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Homecoming and BM....

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 2:31 AM
  • 26 Replies

Well this year SS14 started high school and this Saturday will be the first year he is going to homecoming with his girlfriend. This also happens to fall on our weekend, which is fine, I am so excited for him!!

Anyway so BM texts SS14, tells him that he has to get "ready" at her house, not ours and she has his homecoming tickets. She wouldn't allow him to bring them here, for whatever reason is unknown to me.

DH is upset because BM is insiting on SS14 to come to her house and get ready there. I kind of understand where she is coming from because it is her oldests first dance, but DH feels like he is getting the shaft yet again because she is demanding that DH bring SS14 to her house to get ready. He feels like since she did this last year with his first real formal dance, when he was in eigth grade, he should be allowed to have this dance to bond with his son. I mean the kid  brought all his clothes for this dance to our house, so I am thinking SS  really did want to get ready at our house, but I digress.

He asked for my opinion, I told him instead of Mom & Dad making demands on where SS should get ready, maybe they should just ask him. I know what DH is going to do so its really a moot point, but man I feel bad for SS14 right now because I know he feels like he's caught in the middle. And there is nothing that I can do about it :(

 

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 2:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 3:27 AM
1 mom liked this
I am really dreading these days. I know that next year it will be my luck that 8th grade formal falls on dads weekend. And I have no doubt that I will be completely shut out of her very first dance. Just reading your post gave me a shutter. The next 6 years of 'battling' over these events. If anyone thinks little kids are the hardest... Think again. I'm finding that 'sharing' a teen is even harder. So many firsts and special moments. It's not fair to either parent to miss out on. But what can you do? Except cross your fingers that eventually an event will fall on your weekend.

If it's dads weekend he should just get dressed at dads. Maybe he can stop by moms so she can take photos and see him before he goes. ??
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riverofgrass
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:36 AM

And this is why it is best to try to put all the petty things aside for everyone, including BMs to respect everyones role in the kids lives.  We currently share special days and imagine in the future it will continue as well. Out relationship with BM is ok, not stellar, she does think she is #1 and nobody. Matters as much as she does when it comes to her kids.....so we remind her there is a dad and she does fine for the most part

we don't hold on to the negative stuff she does, it would. Ruin everything we have and the only people who would suffer are the kids

kids come first....wish more parents really knew what that meant

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:46 AM
2 moms liked this

I am so glad I never had to share any of these moments with my ex.

So far, we haven't had to share them with my stepkids' mom either. SS always got ready here. But I wonder if their mom will want SD14 to get ready at her house. I guess we will have to wait and see. In any case, I'm staying out of it.

The only thing that I think would really annoy me is if I buy the dress and accessories, and she goes and gets ready at Mom's. But if that happens - oh well. What can I do. 

Oh I just thought of an anecdote (just rememberd this):

SD-then-13? had some kind of dance. I bought the dress and accessories (of course). She took all her stuff over to Friend X's house (can't even remember who), where all her little cronies were going to get dressed together. She said her mom was going to go to that person's house and take pictures before the dance. She asked me if I was going to come and take pictures. I said no, but hopefully her mom would share her pictures with me. SD was annoyed with me that I said I didnt' want to go take picturees. She said, "what, you're not coming?? all the other moms are coming to take pictures, why aren't you coming?"  Truthfully it wasn't because BM was going. It was because I am really too lazy and I don't consider it a big enough deal - I didnt' do it when my own daughter did the same thing for her junior prom. But I said, "it's just pictures, I'd take the same exact pictures as your mom, so I will just let her take them and I'm sure she'll share them with me."  well...... can you guess how this story ends?  BM didnt' show up. No pictures were taken. I am not devastated because honestly there were plenty of pics taken by her cronies' moms that I could steal off facebook if I wanted to.  But... I guess the take-home message is, it meant something to my SD to have me there taking pictures. I really should have listened. I kind fo let her down. 

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 4:52 PM
Be glad you have a boy- I bought most my SDs prom dresses and all the accessories- but I got to see them every year except senior year. That year I went to ALOT of expense- with the dress and extras and alterations. My sd and her date were supposed to come to our house after she was ready so I could take photos. (I had studio photography lights and a fancy camera at the time I had been doing quite a bit of amateur photography) they never came :( when I finally called to see where they were my sd was rally hateful to me about it. I was crushed. I still don't know what happened that day.
destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 5:55 PM

We bought the tickets, she paid for his clothes.


Quoting MojoRsn:

Did you guys help to pay for the tickets...the clothes?



destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 5:57 PM

Well DH just left to drop of SS14 to his mom's. She said she wanted to do his hair and help him get ready.  I already knew he was going to do this, but now for the next few hours I am going to have to hear him complain about how BM took this away from him too....

Looks like I am getting my hair done to avoid all this crap.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Does it really matter where he gets ready? Can't your DH go to the ex's house & take his own pictures?? Can SS stop by your house after picture time at his mom's & do pictures there?

I know for sure when my DS is getting ready for homecoming I will be taking pics here, then over at GF's house too. I know her mom won't mind either because we are friends & go to church together. OH crap... my camera is broken! I'm going to have to borrow my mom's now! LOL

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 3:58 PM

Oh man I don't want to think about this!  LOL  

As for your DH he gave in.  And he needs to figure out why he did that not get mad at you.. or those around him. 

destinyangl21
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 8:34 PM

He gives in because everytime he and BM get into a disagreement she threatens to take him back to court for more CS and actually convinces DH that she will win. Which I have told him repeatedly she is ridiculous and he needs to stand up for himself.

See a little background-BM cut her hours at her work from 25 hrs with a salary of 30k a year to 4 hrs and making minimum wage and losing her benefits so that she could go back to school full time to be a nurse.

She thinks because she did this-DH is going to have to pay more CS. So to get her way she threatens court-he gives in and I'm left getting the brunt end of him being pissed off. So I just choose to leave the hosue and do something for myself in that situation.

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

Oh man I don't want to think about this!  LOL  

As for your DH he gave in.  And he needs to figure out why he did that not get mad at you.. or those around him. 



MidwestMama55
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 8:44 PM

Why don't you and your husband go to her house and spend the afternoon/early evening getting him ready together and taking pictures together? 

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