We found out from SS17 that BM is lying to SS13 when she calls and writes letters - she claims she has no money because DF owes her back child support, and says she doesn't know why DF is lying about everything or why he has broken up the family.
The family is broken up because BM went to jail. DF ended her CS when he retained full custody last month. As for the lies, lets just say she's gotten caught in some doozies when her family confirmed what she had been doing. However, none of us have ever told SS13 about this.
Last night, I started a conversation with DF in front of SS13 at dinner. I said "oh, I was just balancing the check book and wanted to make sure you had mailed the CS for SS17?" SS17 is living with BD, DF is his adoptive dad. DF looked at me strangely for a minute, so I continued "the reason I ask is the check hasn't cleared the bank yet, and I just want to make sure they have the CS in full, on time". DF caught on and said yes, he'd mailed it, and BD had mentioned yesterday he received the check and thanked us.
My goal was to have a conversation in front of SS13 confirming that DF is a good dad, not the deadbeat the BM continues to complain about. We never speak ill of BM, or his time with her. We ask if he had a good conversation, how BM is doing, encourage him to write letters, and send pictures. We're trying to be good, positive role models. The conversation was just a quick brainstorm last night and I hope it was positive. Any advice? Thanks!