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giving your opinions on controversial subjects

Posted by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:08 PM
  • 20 Replies

Do you think it is okay for a stepparent to give their opinion on a controversial subject? What if they clearly state that this is solely their opinion and it’s okay to have different opinions? Should stepparents stay totally silent on controversial topics? Does it matter if the child asks the stepparent directly? Does the age of the child matter?

 

We had a sad incident at Scouts last night. We were selling popcorn outside of Wal-Mart, when a very bigoted and hateful man called the boys ‘gay scouts’ and said he didn’t support ‘little homos’ and ‘queers’. I was livid, but thankfully the boys seemed oblivious to what happened.

 

There was a moment that I was concerned the boys had overheard, and I was nervous about SS asking me any questions. DH had just stepped inside to use the bathroom and missed the conversation, so I was anxious I would have been put on the spot. So far the Scouts have been a wonderful experience, but after this I’m sad that SS might be exposed to such hate. What would I do if he asked me what gay meant?

 

I don’t know BM’s stance on the subject. Should I tell him to ask his dad and mom? Should I say, “This is what I think, but some people think different?” Should I just shrug and not say anything at all?

 

I’m just curious. In your opinion, what do you think stepparents should do?   

by on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:15 PM
I can't think of a time that my dd has gone to my husband about something that is controversial like that because generally she comes to me first about everything. But ... Tonight my dd did something that I felt was so awesome. My son asked what a stepdad was... Dd said, I think that is a great question for mommy and daddy ... They have the best answer.
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progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2013 at 11:35 PM
I was very upset when it happened, but I kept my composure because I didn't want to make a big scene.

Honestly I probably would have stalled until DH got back, because that is such a heated debate and I definitely don't want to be in the middle of that.

Which, comes to another question. What if BF and BM have different opinions on a controversial subject? Should they said, "I think this but you should talk to your OP too because she has different beliefs." Should they only give their opinion and let the kid found out OP's opinion on their own?


Quoting momof2ex1:

I can't think of a time that my dd has gone to my husband about something that is controversial like that because generally she comes to me first about everything. But ... Tonight my dd did something that I felt was so awesome. My son asked what a stepdad was... Dd said, I think that is a great question for mommy and daddy ... They have the best answer.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 12:39 AM
I don't know the answer to that. My ex and I have lots of different beliefs. I am tolerant and accepting of different people - my ex is judgmental of anyone that is beneath his standard which can be anything from race to religion to career path etc. I don't worry about what he tells our daughter unless it has to be corrected such as 'gay people are gross'. I WILL correct that. And I honestly don't care what he thinks. As far as his religion, not my place. We don't share religious beliefs but I won't even touch that subject. I share what I believe and how I feel IF it is questioned but I don't touch dads beliefs because it is not my place.


Quoting progressandjoy:

I was very upset when it happened, but I kept my composure because I didn't want to make a big scene.



Honestly I probably would have stalled until DH got back, because that is such a heated debate and I definitely don't want to be in the middle of that.



Which, comes to another question. What if BF and BM have different opinions on a controversial subject? Should they said, "I think this but you should talk to your OP too because she has different beliefs." Should they only give their opinion and let the kid found out OP's opinion on their own?




Quoting momof2ex1:

I can't think of a time that my dd has gone to my husband about something that is controversial like that because generally she comes to me first about everything. But ... Tonight my dd did something that I felt was so awesome. My son asked what a stepdad was... Dd said, I think that is a great question for mommy and daddy ... They have the best answer.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 7:18 AM
1 mom liked this

If I were in your spot and that happened, I would just give my opinion. I don't see where "step" enters into this.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 7:19 AM


I would not take BM's opinion into account at all, but I would take my husband's opinion into account. Hopefully the two of you have the same opinion though.

Quoting progressandjoy:

 What if BF and BM have different opinions on a controversial subject? 
Wicked.Jester
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 7:30 AM

If you are spending time alone with the child and both bio parents know this, then life is life and these situations may come up.  I would express my opinion to the child and let my DH know if I was in your shoes (I am a CSM so my shoes are different).

I would think it would be WORSE to not answer....and have the kid think he did something wrong or cannot come to you.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 7:49 AM
1 mom liked this
In cases of bigotry and racism, I give my opinion. 'Step' does not enter into it at all. I do not believe in tolerating hate speech in any form at any time - I think so many problems in this world are because people are silent when these types of comments are made.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 9:37 AM

I would think it would depend on the subject. I think in this instance if SS had asked it would be appropriate to say something especially if it caused SS to fear the situation. There are others in which I would think it would be better to send the child to the parent.

CFSTBSM27
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Well being that SDs uncle is gay we've always been very open and opinionated on deeper subjects. When SD asks me questions I answer honestly but also make it clear it's my opinion. DH does that same.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 9:58 AM

This. I know DH beliefs on these topics.  We've had conversations along the line. I generally just answer in these cases.

Quoting whatIknownow:


I would not take BM's opinion into account at all, but I would take my husband's opinion into account. Hopefully the two of you have the same opinion though.

Quoting progressandjoy:

 What if BF and BM have different opinions on a controversial subject? 


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