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2 calls from 2 teachers in 1 day *Edited*

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 7:50 PM
  • 12 Replies
DH got 2 different calls from ss school today 1st ss is about to get a referral cuz he's been avoiding 4 racked up detentions has 10 missing assignments and now has an F in math so every time we have asked about homework he has lied to us and has blown off the teacher everytime she said to come back and see her at the end of the day. 2nd he's been telling his science teacher that he has headaches for the past 2 or 3 days and has basically been going ti the nurse office and effectively ditching science without getting caught( he uses headaches as a way to get out of trouble at home not sure if he's really loving them and needs a Dr or if he's faking it) effective punishment is out of dh's scope and I'm so angry I can't see straight need ideas please. Ss is 11yrs and in middle school.


*He is now grounded until he serves all his back detentions. And will be given various writing assignments from DH and I to take place if his free time while grounded. Also found that he may have stolen $45 from DH and I. Will be checking on that Monday to see if its just a mix up. Thankyou to those who were helpful in reminding me know that he is being a preteen and that he is not alone in this behavior.
by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 7:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jules2boys
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 8:10 PM

How is effective punishment out of DH's scope?  Is he NCP, EOWend BF?  If he's NCP, why did he receive the call?  How often is SS with BM? 

If he lives with you/BF, I'd have BF contact the teachers and work with them on ideas to get SS some help. Maybe he's being bullied in science?  Maybe he needs a tutor for math?  Maybe at 11 he doesn't know he can or should ask for help?  Maybe he feels dumb because he's not getting the help he needs?  Maybe he's allergic to something that IS causing him to have headaches during the day? (either in the science room or his class prior to that)  Maybe he doesn't get along with the teacher so he's avoiding him/her? 

There are a number of things that could be going on besides SS11 running things and lying about things.  Get to the root of the issue, if it's your place (if DH is CP or has his DS during the school week to have some influence on him during the week), and start from there.  Schools/teachers can be a wonderful asset as they see this behavior, for a variety of reasons (not just COD), each year.  And, if you're working with the teachers, then the accountability is there for everyone, and the punishments can be across the board (or the positive reinforcements if he'd respond better to that). 

Has anything new changed at BFs home or BMs home?  Has he lost a friend at school or in the neighborhood?  How is he with his other teachers/classes?  Is he an A student in those and he's failing math?  Was he always good at it before or it came naturally and now he's struggling? 

My boys are 11 and 15.

Sam1683
by Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 9:20 PM
He's knows better than to do this he is being a normal preteen he is in an extra help math class he can and has gotten better grades he is not trying or applying himself and I need suggestions on punishments or something that with get through to him. His BM died a while back and my husband just isn't good at figuring out punishments.


Quoting jules2boys:

How is effective punishment out of DH's scope?  Is he NCP, EOWend BF?  If he's NCP, why did he receive the call?  How often is SS with BM? 

If he lives with you/BF, I'd have BF contact the teachers and work with them on ideas to get SS some help. Maybe he's being bullied in science?  Maybe he needs a tutor for math?  Maybe at 11 he doesn't know he can or should ask for help?  Maybe he feels dumb because he's not getting the help he needs?  Maybe he's allergic to something that IS causing him to have headaches during the day? (either in the science room or his class prior to that)  Maybe he doesn't get along with the teacher so he's avoiding him/her? 

There are a number of things that could be going on besides SS11 running things and lying about things.  Get to the root of the issue, if it's your place (if DH is CP or has his DS during the school week to have some influence on him during the week), and start from there.  Schools/teachers can be a wonderful asset as they see this behavior, for a variety of reasons (not just COD), each year.  And, if you're working with the teachers, then the accountability is there for everyone, and the punishments can be across the board (or the positive reinforcements if he'd respond better to that). 

Has anything new changed at BFs home or BMs home?  Has he lost a friend at school or in the neighborhood?  How is he with his other teachers/classes?  Is he an A student in those and he's failing math?  Was he always good at it before or it came naturally and now he's struggling? 

My boys are 11 and 15.


OvertiredMommy
by Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Its his age group. We are going through it with my 12 yr old. He plays dh, his sf like a sap, until I get home from work, lieing about homework, faking being sick, you name it, dh has heard it. I had to get on him, the same as ur dh has to get on his son. Kids think if it comes from stepparents, they dont have to do it, then they start disrepecting teachers and other adults. I say let ur dh handle it.
amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 5, 2013 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this

We're going through it with my 12 year old as well.  Lying about having things done, not turning completed work in, taking for.ev.er to do one homework assignment.  It's definitely an age thing, pushing buttons thing.

Sam1683
by Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:09 PM
Again I just wanted ideas nothing else that was why I said I need some ideas. No big though my DH and I have already figured it out.


Quoting MojoRsn:

His mother is dead. Try not to be too mad. Makes you look very insensitive.


DDDaysh
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:54 AM

This goes way beyond "figuring out punishments".  The kid is only 11 and is clearly demonstrating that he isn't able to be as self sufficient as your DH wants him to be.  Some kids are mature enough to be trusted with their own HW without being checked up on, and some aren't.  Your SS clearly isn't.  

Does your school not have a website parents can log into to see grades?  A 6th grader should never get to 11 missing assignments without a parent being aware.  

Sam1683
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 11:58 AM
I know this DH doesn't want to believe ds isn't responsible. Now that the $45 got lost (I only believe this cuz I have seen no new toys & found no junk food wrappers in backpack) DH is starting to understand. The parent portal hasn't been set up yet we are waiting on the school for that. A lot of what he is doing is common preteen stuff but the school issues are not gonna fly he is smarter than that.


Quoting DDDaysh:

This goes way beyond "figuring out punishments".  The kid is only 11 and is clearly demonstrating that he isn't able to be as self sufficient as your DH wants him to be.  Some kids are mature enough to be trusted with their own HW without being checked up on, and some aren't.  Your SS clearly isn't.  

Does your school not have a website parents can log into to see grades?  A 6th grader should never get to 11 missing assignments without a parent being aware.  


grownsexy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:30 PM

He is not alone in his behavior I am expericing similar problems with my ds. If you come up with an effective punishment please share with me. I really want to kill this kid but its illegal He wont even stay after school to get help in a subject that he is failing. I like the grounded idea, are you going to take his tv, radio are whatever he enjoys out of the room as well?

Birdseed
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:36 PM

So let me get this straight...

1) The child's mother died.

2) He's having difficulty getting his homework done/turned in.

3) He's acting out/skipping classes.

It sounds to me like he needs counseling and DH needs some parenting classes.

Most kids don't inherently have great study skills or a sense of responsibility.  THey have to be taught and it takes repetition and commitment.  Further, you've got a child who has known issues in certain subjects and needs extra help. AND he is dealing with the loss of a parent and a change in living arrangements from what I can tell.

So he needs help. Not punishment.  But some structure to help him succeed.  Ya know, parents were able to learn about their child's assignments before the interwebs....all it takes is picking up a phone and working out a plan with the teacher.

It may be that he needs a planner--one that he can write assignments down in, have teacher sign, have Dad go over at night.  To me, it sounds like this kiddo needs some support-not punishment.


Sam1683
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 12:41 PM
Everything is gone in place of the time he would spend playing video games or with friends he is now gonna be doing writing assignments I started the writing work because DH thought it was ok for Ss to just sleep through grounding. Today Ss is gonna get extra math work I'm thinking long division. It takes a little work on my part and so far he is saying "I don't care" but I guess we will see how much he cares by the end of the week. Tomorrow I'm thinking and essay on respect or following directions, I'm not sure yet


Quoting grownsexy:

He is not alone in his behavior I am expericing similar problems with my ds. If you come up with an effective punishment please share with me. I really want to kill this kid but its illegal He wont even stay after school to get help in a subject that he is failing. I like the grounded idea, are you going to take his tv, radio are whatever he enjoys out of the room as well?


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