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Race of step child

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:17 PM
  • 36 Replies
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Dh is African from Africa Step daughter is full African I'm white from here My 3 kids are 1/2 1/2 I went to stepdaughters school for parents night tonight and had to tell the teacher who I was 4 times. Just because I'm white and she's black there is an issue. Grrrr!! It's 2013 get over it!!!
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by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:22 PM

Maybe they were just confused because you were a SM they didn't know you yet they knew BM.  Were you with DH?  Was BM there?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:25 PM
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My kids are white and look like me and I still had to remind the teacher at curriculum night which kid was mine...

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:02 PM
I can see how that would be frustrating. My daughters SM deals with that and it infuriates her. She is Hispanic - dark skin - and my dd is white as a ghost. However, I have to point out that it is one of the problems mixed race families deal with. If this were your biological child - I could see the point in frustration but since it's not your child, I would shrug it off. They don't know you - you aren't the actual mom so you can't let it bother you.
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SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:06 PM

It will just take time. My daughters classmate is 1/2 white, 1/2 black...but you can't tell she has any white in her. Her mom is a redhead and her daughter looks nothing like her. The only way you believe it is cause one of the older boys is lighter skinned than the others and has red hair...not something you regularly see on someone with black features.

caligirl7613
by Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:08 PM
it can get awkward and irritating. my oldest children are not bi racial (they are white) my SO is black, his daughter is bi racial and i am currently preggo. my SO has pretty much raised my kids. they obviously know he isnt bio dad but they dont care he is their dad. their "step sister" is their sister. period. and she is the same way my kids are not her step sister n brother they are just her brother and sister. some people give us the craziest or sometimes just straight rude looks when we are out in public and my older kids call my SO dad. or it really gets me when ppl ask how i plan to "explain" to my older kids why their newest sibling is a "different color" like my kids wont "get" it or something. hell they already know their sister is half black, the fact this new baby is too wont even cause them to blink twice (they r 7 and 5). but it gets irritating when ppl act like its just so "out there"
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jules2boys
by Gold Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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Are you sure it was because you're white and SD is black or could it simply be because it was BTS night and that's a night full of confusion for many?  Are there other mixed race children in the school or area?  If not, it may be 2013 but people get used to who is around and it takes them time to adjust when new people are now there.  Are you newly married to DH?  Have the teachers ever met you before or are you familiar with the school because of your own children? 

It may have everything to do with race but it may have nothing to do with race either.  I don't know how many kids are in your SDs class but YDS11 has 39 students in his class, with a teacher new to our school (but not new to teaching, she's been a teacher for more than 20 years now), so she didn't know ANYONE in our classroom of 39+ parents except the room mom (because she met her the first day of school) and one child with an IEP (because she met his mom the first day too, but didn't know who the dad was when he began speaking about his son).  It's a rushed and confusing time sometimes.  I didn't have that problem with ODS15 when he was in younger grades because I knew so many of the teachers before he was in their classrooms (long history at this school through friends kids too) but, many have now retired so that's not the case anymore.

DDDaysh
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:25 PM

Um, maybe the fact that you don't look anything like your SD just makes it harder for her to remember.  I'm sure she didn't instantly remember any of the other kids parents or step-parents either, or at least not most of them.  

When you 20-30 kids (assuming this is elementary, not high school where there's closer to 200-300) coming into your class, your first priority is figuring out which name goes to which kids.  This isn't an easy task for someone who might not be good at faces.  Figuring out which adults go with which children is an even more daunting task.  If it only took her 3 or 4 times, that's not bad.  


sissy502
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 8:34 PM

what was the "issue"?

packermomof2
by on Oct. 7, 2013 at 9:16 PM

My kids look like their father.  He's Asian.  I'm not.  I get asked which kids are mine sometimes.  My husband gets asked who he is in relation to my kids as he looks even less than them.  

I'm not offended by it and they are my children.  No point in getting offended by it when they aren't yours.

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2013 at 10:25 PM


Quoting momof2ex1:

I can see how that would be frustrating. My daughters SM deals with that and it infuriates her. She is Hispanic - dark skin - and my dd is white as a ghost. However, I have to point out that it is one of the problems mixed race families deal with. If this were your biological child - I could see the point in frustration but since it's not your child, I would shrug it off. They don't know you - you aren't the actual mom so you can't let it bother you.

LOL This makes me laugh. People have told me SS looks like me. I laugh and laugh, because well you have seen pictures of us.. And DD doesn't look too hispanic right now, but she is 100% mine. I have never let it bother me.

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