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Am I being unreasonable ?

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:15 AM
  • 52 Replies

So I have DD12 and DS10 full time. They don't see BF at all. Then I have SD14 that visits every other weekend so only twice a month.

We live in a 3 bedroom house so the 2 girls have to share a room. We have bunk beds set up for now to give a little more space. They each have a dresser of their own and share the closet. My DD has the top bunk and now wants to split them so hers can be on the floor. It is doable but I would have to get rid of SD's dresser. She really doesn't have much clothes in it anyways.  My original thought was take the dresser out and place it in my hallway to my bedroom and have her get her stuff from there but decided to think of a better solution knowing that DH would be upset at this. So my suggestion was to take SD's clothes from the dresser and place them in the closet, she has shelves on her side of the closet that they would fit on. I suggest this to DH and he is livid, he says that it is SD's room as well. I do understand that but she is only there every other weekend and has little to hardly any stuff at my house.

Am I really being a jerk about this and should just make my daughter keep it the way it is when she is the one that is there full time ?

Any of you go through this and what did you do ? Suggestions ?

 

by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
minimoo
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Can they maybe switch beds so dd is on the bottom and sd is on the top?
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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It will probably make her feel like crap seeing as the one thing she does have there to keep her things in is being taken away for your daughter to get what she wants.  She needs to feel at home when she is there shes not a visitor shes your hubbys daughter as yours are to you.  As he said it is still her room too even if she is  not there full time.  I think it would be a good idea that when she come if you ask her if she wouldnt mind moving her stuff to the closet for DD an go from there.  

Edit:  And since SD is 14 she may be all for the seperation of beds.  You can always let the girls decide on a weekend she is there to re arrange thier room together.  Do you DD and SD get along well?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:23 AM
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how about taking out the dresser, and giving SD a drawer in your Dd's dresser. DD can keep some of her low-use clothes out in the dresser in the hallway or in the closet on shelves.

DesertFlower197
by Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I was going to suggest they switch beds as well.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:29 AM

I can see both sides of the coin here.

When my mom was dating her now ex, he had his daughter come for the summer.  She and I had to share a room.  I didn't think it was fair that I lived there full time, it was "my" room and I couldn't set it up the way I wanted because of this kid.  So I can understand that given SD only visits 4 days a month, it might be frustrating for your DD to not be able to set the room up as she wishes.

That said, I can also imagine how it would feel for SD to show up and have her clothes moved--if it were her idea, it would probably be no big deal.  But to just have her stuff moved out of the room or relegated to a little space in the closet might feel pretty crappy.

AND, as a kid who had to share a room with a sibling for awhile once my youngest brother was born, I know how annoying THAT can feel too--oh, new baby means I get kicked out of my room.  Awesome fodder for some baby resentment!

So...my suggestion would be to A) consider swapping bunks.  If DD wants to sleep on the bottom and is there all the time whilst SD is there 4 days...switch the bunks they sleep on.  -OR- B) get the girls together and let them redo their room--TOGETHER.   It could be fun.  Repaint, let them decide how they want the beds, what furniture they want to keep or move, whatever.  

Ultimately, I don't think it would be a good idea to move SD's stuff.  I think there are other options that would accommodate everyone without making anyone feel like they're getting the short end of the stick.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:30 AM

Why dont you ask her if she would mind? If she says yes then leave the dresser.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:32 AM


Quoting minimoo:

Can they maybe switch beds so dd is on the bottom and sd is on the top?

That is my initial thought as well. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:32 AM
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LET THEM DECIDE TOGETHER.  NEXT TIME SD IS THERE, HAVE A FAMILY MEETING AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO REARAANGE THE ROOM.

Sorry about all cap.  I am not yelling.  Just a bad typist who can't look at the screen and type at the same time.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:35 AM

I would be livid also if DH switched up the girls's room with his daughter when my daughter wasn't around.  You are being very insensitive to your SD if you do all this whle she is gone.

akm378mn
by Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:38 AM



Quoting soonergirl980:

Why dont you ask her if she would mind? If she says yes then leave the dresser.


And if she does mind and your dd still wants to separate the beds, maybe she can compromise and find another solution.... like dd's dresser would go in the hallway or something. 

Can you afford to buy dd a different bed?  What about one with drawers underneath it... then your dd could still have drawers for her clothes in the room, but get rid of the actual dresser and then sd still gets to keep hers.  And maybe dd can put some more of her own clothes in the closet? 

Just ideas... trying to come up with alternate solutions.  :-)


Currently we live in a 2 bedroom home... in the process of trying to move... but my ds and sd share a room.... they also have bunk beds... but the unit we got was a multi-purpose one.... it has a top bunk, a built in desk, dresser drawers, and a trundle bed.  My son sleeps on the trundle bed (he is only 2 & 1/2) and sd sleeps on top.  We have a separate dresser for ds and sd uses the drawers on the bed... (There are actually more drawers on the bed than in the dresser)  And they share the closet.  Not ideal, but what we have to work with...  Can't wait until we move and they have separate bedrooms!  :-)

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