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Hello from the not so evil step-mom(or how my husband puts it)

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 10:58 AM
  • 7 Replies
1 mom liked this

Hello Everyone,

I am a new(ish) Step-mom of a wonderfull six year old.  The reason I say that I am newish is that I have just recently married Xander's father but we have been a family for some time now. I just now get to use the title of step-mom. One thing that is good about that situation is that neither of us have to worry about getting to know each other. I have known his father since before Xander was born, and have seen and spent time with him regularly since then. 

At the moment we are staying with my Grandmother who is in her 70's, and has pretty bad arthristis. She is slowing down and my Grandfather died a few years ago. She asked us to come live with her to give her company and help her out around the house. Now she is very independant but I think she may have been a bit lonely, and her arthritis and tendinitis is getting much worse. She still works 5 days a week in the same library as she did when I was a baby, but she possibly may retire soon due to a new change in people who run the libraries in this area. 

Xander has just started living with us comletely full time this year. Before this we had him from Friday-sun/mon), then we did weeks half and half with his mother. Then she had some personal issues (I might bring this up in more detail if it helps explain his situation better) and dropped Xander and his 1 year old brother with her parents. Her parents are already have been raising her first son since he was a few months old. We attempted to get him and take him with us however we were advised to wait and submit papers to get custody of him. We knew he was safe and well cared for with his grandparents, but we didn't want him to have to be there with no contact to either of his actuall parents. 

We finally got ahold of Xander's mother's parents, who we are on good terms with, and set-up a visitation arangement until we got all the papers filed where he would be with them during the school week and us on the weekends(friday-sunday). Once he was done with school the papers were filed and the money was paid to "serve" them. We never went to court over it because she moved in with her parents for a few weeks then had an argument with them and decided to leave. We had him for his weekend visit and she called and told us we could essentially keep him because she didn't want him with her parents, and she would sign any papers we wanted that next monday. We have had him since then although there was a bog mess when she filled out some of the papers so we had to get her to do it again. 

He is now in school in a great school district, and is loving school. He is in first grade despite only just turning 6. He is very bright but has some attention problems(not bad). He has a yard and woods to play in up here on the mountain where we live, and has friends at school. He loves to visit my Grandmother (his Grandma Bert) at the library and loves reading. He loves to do puzzles, and build things with pretty much everything. He is a great kid, but due to some of the things that were happening in his old home with his mother he has some things we are all working with him on. 

I feel horrible for him because his mother hasn't seen him since his 6th brithday party, and before that there was a large gap in time that she saw him. We have talked to her and she hasn't once asked about him. I don't know what to tell him when he asks when he will get to see her again. I love being a parent to him, but sometimes being his step-mom can be hard.

I hope that wasn't too much all at once. 

Thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of that (sorry for the typing mistakes)

by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:03 AM
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Good for you!! Sounds like he will always need you to be his mother figure!
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:10 AM
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How often do you make arrangements for him to see his siblings and the grandmother he was living with before you?
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Thank you. I do hope that I can make the difference and that my husband and I can set a better example for him than his mother is doing at the moment. I would love if his mother could get her life together and would be able to see him regularly, but no one (even her own parents) see that happening. It would be nice if she could either see him consistently so he doesn't wonder why his Mommy(or her first name as he has started to refer to her) doesn't want to see him, or just not see him at all. 

by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 11:17 AM

We have been trying to set something up at least every two weeks, but it makes it difficult that his mother is supposed to see him Fri-Sun, and now is living with her parents again(at least last week she was). When we have asked her she doesn't want him to be there more than maybe 1/2-1hr. Also I think I forgot to mention we live an hour away from his Mother's Parents(Meemaw, and Pappy). There is also another "brother" Xander constantly wants to see but was sent away to live with his real mother, who no one can find. His name was Ed and they were raised as brothers(they were step-brothers) in one of the many places she lived and then one day she pretty much just sent him away after school and never explained to Xander and he never got to say good bye. 

by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2013 at 1:10 PM
K i have a few questions :)
How long have you been actually involved in his life ? When did you move in together ?
How long ago was it that ds moved in with gparents? How long since he's been with you guys?

by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 5:36 PM

I have know him since he was born, and was seeing him and playing with him at least every weekend. We moved in together around 2009-2010. He lived with his mother and the other assortment of people she was with up until around march this year. At that point she left him with her parents and left to live with some guy I am not sure the name of. Then in may/june this year is when he started living with us constantly. Before she left him with her parents we had him Sunday-Wednesday, then it went back to weekends with us and now full time. She has in the custody aggreement to see him Friday-Sunday, but hasn't once done so. I am okay with that for now because I don't really trust some of the guys she has been living with(neither does her parents).

by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 5:50 PM

Oh and to explain my Screen name. My husband kept telling me I had to be the Evil step mother or the wicked stepmother and Xtold him I could only be that a little bit. I don't think he really was paying that close attwention to what we were saying. We thought it was funny and now my husband sometimes refers to me as the not so evil stepmother. I was going to put that in the first post and forgot. 

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