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worried about becoming a sm

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 3:24 AM
  • 9 Replies
So let's make it simple. I love my so an we are going to be getting married. His ex and son live in another state so I havent met either yet. Well I honestly done want to meet ex but anyways. He also has I daughter(17) who is in the same state but almost fully grown. She knows who I am but we don't really get to see her. I also have a son who is the youngest(4). I never thought I would end up a sm or that my son would have a sm or sd. I worry that its going to be hard. Our sons are so far apart in age and I my self always called my step parents by name because I never wanted to call them diffrent. How do I step into a role of sm. It scares me not knowing what to do.
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 3:24 AM
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Replies (1-9):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 5:40 AM

When was the last time your boyfriend saw his son?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 6:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not sure you would have much of a role. Your boyfriend doesnt see his son or daughter much. How much would you actually see either one even after you got married?

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 7:41 AM
I wouldn't worry so much as bf isn't super involved.

My advice: make slow changes, don't get involved in drama even when it is really really tempting and may even make you look and feel good.

Bm likely is just as concerned about you. Treat her kindly and let bf take the lead, with the kids. And just understand: it's not a perfect sitch for her either more than likely. Compassion goes a long way. And if you can't get along, just back out and let bf work with her.

Be kind and fun to the kids, but require bf to take the lead with rules and discipline.

Blending takes time. Like 7 years. Won't happen overnight, be patient.

And good luck! It isn't so hard.... Welcome to step life,::
auntyag
by Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 10:39 AM
A few months ago. But calls everyday.


Quoting amantonacci:

When was the last time your boyfriend saw his son?


soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Sounds like you will more like dad's wife than a stepmom. I would just focus on your boyfriend and not worry about kids you will have little interaction with. If/when you do see them treat them as any other family member's kid niece, nephew, whatever.

auntyag
by Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 10:43 AM
The plan is his son would come here ever long break from school and part of summer


Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm not sure you would have much of a role. Your boyfriend doesnt see his son or daughter much. How much would you actually see either one even after you got married?


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM


So you just started dating your boyfriend? 

Quoting auntyag:

The plan is his son would come here ever long break from school and part of summer


Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm not sure you would have much of a role. Your boyfriend doesnt see his son or daughter much. How much would you actually see either one even after you got married?




auntyag
by Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:34 AM
We have been dating a while but haven't done holidays together. Now my so and I are wanting to buy my childhood home from my parents and live there together and start having holidays as a family. So I say its the plan but worry how it will work out. The house is big enough his son will have his own room. I just don't know who should get which because one room is bigger then the other. I don't want anyone to feel there is a favorite


Quoting whatIknownow:


So you just started dating your boyfriend? 


Quoting auntyag:

The plan is his son would come here ever long break from school and part of summer





Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm not sure you would have much of a role. Your boyfriend doesnt see his son or daughter much. How much would you actually see either one even after you got married?







whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:37 AM


Your son lives with you, while your boyfriend's son will be a visitor. It makes sense to give your boyfriend's son the guest room when he visits.

As for your role, I would treat him like a welcomed guest. And expect that your boyfriend will want to spend as much time with his son as possible during his visits.

Quoting auntyag:

We have been dating a while but haven't done holidays together. Now my so and I are wanting to buy my childhood home from my parents and live there together and start having holidays as a family. So I say its the plan but worry how it will work out. The house is big enough his son will have his own room. I just don't know who should get which because one room is bigger then the other. I don't want anyone to feel there is a favorite


Quoting whatIknownow:


So you just started dating your boyfriend? 


Quoting auntyag:

The plan is his son would come here ever long break from school and part of summer





Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm not sure you would have much of a role. Your boyfriend doesnt see his son or daughter much. How much would you actually see either one even after you got married?









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