Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Please pray for me... GF/SM related

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 9:32 PM
  • 7 Replies

As you know I am BM (also CP). GF of almost 5 years & I have not had the best of relationships over the years (since finding out she was sleeping with my now ex & got pregnant by him). After much prayer & forgiveness I have finally been able to have civil converations with her- pretty much at drop off & pick up (I take them to & from their dad's apartment- she lives there too). 

Now here's where I need prayer. My 17yo DS has his final high school soccer game of his senior year (regular season- doesn't count tournaments) next Thursday. DS told me this past Tuesday that ex, GF, & their son showed up (I couldn't make it). So I text ex & asked if GF was going to be there. I said I don't care but I wanted to be prepared & not caught off guard. He text back & said they want to come & I said it's cool.

Here's my problem. My mom & dad are going too. They have supported DS finacially in soccer since he was 4yrs old. They have every right to be there & DS wants them there. DS also wants my ex to be there (even though ex is not his bio-father). My parents HATE my ex. I mean my mom's blood would boil if it could when she thinks about him! And of course, they hate GF as well just for her role in the divorce. 

I don't think I'm going to tell my parents the ex & GF will be there. Chances are my parents will leave at half time- they really only want to go to see the Senior recognition before the game. I know my kids would probably want to sit with their dad that night too (not an issue for me). But I'm sure my parents will want the kids to sit with them too! UGH such a diaster waiting to happen!!!


by on Oct. 4, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this
As long as your son is happy is what counts . Its only one game everyone can act like adults and put their feelings aside. I would give my parents a heads up and ask they keep things civil. Its about your son his senior game means the world to him and probably wants everyone he love just to see him. best of luck mama keep your head up
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:28 PM
My mom hates my ex. But I would tell my mom that if she doesn't keep her blood boiling under control then she won't be able to come. My parents are very actively involved. Dd and I lived with them after my divorce for 3 years. So they literally have never missed a single anything. They've been to more stuff than dad has been. But he is dad and he has a right to be there. I actually have told my mom this. She likes to go to court with me. In the beginning it was because I didn't have anyone else to go with me. I wanted someone to go along. Ex had now SM at all court hearings and I wanted someone to sit with and support me. But my mom has opened her mouth at inappropriate times and I've told her that she won't be able to come if she does that again. That's just my opinion. He is dad and has a right to be there. I understand the position you are in because I have the same situation. My parents have funded many of Dd's activities but if ever there was an ultimatum their help would no longer be accepted. And I've just had to let them know that over the years. There is a line that they as grandparents are not allowed to cross.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2013 at 11:41 PM

I agree- HE has a right to be there as former step-father who was really more of a dad to DS than his own dad (bio-dad never there). GF & their DS do not have a right to be there. BUT because I am okay with it then DS is okay with it (I think- they went to a game the other night & DS didn't know about it til after the game). I am debating on whether or not to actually tell my parents they will be there. I think if I do then my mother will be chomping at the bit all week. And if I don't she will say something nasty. 

I want the kids to sit with their dad during the game too. But the pre-game (senior recognition) I know my mom will think she is helping me by making the kids sit with her. Part of me wants to let them sit with GF just so she can get an idea of what it's like to handle 5 kids all by herself! HAHA 

Quoting momof2ex1:

My mom hates my ex. But I would tell my mom that if she doesn't keep her blood boiling under control then she won't be able to come. My parents are very actively involved. Dd and I lived with them after my divorce for 3 years. So they literally have never missed a single anything. They've been to more stuff than dad has been. But he is dad and he has a right to be there. I actually have told my mom this. She likes to go to court with me. In the beginning it was because I didn't have anyone else to go with me. I wanted someone to go along. Ex had now SM at all court hearings and I wanted someone to sit with and support me. But my mom has opened her mouth at inappropriate times and I've told her that she won't be able to come if she does that again. That's just my opinion. He is dad and has a right to be there. I understand the position you are in because I have the same situation. My parents have funded many of Dd's activities but if ever there was an ultimatum their help would no longer be accepted. And I've just had to let them know that over the years. There is a line that they as grandparents are not allowed to cross.


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 12:49 AM

We went through this recently with DS and a football game. My aunt (my mom's sister), my parents (mom and step-dad) and my in-laws all wanted to attend DS's football game. My BD and SM also wanted to attend. Things have never been decent between my mom and BD. They didn't even speak to each other when I graduated high school (12 years ago).

It went well though. We all kinda sat together with my BD and SM on one side of us and my parents, my aunt, and my in-laws on the other side. My SM was great, but you could tell that my BD was SUPER uncomfortable.

We let my parents and my aunt know that my BD and SM were coming, and to please, for the sake of the kids, keep things civil. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 12:52 AM
I think I completely misunderstood the dynamics of your family. If he isn't his father - then I guess I don't see what the problem is. It's a public event .. Is it a large stadium or are the chances grandma will see him pretty high?


Quoting CampClan:

I agree- HE has a right to be there as former step-father who was really more of a dad to DS than his own dad (bio-dad never there). GF & their DS do not have a right to be there. BUT because I am okay with it then DS is okay with it (I think- they went to a game the other night & DS didn't know about it til after the game). I am debating on whether or not to actually tell my parents they will be there. I think if I do then my mother will be chomping at the bit all week. And if I don't she will say something nasty. 

I want the kids to sit with their dad during the game too. But the pre-game (senior recognition) I know my mom will think she is helping me by making the kids sit with her. Part of me wants to let them sit with GF just so she can get an idea of what it's like to handle 5 kids all by herself! HAHA 

Quoting momof2ex1:

My mom hates my ex. But I would tell my mom that if she doesn't keep her blood boiling under control then she won't be able to come. My parents are very actively involved. Dd and I lived with them after my divorce for 3 years. So they literally have never missed a single anything. They've been to more stuff than dad has been. But he is dad and he has a right to be there. I actually have told my mom this. She likes to go to court with me. In the beginning it was because I didn't have anyone else to go with me. I wanted someone to go along. Ex had now SM at all court hearings and I wanted someone to sit with and support me. But my mom has opened her mouth at inappropriate times and I've told her that she won't be able to come if she does that again. That's just my opinion. He is dad and has a right to be there. I understand the position you are in because I have the same situation. My parents have funded many of Dd's activities but if ever there was an ultimatum their help would no longer be accepted. And I've just had to let them know that over the years. There is a line that they as grandparents are not allowed to cross.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 12:56 AM
No- small stadium for soccer... only one set of bleachers (visitors sit on same side as home team). So yes. Grandma will see the ex. And you're right about it being a public place. I just know my mom & how much the ex gets under her skin by just breathing.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I think I completely misunderstood the dynamics of your family. If he isn't his father - then I guess I don't see what the problem is. It's a public event .. Is it a large stadium or are the chances grandma will see him pretty high?




Quoting CampClan:

I agree- HE has a right to be there as former step-father who was really more of a dad to DS than his own dad (bio-dad never there). GF & their DS do not have a right to be there. BUT because I am okay with it then DS is okay with it (I think- they went to a game the other night & DS didn't know about it til after the game). I am debating on whether or not to actually tell my parents they will be there. I think if I do then my mother will be chomping at the bit all week. And if I don't she will say something nasty. 

I want the kids to sit with their dad during the game too. But the pre-game (senior recognition) I know my mom will think she is helping me by making the kids sit with her. Part of me wants to let them sit with GF just so she can get an idea of what it's like to handle 5 kids all by herself! HAHA 

Quoting momof2ex1:

My mom hates my ex. But I would tell my mom that if she doesn't keep her blood boiling under control then she won't be able to come. My parents are very actively involved. Dd and I lived with them after my divorce for 3 years. So they literally have never missed a single anything. They've been to more stuff than dad has been. But he is dad and he has a right to be there. I actually have told my mom this. She likes to go to court with me. In the beginning it was because I didn't have anyone else to go with me. I wanted someone to go along. Ex had now SM at all court hearings and I wanted someone to sit with and support me. But my mom has opened her mouth at inappropriate times and I've told her that she won't be able to come if she does that again. That's just my opinion. He is dad and has a right to be there. I understand the position you are in because I have the same situation. My parents have funded many of Dd's activities but if ever there was an ultimatum their help would no longer be accepted. And I've just had to let them know that over the years. There is a line that they as grandparents are not allowed to cross.



momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 1:02 AM
Yep sounds like my mom.


Quoting CampClan:

No- small stadium for soccer... only one set of bleachers (visitors sit on same side as home team). So yes. Grandma will see the ex. And you're right about it being a public place. I just know my mom & how much the ex gets under her skin by just breathing.



Quoting momof2ex1:

I think I completely misunderstood the dynamics of your family. If he isn't his father - then I guess I don't see what the problem is. It's a public event .. Is it a large stadium or are the chances grandma will see him pretty high?






Quoting CampClan:

I agree- HE has a right to be there as former step-father who was really more of a dad to DS than his own dad (bio-dad never there). GF & their DS do not have a right to be there. BUT because I am okay with it then DS is okay with it (I think- they went to a game the other night & DS didn't know about it til after the game). I am debating on whether or not to actually tell my parents they will be there. I think if I do then my mother will be chomping at the bit all week. And if I don't she will say something nasty. 

I want the kids to sit with their dad during the game too. But the pre-game (senior recognition) I know my mom will think she is helping me by making the kids sit with her. Part of me wants to let them sit with GF just so she can get an idea of what it's like to handle 5 kids all by herself! HAHA 

Quoting momof2ex1:

My mom hates my ex. But I would tell my mom that if she doesn't keep her blood boiling under control then she won't be able to come. My parents are very actively involved. Dd and I lived with them after my divorce for 3 years. So they literally have never missed a single anything. They've been to more stuff than dad has been. But he is dad and he has a right to be there. I actually have told my mom this. She likes to go to court with me. In the beginning it was because I didn't have anyone else to go with me. I wanted someone to go along. Ex had now SM at all court hearings and I wanted someone to sit with and support me. But my mom has opened her mouth at inappropriate times and I've told her that she won't be able to come if she does that again. That's just my opinion. He is dad and has a right to be there. I understand the position you are in because I have the same situation. My parents have funded many of Dd's activities but if ever there was an ultimatum their help would no longer be accepted. And I've just had to let them know that over the years. There is a line that they as grandparents are not allowed to cross.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)