This is very long: What should I do? I'm stuck, confused, and worried!
This past weekend was like no other. SD came to us underfed (it was 12:30-1p and she hadn't ate anything all day), clothed in stained and small clothing, pee stained underwear (she's 7 and her underwear was 4T...the ones we bought her 4 years ago), nails are always dirty and long....
WELL, she kept talking about how she didn't want to just stay the weekend with us she wanted to stay longer. We've been through this. We will talk to her mom about her request and then she is so scared of her mom that she says she didn't say that and that I (who barely talks to her...she discusses such things with her father not me...or she will come up and say random things like that to me with DH present).
THEN....the day she was to leave my oldest DS ran in the living room and told DH that SD handed my YDS (who is younger than SD) a toy sword and wanted him to shove it up his butt. She was serious. She wasn't cussing at him, she literally wanted YDS to put the toy up his butt. When questioned by DH, SD said she saw it on a movie at her moms house. I am still livid. I am protective of my children and love SD too. I want to protect them all. She is 7. It isn't her fault and I know this. But what do we do?
DH has had to talk (....we will say talk) about something he had walked in on while picking up his DD when she was 2 or 3. BM was not yet married to step dad but was dating him. Step dad and BM had porn mags EVERYWHERE, a bong on the coffee table, and beer bottles everywhere. She made up some excuse about the beer bottles being evidence for a case the step dad had against his x. Saying the x claimed step dad beat her so severely that she had liver damage and that the beer bottles had DNA on it proving that the x was an alcoholic and that is where her liver damage came from.... BS BS BS BM thinks everyone is as stupid as she is and that everyone will believe her many many many lies (they are truly never ending....she lies about religion, etc...petty things that no one would normally lie about...she does it just to lie). Anyhoos.... DH smashed the bong against the wall and told her if she didn't clean up and keep that crap away from his daughter that he would take her to court and take her away so she wouldn't have to live like that and be exposed to that.
Within the year I caught her crawl into bed with my oldest DS. She didn't think I could hear her. But I heard her walk into the room...thank God for hard wood floors. I caught her right when she did it. Luckily Oldest DS never woke up. It would have scared him so bad. She just laid there but I wouldn't put it past BM to have told her to do something like that. I found that odd and disturbing....she acted like she was asleep...I know the difference in a sleeping kid and one faking it. I made her get back in her bed...asked why she got in bed with him and she said she didn't. She lies a lot too. SMH.
This is not the first time SD has said some unbelievable, disturbing things to DH. She cried once spilling it all to DH about how her step dad beats her...she had the bruises to prove it...some in questionable places. She began wetting the bed....peeing in the middle of my hallway once in the late morning for no reason, crying uncontrollably, making herself throw up, not wanting to eat because she didn't "want to get fat...this all started at age 6. We told the lawyer everything, documented everything, but was told by the lawyer NOT to contact CPS, saying that is the last thing CPS wants in a custody battle and that they will see dh as being unfit and not looking out in SD's best interest.
Our lawyer said not to contact CPS, then said he was calling CPS, then told us to call CPS....then a mutual friend said to send pics to her next time with a neutral background and that she would call CPS.
We are so confused. After this I wanted to call CPS myself, to protect my children. This is all getting out of hand. BM only sees SD on Sat. mornings and Sundays, Step dad only watches SD on Monday nights, and the rest of the time SD is with another babysitter (she has had tons). DH wants her more (we use to keep her 2-3 weeks out of every month for three years...she did great then...no issues) However, BM took her away every end of August so that she would not have to share holidays. DH and BM were only in a 2 mo. relationship in high school and never married. There was no custody arrangement. She would take DH and we would always get her back in February....last year was the first yr. DH ever got SD on the holidays. That was because we took her to court and got an arrangement since she had taken her away the year prior, stating step dad was her "new dad" and that we would never see her again. DH had filed to pay child support when she was a baby BM wouldn't cooperate and CS closed the case. He is and always has been a great dad. BM's exact words were "if you don'tget back with me then you won't see your daughter"
I personally feel that we have a crappy ass lawyer. We have tried being nice for years. It looks awesome in court when the parties try to work together for the Best interest of the child...and that is what we want...we want what is best for SD. But things are getting and have been Nuts for the last two years. Enough is enough. The problem is...what do we do? Will CPS do anything? Are our complaints legit? I'm concerned for my children and I have a baby on the way. SD needs counseling. BM has lied for the last 1 1/2 yrs. saying she would put her in counselingand hasn't. This month she said her first appointment would be on the 11th, but then less than a week after telling DH this said she had been going for two weeks prior.
BM is a pathological liar and we really really feel she needs a psych evaluation. SD and I have a great relationship. She is a sweet little girl and doesn't deserve any of this. I don't want a stigma haunting her because of innocent actions she plays out, due to the crap she sees at BMs. My children aren't allowed alone around SD. I feel until SD gets real help and is away from BM she does not have a chance of being normal, and I don't feel safe with her being around my DS's. SD is jealous of YDS and will be super jealous of the new baby...she wants more time here and with DH, but can't because of her mom.
A note...her mom has never cared who takes SD. We found out that the "babysitter" had raised SD since she was born until age 3 when they moved 3 hrs. away. We knew none of this because any time DH would call to pick up SD Bmwould just say they were having "family time" or had plans...the whole time SD was with the "sitter". We found that out when SD was 5. We were shocked at all that had happened without DH's knowledge. Sitter thought DH was the deadbeat BM said he was...she played everyone. Pictures, stories, med. records, all came out showing abuse to SD and a cover up by BM and step dad. CPS was called on BM and Dh was never notified by them because BM has unknownon the birth certificate. DH took BM to court right when he found out...we've had the same lawyer the whole time. We have spent thousands and don't have a lot of money right now.
There is sooooo much more (Dh wasn't told when sd was born, didn't get to see her until she was three months old, etc.). But for now we need to know what to do to help SD, protect our family, and make sure that SD isn't abused, neglected, etc any more. How can we do this without it looking bad on us in court. Will calling CPS make us look bad in court? I mean that is what the lawyer said, but he stands a lot to gain by stringing us along...as he already has. What do we do. Sorry for all the back ground info. But I really don't want anyone to think that I'm bashing BM for no reason. I'm a bm and sm. I know my boundaries, respect them, but love my family. I want whats best for everyone. Honestly DH is so confused he doesn't know what to do. He has even asked me what to do. He is at a loss for words. More and more unbelievable things keep happening. The words molested never came out of his mouth until this past visit....when SD told my YDS to do that and it all came out and was explained to DH, he told me that he believes now that SD is for sure being molested and he doesn't know by who.
Advice, please!? Court is so freaking expensive and that is the only thing that halted our previous attempt to get full custody. We've had so many road blocks and extra expenses related to SD that postponed our efforts of going to court full force. Example: BM would not take SD to the Pediatrician for a variety of health issues (she let her have strep for 2 wks before we had to have a court order to make her go to the doc., she banned DH from getting her med. records and access to SD'sschool and we had to take her to court for that, then child support court-DH is trying to pay BM and BM wont take it even though it is in the custody arrangement and each court visit is 300...that's once a month for the last year, then she is being difficult signing the cs papers....which cost more....OOOOHHH and Bm doesn't have a lawyer...it shouldn't be this difficult...but BM is determined to make it difficult and our lawyer is willing to make as many extra calls and court visits because he is racking up on this. The lawyer has even said we have a GREAT case and that we will be getting sole custody once we go to court.... THEN he said, well lets do joint so you can get more proof and documentation then we will go for sole custody. wtf. This little girl has serious issues going on.
Sorry for the vent too.... to wrap it up HELP! Sorry for typos too...I rush when I'm pissed, confused, etc.