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This is a doozy and long- pissed at BM for continually doing things!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:10 AM
  • 27 Replies

Background:SS16 got into trouble and is currently on probation.  BM was not married to her current DH before this but they were "engaged".  At this time residence was one week on/off with BM.  SD came in after being at BM's the previous week and broke down about how she missed her mom.  SD said that she never gets any time with BM because she is always with her now DH in the bedroom and his kid/kids are always there.  So my DH texts BM to let her know about the incident with SD.  A couple of days later BM texts back and says she has a plan that will solve that.  SD10 should move in with her full time and SS16 should live with us full time since that is how her now DH's arrangement is with his EX.  My DH knew something was up because she fought so hard against the 50/50 arrangement last time in court.  Anyway after numerous text messages and emails and phone calls we find out that BM's DH's ex was not allowing their kids to be around SS since he had gotten into trouble and BM was having SS stay at her mother's house when it was her week with skids.  After the truth came out about the real reason she wanted the change in residence, SD starting acting out and telling DH how she wanted to live with BM so she could see her more. Well obviously this hurt DH's feelings but he wanted what was best for her.  We sat down SS and asked him what he wanted and he almost started crying because this was the first he had heard of it.  He actually said my mom doesn't want me to live with her?  That broke our hearts as you can imagine so DH did what he thought was best for the skids.  SS16 now lives with us and SD10 now lives with BM.  They have one overnight each week and WOWK. 

BM's overnight is Wed night and SS stays with grandma because BM's skid is there.  SS16 is also in football, JV and varsity so he has football games 2 nights a week and FFA events.  She has been to 2 of his JV games.  She goes to every game that her skids have and that SD10 has and that her DH has.  SS made the comment last friday night that he saw us there but he didn't see his mom again.    My DH text BM to let her know about SS's comment because he was obviously hurt by her not being there.  Saturday afternoon SS made the comment that his mom texted him and that next weekend they were going to go to a movie.  DH read the text from his mom and she never said that.  BM told SS that she was watching a movie with SS's step sister and SS asked if him and BM could go watch the sequel next weekend.  BM's response: Let me ask my DH and maybe we can bring your step sister since she wants to see that movie too.  Hello lady - he wants time with you!

I don't understand how a BM could basically give up residence with her son for another man and his skids.  My SS knows why he is living with us now and why she doesn't come to his games.  I get why he is lying about the text messages from her.  It really pisses me off that she is putting her current DH and skids ahead of her own son.  She rarely attended the therapy sessions and met his PO once.  She doesn't follow the PO's rules for SS or anything.  I know how selfish this woman is but I am really bothered by it and my heart breaks for him.  They used to be really close but now I see the resentment he is building for her and I can't do anything about it. 

Any advice?

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:16 AM
3 moms liked this


Me neither.

From time to time, we have posts in here about "which should come first, the marriage or the [step]children," and opinions vary on that. I typically post that  it is very rare that a parent has to choose beteen their marriage and their children. This would be one of those rare examples. This mother chose wrong, in my opinion.

Quoting grits71:

I don't understand how a BM could basically give up residence with her son for another man and his skids.  

happymommy1105
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:22 AM

what did he get in trouble for? 

as long as he isn't molesting little kids or giving them drugs/alochol....i don't see why he should be kept from his siblings by his mother. 

what a shitty thing to do!

sadly you cant make somebody step up who doesn't want to. 

see if you can get him some counseling because this is going to have lasting effects on him!

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:26 AM

I agree- her son needs her and she shouldn't be with a man that doesn't support that.  I am one of those people who say marriage comes first.  But I also say -don't marry anyone that won't support your relationship with your kids.  Terrible

Rae706
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:28 AM

Wow! How sad. Poor guy!

grits71
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 

Quoting happymommy1105:

what did he get in trouble for? 

Sexual indecency with a minor since both are underage.   And that is a whole other set of feelings on my part.

as long as he isn't molesting little kids or giving them drugs/alochol....i don't see why he should be kept from his siblings by his mother. 

It's his step dad's ex wife that will not allow their kids to be around SS so BM basically sided with her DH and pushed SS away. 

what a shitty thing to do!

sadly you cant make somebody step up who doesn't want to. 

see if you can get him some counseling because this is going to have lasting effects on him!

He has been in counseling since the "incident" and to be honest I don't know if he can be helped with his issue that got him into trouble.  The counselor diagnosed him with porn addiction and said he will always have an issue with it. Just like any other addiction it never really goes away.  It's just controlled.  His counselor also talked to him about how he came to live with us and SS said he understood why he was.  But I think he's trying to figure out his emotions and finally displaying some of them since he really hasn't yet since all of this has happened.  I think maybe BM not being involved in something that is important to SS is causing it???

 

kristinbugg
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Mom made the wrong choice.

Like WIKN said, there are often posts which question who should be first priority, spouse or children (most often, step children). I, personally, believe that children should be first priority, in most cases. They didn't ask to be born, they can't leave the situation and they didn't ask for their family to be broken (in cases of divorce or separation).
grits71
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:04 PM

 

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

I typically post that  it is very rare that a parent has to choose beteen their marriage and their children. This would be one of those rare examples. This mother chose wrong, in my opinion.

This is the same woman that requested my DH give up primary residence of my oldest SD19 now.  She told him to choose between her and their kids or his other daughter 8 at the time.  I shouldn't of expected anything less from BM.  She's a fine example of psychological testing before you have kids! Lol 

Quoting grits71:

I don't understand how a BM could basically give up residence with her son for another man and his skids.  

 

happymommy1105
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:26 PM


Quoting grits71:

 

Quoting happymommy1105:

what did he get in trouble for? 

Sexual indecency with a minor since both are underage.   And that is a whole other set of feelings on my part.

Okay was that somebody being over zealous because he took a pee outside? Cause I have heard stories like that before.  

s long as he isn't molesting little kids or giving them drugs/alochol....i don't see why he should be kept from his siblings by his mother. 

It's his step dad's ex wife that will not allow their kids to be around SS so BM basically sided with her DH and pushed SS away. 

If he was actually doing something wrong, I can understand the caution taken.  I can see not leaving him alone with the kids until he gets more help or something under control.  I mean as a mother, I can see her concern. But his BIO mom should also realize that she isn't helping the situation at all.

what a shitty thing to do!

sadly you cant make somebody step up who doesn't want to. 

see if you can get him some counseling because this is going to have lasting effects on him!

He has been in counseling since the "incident" and to be honest I don't know if he can be helped with his issue that got him into trouble.  The counselor diagnosed him with porn addiction and said he will always have an issue with it. Just like any other addiction it never really goes away.  It's just controlled.  His counselor also talked to him about how he came to live with us and SS said he understood why he was.  But I think he's trying to figure out his emotions and finally displaying some of them since he really hasn't yet since all of this has happened.  I think maybe BM not being involved in something that is important to SS is causing it???

Yeah, I can see where mom is making this all worse instead of helping anything.  Her child needs her and she left him.  He needs her to show him the right way to help him and guide him.  She needs to step up and realize that being a mom is through everything- not just when things are good before shit hits the fan! By pushing him away, she is going to cause him more damage and somebody needs to tell her that- a professional would probably be best.  

God bless you! I don't know if I could handle all that! 

 


faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:33 PM

 nope. BM here does the same shit. she never comes to ss12 games. ever. she came to one last year for 15 minutes and it was only to pick up ss5 and stayed for a few minutes to "be seen" and get her credit i guess. she never spends alone time either. her bf's bad ass kids are always there. she does things w them but not w the skids. she always sends the skids to our house.

BrandiGra
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 2:53 PM

 Need more info on 'the Sexual indecency with a minor since both are underage.'part.

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