on FB in 2010 and had been trying to get ahold of me ever since then. Then in 2012 we met up and got back together. We have been together since 2/12 and offically since 4/25/12. We have been living together as "nearly-weds" since 6/12. We split rent,bills, groceries, household chores, animal duties, etc. 

Despite how long we have been together I have not met his two little boys, 5 & 6 years old. It has been over a year now. According to my SO, BM never ask questions about anything to do with his life. She lives with the boys at her parents house 40 minutes acorss town away from us. There is no set schedule for him to see his children. It varies every week and he only sees them when she works nights and she needs a sitter. That is only a few times during the week and lasts only up tile about 8/830pm. A little over a month ago my SO told me he is not ready for his children to HATE him because "Daddy" isn't with "Mommy". Even though he has told me before that the boys know and understand that they are not together. Then he said he is afraid of what BM will do when she finds out her children will be around another woman. This is just the basics of the situation. I am more than happy to answer any other questions that could help. 

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Some information would be nice.


How long have you been dating the father? Are you discussing marriage? How long has the father been divorced/separated for the mother? How old are the kids? How many ‘little ones’ are there? Has the father introduced any previous girlfriends to them?

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:04 AM

They were never married. He only dated her after me from high school. They had never split up before or anything. So the boys only know about Mommy. 

HIm and I have not discussed marriage but he didn't with her either. We have discussed moving again to a bigger place to accomodate for the boys though. Despite that I haven't met them he talks about a bigger place. We have been together since 4/25/12.

by Ruby Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:08 AM

dont rush-dh and I dated for nearly 2yrs before I met sd12.

i didnt meet bm until about 1.5yrs after dating.

it'll happen when its time :)

And kids at that age-its not hard to explain that dad's got a new girlfriend and you're it. they need to understand that mom and daddy made them out of love-and even though mom and dad cant be together-doesnt mean dad doesnt love them any less.

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Thank you! I just need to know there are other people out there like me because he makes it so hard to just talk about it. I have no one to vent to or understand, that's why I am here. I don't tell him a certain date or anything. I just don't want to be played a fool. I mean he is home every night. He calls and checks in when he is with the boys watching them at a family memebers home when he sits them. He doesn't lock his phone. I know what she looks like, where she works and what she drives. 

I just want to make it easier for my SO. I want him to be able to come home with the boys, eat dinner, watch a movie until she gets off work. I want to be apart of the biggest part of his life. I want him to be able to see his kids more often. 

by Bronze Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:16 AM

You say they were never married.  

Is he legally established as the father of the two boys?  Does he pay child support?  Are you sure BM knows that they "aren't together" anymore?  (I'm serious about this one.  Lots of guys have been known to tell one woman that he just "needs some space" and that they are working on things while telling another woman that he's only still seeing the first woman "because of the kids".)  

If he thinks BM may freak, he needs to get custody, visitation, and child support squared away with the courts first, BEFORE you meet the kids.  

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Exactly what you just said has been one of my fears. It just doesn't seem to make sense though cause all of his family knows that we are together.  He has his brother come over and hang out with us all the time. Her family knows they're not together. 

There are no courts involved. When he broke it off with her he said it went so well that they just established their on rules and it has been working ever since. He pays the same amount of money each week in a money order to her. I have seen the recipts. 

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:25 AM

And yes, he is the father with no doubt. They look like them both and he did sign the paternity affidavit.

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:28 AM

He is the one who after all teh years we didn't talk, he took the time since 2010 to make an Fb account to find me. He added me and tried talking to be every now and then but I thought nothing of it since I knew he was with her. Finally after we were together, he told me he had been stalking me on FB for years to get back together with me. 

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 11:47 AM
When did he & BM split?
by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 12:00 PM

They mutally ended the relationship April last year. 

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