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A little off topic... stepmom friends

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:35 PM
  • 25 Replies

I have been wrestling with a situation with a former 17 year long best friend and would love some feedback. 

I will give you a short description of what happened..lol...After 17 years of friendship I moved back to my home state (where my bestie lived) and we were all so excited! Within a week my family was all set to spend the weekend at her home...what I forgot about was not knowing anyone in our new town and having to bring a small dog with me. This made the friend very nervous and the weekend was cancelled without any worries from myself. A battle ensued when I didn't call her for a few days...I wasn't mad, just busy moving and with my children. I apologized repeatedly, but to no avail.

At that point I thought we had just grown apart, our personalities were very different than 10 years before, so I assumed the friendship was over without a resolution in sight. We haven't spoken in a year. 

Then a couple weeks ago I received a 3 page typed, and bulleted, letter from the former friend (who is now 8-months pregnant). The letter insists that I sit down and speak with her on 7 points of disagreement she has with me, the letter also claims private things about my marriage, and twisted stories. 

I plan on just ignoring this letter for two reasons: 1) She is pregnant and any stress is not good, 2) I've really dealt with this in my mind and have moved on. I feel like the season for the friendship has passed. 

What do you think? Thanks!

by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 1:41 PM

 if she intends on making a mountain out of your personal business, i would prob call her and address it. hear her out. then say ok is it squashed now? then go about my life. at least she got her minute to vent.

DDDaysh
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 2:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Um...  I would probably call her husband and ask if she's ok.  Is it possible that pregnancy hormones have gone to her brain?  

That type of behavior is seriuosly abnormal.  

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 2:54 PM

Your 17-year friendship ended over a small dog?  For real?

I don't know.  Your friendship was important enough to her to confront you with a 3-page letter and make an attempt at either reconciliation or closure after a year of no contact.  It was important enough to you to write her off over a pet.

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:22 PM
I love to argue so I would probably meet with her and discuss. Lol. But that's just me. If you don't want to save the friendship, then I would suggest politely answering her and letting her know that you simply aren't interested. Ignoring her will only make her obsess about the situation more. It seems like she is looking for closure.
lovingflamama
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:35 PM

It sounds crazy right?! I didn't write her off for a minute, I apologized more than once for not calling her in a couple days....the letter is what concerns me now. It's not normal. 


Quoting Derdriu:

Your 17-year friendship ended over a small dog?  For real?

I don't know.  Your friendship was important enough to her to confront you with a 3-page letter and make an attempt at either reconciliation or closure after a year of no contact.  It was important enough to you to write her off over a pet.



lovingflamama
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:38 PM

haha! I guess that is what I should do. I feel like pregnancy is such a special time and I don't want to be a source of stress at the end. That is my main concern. I guess closure is the right thing. She is one of those people that needs that, over the years I told her more than once that sometimes we don't get closure. 


Quoting KnowItAll:

I love to argue so I would probably meet with her and discuss. Lol. But that's just me. If you don't want to save the friendship, then I would suggest politely answering her and letting her know that you simply aren't interested. Ignoring her will only make her obsess about the situation more. It seems like she is looking for closure.



lovingflamama
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:40 PM

I agree, that's why I don't think she is in a good place to talk or make closure of this. 


Quoting DDDaysh:

Um...  I would probably call her husband and ask if she's ok.  Is it possible that pregnancy hormones have gone to her brain?  

That type of behavior is seriuosly abnormal.  



KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:45 PM
If you want her to leave you alone, give her the closure. Do you have any reason to deny her? If you truly are worried about her health and her pregnancy, then denying her closure is going to be more stressful to her.

Quoting lovingflamama:

haha! I guess that is what I should do. I feel like pregnancy is such a special time and I don't want to be a source of stress at the end. That is my main concern. I guess closure is the right thing. She is one of those people that needs that, over the years I told her more than once that sometimes we don't get closure. 



Quoting KnowItAll:

I love to argue so I would probably meet with her and discuss. Lol. But that's just me. If you don't want to save the friendship, then I would suggest politely answering her and letting her know that you simply aren't interested. Ignoring her will only make her obsess about the situation more. It seems like she is looking for closure.




jules2boys
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 4:34 PM
2 moms liked this

I enjoy arguing at times and I'd want to know WTF was really going on (curiosity hasn't killed me yet! LOL) so I'd probably agree to meet her.  OR did she ask for a letter back?  I'd let her vent, get it all out, then I'd simply tell her that I was never angry over teh weekend that was cancelled, I WAS, in fact, still moving in AND I was raising kids, which tend to keep one busy without a move involved.  It is possible the friendship is over, but perhaps, esp. if this is her first child, she's truly just clueless about what it takes to keep moving forward sometimes while you have kids. ;)  Other things, even old friendships, get put on the backburner sometimes.  If they're true friends, they'll wait it out. 

I have one friend I've known over 30 years.  We have gone years (4  or 5) between speaking to each other (neither is mad, just life happening) and then we get together and it's like we just spoke this morning.  Another friend I've known for 20 years.  She and I are the same way. When we met, her DD was in HS and i wasn't married yet.  We've lived through her DD graduating, going to 1 college then another, me marrying and having 2 kids then divorcing, her DD marrying, having 2 kids, and moving to the other coast. Her marrying (a fantastic man this time) and her losing her mother and now full-time care giver for her ailing father.  Yet, through it all, we've maintained our friendship and it's even grown.  Then, during the same time frame, I've had other friends who came and went, because those, for whatever reason, weren't meant to last.  They weren't built on anyting any stronger or weaker than the 2 I mentioned above that have lasted, but the people involved are different.  :)  I don't wish any of my former friends ill, we never 'fought', we just outgrew each other faste I suppose.  :) 

pinkieb1
by Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 She stated she apologized repeatedly, so it was the friend who wrote her off.

Quoting Derdriu:

Your 17-year friendship ended over a small dog?  For real?

I don't know.  Your friendship was important enough to her to confront you with a 3-page letter and make an attempt at either reconciliation or closure after a year of no contact.  It was important enough to you to write her off over a pet.


 

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