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Teens and jobs.

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM
  • 60 Replies

Do you feel that it is reasonable to encourage and/or expect a teen kiddo to have a PT job or babysit/mow lawns, etc?

What if they are involved in sports or other EC's throughout the year?  Or aren't?

What if they want a car?

What if they want to do a special school trip?

Does it change your opinion based on whether or not Mom and Dad can afford to pay for these things?

Both DH and I worked throughout HS and college while also being involved in sports and other school activities.  DH and I have both encouraged the kids to try to work a bit and earn a some money for themeselves. 

This has been met with a lot of resistance from BM.  Her family is/was quite wealthy and she was never expected to pay for anything on her own. Perhaps that's one reason why, until recently, she'd not kept a job for more than a few months at a time in 20 years....I dunno.

I got an email yesterday from BM talking about SD15, nearly 16 and driving, wanting a car, etc... SD14's band trip, kids wanting new clothes, etc and my honest first thought was "What are they planning to do to help make it happen?" I really believe that having a PT job or doing things to earn your own money as a teen to cover the things you want to do/have is quite reasonable.  BM would prefer that things just be paid for...by us of course.

I have no doubt that my DH would pay for everything if he could, even though he would prefer that they learn some work ethic and have a job.  But he can't afford it.  This email from BM was actually in response to an email I sent letting her know that with the gov't shutdown, things are going to be tight and we don't know what's going to happen w/ CS since it comes out of his paycheck that may/may not come--but that we'll try to get it all sorted out to avoid impacting her and the kids. 

But seriously...is it totally unreasonable to expect a couple of kids who are home after school everyday, no sports, no EC's now...to think about earning a little money of their own for the things they want?

I'm not talking about paying for the basics.  I'm talking about the extras.  It's difficult for me to understand why a HS aged kid shouldn't be expected to pay for things above and beyond because I had to do that plus the basics.  So I realize that I'm an odd duck.  My dad was a douche canoe and wouldn't do anything beyond CS and my mom simply could not pay for our extra stuff.  If we wanted to do extra stuff, we had to find a way.

But that was me, not my SDs so I'm truly trying to see the other side of this argument.  

I don't think there's anything wrong with a kid working a little.  But BM is ADAMANTLY against that idea.



by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
juno1
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:08 PM

No there isn't anything wrong with a teen working a bit as long as it doesn't interfere with school, in my opinion.  Also, as a bit of ammunition (for BM), it does help with the 'ole college resume.  By the same token, neither of my kids work.  That is because my eldest was doing an internship with a lab working in stem cell research..and so that experience trumped getting a paid job.  My youngest, 16, is in all honors classes and plays rugby which, here in SoCal, is pretty much an all year sport. So, this kid has practically no down time.  That being said, if this wasn;t the case with either of mine I would encourage a part time job.  Gives them autonomy and real world experience...  

Why, btw, is BM so adamantly against it?

mom7834
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:11 PM

I see no reason why a high schooler who wants a car, trips, extra's to work for them.

I think it teaches responsibility.  I don't believe in just handing kids extra's.  DD (11) does chores to earn money.

and when she is in high school she will be expected to get a part time job. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:12 PM

None of my kids had jobs at 15.  But there was never any talk about wanting a car.


KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:15 PM
Times have changed. The job market has changed. Based on my own situation, I can't imagine my DDs having a whole lot of extra time to work, much less finding a job that will allow them to work the few hours they would be able to. I'd rather they focus on school and EC's. They get money for birthdays and an allowance (when they earn it). They can use that money for extras.

I don't think school trips are something they should have to pay for. Just my opinion. I think of an extra as being something like a hundred dollar pair of jeans.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:20 PM

 well, my reply to your BM would be to quit coming at me with her hand out, but i digress.

i didnt work in hs. i dont expect my kids to either. but i dont gift them cars. if i had a hoopty around maybe id let them drive it once licensed, but i dont and i cant afford to buy one. so, for my teens, the patamobile, bike, or VTA it is. when they get out of hs and get a job they can look into a car and i will help if i can.

my oldest is now in community college, i have been putting the lean on him finding a PT job, to kick in a little for groceries and to save and to pay for shit he wants.

my ds15 is in varsity football and honestly leaves for school at 7 am and doesnt come home until 8 pm or later so i dont expect him to work until after hs.

SO worked in hs. i think hed encourage the skids, once teens, to work if they werent in sports but if they are in sports, i think hed support that first.

 
        
         

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:27 PM



Quoting KnowItAll:

Times have changed. The job market has changed. Based on my own situation, I can't imagine my DDs having a whole lot of extra time to work, much less finding a job that will allow them to work the few hours they would be able to. I'd rather they focus on school and EC's. They get money for birthdays and an allowance (when they earn it). They can use that money for extras.

I don't think school trips are something they should have to pay for. Just my opinion. I
think of an extra as being something like a hundred dollar pair of jeans.


yeah, that was on BM's list too--more clothes, they want some new skinny jeans.  But here's the thing...neither of their parents can afford to pay for the stuff.  Neither one.  And I'm no longer in a position to help out much.  So to me, it's a deal where if you really want it, work for it.  I don't see an issue with that concept.

Both of my SDs could (for example) babysit on a regular basis--even just for SIL, it could keep them busy most weekend if they wanted to. SD14 did quite a bit when she was here but SD 15 is totally uninterested in that. Fine.  SD15 seems to want most of the stuff that is $$$$ but has no desire to work for it.  At all.  She's a great kid, don't get me wrong. But they are both so used to the idea that stuff just magically happens, money just appears.  And it can't really BE that way right now.

Like I said though, I come from a situation where if it was anything beyond just going to school, I had to find a way to pay for it.  I don't want that for the kids, but I also kind of wish that BM was more open and encouraging of them doing SOMEthing to earn a little money.

Small community, lots of opportunities....but not something BM is hip to at all.  What I'm afraid of is that BM is going to insist that the PARENTS will provide for all and then the kids are going to get truly shorted because there just isn't a money tree to shake down at this point.  No paychecks coming in here, for example.

Further, and probably not the norm, but my HS/College job at the vet clinic was what opened the doors for me to so many other opportunities.  The reason I ended up in my career in technology was because of a client I met at the clinic in HS...who I babysat and house sat and pet sitted for.  And now?  After having to leave my career to support DH, that experience is what made me marketable and hireable in my current job.  I really feel like my HS job has done a LOT for me!  I wish they could get some of that experience and benefit.  

Not my call, not gonna say a word about it.  Just wanted to discuss.  I kind of think it's a shame not to encourage kids to try to get out there and let them learn how to be good employees when the stakes are low.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:30 PM

 are you really surprised that BM wants everything handed to them, though? she expects everything handed to her. she expects to let your SO and YOU support the kids AND her. she expects to get little jobby jobs she likes for just her while your SO foots the bill 100% for the kids, as if they arent her responsibility as well. consider the source.

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:34 PM
I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell them no. I tell mine no all the time. It's important for them to be told no and to learn to live without. Whether or not you should encourage them to get a job is up to you. A
job just wouldn't work in my sitch.


Quoting Birdseed:




Quoting KnowItAll:

Times have changed. The job market has changed. Based on my own situation, I can't imagine my DDs having a whole lot of extra time to work, much less finding a job that will allow them to work the few hours they would be able to. I'd rather they focus on school and EC's. They get money for birthdays and an allowance (when they earn it). They can use that money for extras.



I don't think school trips are something they should have to pay for. Just my opinion. I
think of an extra as being something like a hundred dollar pair of jeans.



yeah, that was on BM's list too--more clothes, they want some new skinny jeans.  But here's the thing...neither of their parents can afford to pay for the stuff.  Neither one.  And I'm no longer in a position to help out much.  So to me, it's a deal where if you really want it, work for it.  I don't see an issue with that concept.

Both of my SDs could (for example) babysit on a regular basis--even just for SIL, it could keep them busy most weekend if they wanted to. SD14 did quite a bit when she was here but SD 15 is totally uninterested in that. Fine.  SD15 seems to want most of the stuff that is $$$$ but has no desire to work for it.  At all.  She's a great kid, don't get me wrong. But they are both so used to the idea that stuff just magically happens, money just appears.  And it can't really BE that way right now.

Like I said though, I come from a situation where if it was anything beyond just going to school, I had to find a way to pay for it.  I don't want that for the kids, but I also kind of wish that BM was more open and encouraging of them doing SOMEthing to earn a little money.

Small community, lots of opportunities....but not something BM is hip to at all.  What I'm afraid of is that BM is going to insist that the PARENTS will provide for all and then the kids are going to get truly shorted because there just isn't a money tree to shake down at this point.  No paychecks coming in here, for example.

Further, and probably not the norm, but my HS/College job at the vet clinic was what opened the doors for me to so many other opportunities.  The reason I ended up in my career in technology was because of a client I met at the clinic in HS...who I babysat and house sat and pet sitted for.  And now?  After having to leave my career to support DH, that experience is what made me marketable and hireable in my current job.  I really feel like my HS job has done a LOT for me!  I wish they could get some of that experience and benefit.  

Not my call, not gonna say a word about it.  Just wanted to discuss.  I kind of think it's a shame not to encourage kids to try to get out there and let them learn how to be good employees when the stakes are low.

Wicked.Jester
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:36 PM

All my teens get some sort of employment at 16.  Period.

I am on #3 now who just turned 16 on Monday and we are going a-hunting this weekend.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 3:40 PM



Quoting faerie75:

 are you really surprised that BM wants everything handed to them, though? she expects everything handed to her. she expects to let your SO and YOU support the kids AND her. she expects to get little jobby jobs she likes for just her while your SO foots the bill 100% for the kids, as if they arent her responsibility as well. consider the source.


No, I'm not surprised...but I know that she's not the only parent out there who really doesn't like the idea of her kids working.  So I'd like to understand a bit more from those who feel similiarly.

In an ideal world, I can understand why a parent wouldn't want to have their child NEED to work--like I did for example. I don't want that either.  But I really do think that there are some great life lessons that one has to learn from someone other than mom or dad when it comes to the work place. 

Seeing some of the "kids" I work with now and their general idea about work ethic...I mean, just showing UP can be hard for them...I think it's better to learn some of that early on when you don't have to make sure you can pay rent. KWIM?

I see benefits outside of financial to having kids work in some regard.  Learning to take direction, having a sense of responsibility, making priorities. 

I just feel like I'm coming at it from a really different viewpoint because we were financially challenged and had I not been working a "real" job from the time I was about 14, I wouldn't have been able to participate in much and we probably wouldn't have had a roof over our heads.  I'm the extreme, obviously.  Paying mortgages, car payments, utilities...forget fancy jeans!  So I am totally biased in a different way.  I don't WANT that for my SDs, but I know what is possible and if they really wanted to do X, Y and Z, they could if they knew it was up to them and they were willing to work for it.  Does that make sense?

I'd like it if we could do for them and give them all of the things they want.  But WTH do you do when there just isn't money and they could easily help out but don't or BM refuses to let them.  SD14 had quite a little babysitting business going this summer--complete with a website.  She LIKES doing it but it's not supported at BMs.  

Instead, she (SD14) sits at home for hours after school everyday doing virtually nothing.  


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