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Extra Curricular Activities... **EDITED**

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:07 PM
  • 32 Replies
OK... Parenting plan says both parents must agree on ECAs and that they will pay 50/50. If one parent wants to put her in something they can do so but must pay for it them self and it must not interfere with the others visitation.

I know we don't have to allow it per the parenting plan. But is it wrong for DH to say no to SD cheerleading because it messes up his weekends? SD is 6 and wants to cheer because her sister is doing it. When BM talked to DH about it, he said no because we live 2 hours away and the Saturday games would really kill our time with her. I am not sure I think that's fair. For once I agree with BM. SD needs to be able to do what she enjoys... even if that means she misses out on some time with Dad. I think she needs to be aware of the fact that she will miss some weekends with us because of timing and the long drive, but I don't think he should have said no without some discussion!

What do you think?

****EDIT****

Talked to DH tonight and he understands where I am coming from. We have decided to stick by his "No" for now but to promise SD that when she is 8yo and in 3rd grade we will let her do it. We also talked to BM and decided that we will pay half of gymnastics at the YMCA for now which will help prepare her for cheering and will only take one night a week so it will be easier on her too.

Thanks for all of your suggestions... :)
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:10 PM

Even if your husband says no to cheerleading, at some point, she is going to have ECs on his weekends. Being 2 hours a way is going to interfer with that. He should be thinking of a plan for when that happens (more time in the summer, or school breaks - or more half-weekends).

awesomemommy2
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:14 PM
The father has no issue with the sister doing it? How old is the sister?
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DLMsMommy
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:14 PM
I agree! I have been telling him since she started school that this was going to happen eventually... he just doesn't like that it happened so soon I guess.
DLMsMommy
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:16 PM
The girls have different BFs. Her sister is not his child.


Quoting awesomemommy2:

The father has no issue with the sister doing it? How old is the sister?

grits71
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:19 PM

My DH and I are at an impasse on this one.  He wasn't allowed to do EC's when he was growing up because his mom is a loon but I did whatever EC I wanted and my parents supported me.  I would ask him if him saying no is worth having his daughter upset?  I mean how many games are there? Can he not take the time out to maybe meet BM half way before the game and then half way to pick up SD?  Us women are good at making our men think the idea is theirs.  Spin it to where he will understand it and be more open to allowing her to do it.  Or come to a compromise with BM on DH's weekends.  The kids shouldn't be punished for no fault of their own between parents.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:23 PM
2 moms liked this

Is your sd's sister also your dh's child? Has he experienced a child being involved in cheer yet?

EDITED: Sorry, just saw that you answered the question.

I don't think you guys truly understand how much time cheer usually takes. I think at six time with dad is more important that cheer. A six year old is not capable of fully understanding the consequences of less time with dad and she has plenty of time later on to be involved in such a time consuming sport. 

My dh and I are also two hours away from bm/skids.  My ysd is now in competitive cheer. My dh was not ok with it until last year. Why? Because she is now old enough to fully understand the commitment and can understand that she will be giving up a lot of time with dad as we can't accommodate the travel it requires on a consistent basis.  As it is, my dh has to take both kids back much earlier on Sundays to accommodate her practices which cuts into his time with not only ysd but also osd.  On weekends she has meets we will go if it is not too far but for the most part, her meets would require a six hour drive which isn't feasible.   He has given up a lot of time with her to accommodate her interest in this activity. 

DLMsMommy
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:25 PM
LOL... DH says he loves me because I am not a "typical woman" I am not good at spinning anything, there is not an ounce of subtility in me. :) Wish I could sometimes though... might make my life easier.


Quoting grits71:

My DH and I are at an impasse on this one.  He wasn't allowed to do EC's when he was growing up because his mom is a loon but I did whatever EC I wanted and my parents supported me.  I would ask him if him saying no is worth having his daughter upset?  I mean how many games are there? Can he not take the time out to maybe meet BM half way before the game and then half way to pick up SD?  Us women are good at making our men think the idea is theirs.  Spin it to where he will understand it and be more open to allowing her to do it.  Or come to a compromise with BM on DH's weekends.  The kids shouldn't be punished for no fault of their own between parents.


looneytunes290
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:28 PM

I think he should be making a plan for when she gets older- but I don't think cheerleading trumps dads visits for a 6 yo- his parenting time is more important for a child that young I think-

DLMsMommy
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:35 PM
Wow! That is insane... SD just wants to join a pee wee football/cheerleading league in the town they live in. No travel or anything. Just practices 4 days a week and games every Saturday. His issue is game time is so late that it would be bedtime by the time we got her home and then we have church on Sun AM and then would have leave to take her right back home after lunch. So it kills all the time we have with her on the weekends.

I do see what u and others are saying... maybe I will let it go for now and save this fight for when she is older.


Quoting jlg12678:

Is your sd's sister also your dh's child? Has he experienced a child being involved in cheer yet?


EDITED: Sorry, just saw that you answered the question.


I don't think you guys truly understand how much time cheer usually takes. I think at six time with dad is more important that cheer. A six year old is not capable of fully understanding the consequences of less time with dad and she has plenty of time later on to be involved in such a time consuming sport. 


My dh and I are also two hours away from bm/skids.  My ysd is now in competitive cheer. My dh was not ok with it until last year. Why? Because she is now old enough to fully understand the commitment and can understand that she will be giving up a lot of time with dad as we can't accommodate the travel it requires on a consistent basis.  As it is, my dh has to take both kids back much earlier on Sundays to accommodate her practices which cuts into his time with not only ysd but also osd.  On weekends she has meets we will go if it is not too far but for the most part, her meets would require a six hour drive which isn't feasible.   He has given up a lot of time with her to accommodate her interest in this activity. 


jlg12678
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:52 PM

Look at it this way...if there is a game every Saturday that means you guys will have to either drive to get her Friday, take her back for the game, and either leave her with bm to save time/money by not driving back again or suck it up and bring her back to your place and turn right around Sunday to take her back. That is alot of driving every Saturday.

At six it is not worth it to me. There are other ec's she can do that will allow more flexibility on everyone involved.


Quoting DLMsMommy:

Wow! That is insane... SD just wants to join a pee wee football/cheerleading league in the town they live in. No travel or anything. Just practices 4 days a week and games every Saturday. His issue is game time is so late that it would be bedtime by the time we got her home and then we have church on Sun AM and then would have leave to take her right back home after lunch. So it kills all the time we have with her on the weekends.

I do see what u and others are saying... maybe I will let it go for now and save this fight for when she is older.


Quoting jlg12678:

Is your sd's sister also your dh's child? Has he experienced a child being involved in cheer yet?


EDITED: Sorry, just saw that you answered the question.


I don't think you guys truly understand how much time cheer usually takes. I think at six time with dad is more important that cheer. A six year old is not capable of fully understanding the consequences of less time with dad and she has plenty of time later on to be involved in such a time consuming sport. 


My dh and I are also two hours away from bm/skids.  My ysd is now in competitive cheer. My dh was not ok with it until last year. Why? Because she is now old enough to fully understand the commitment and can understand that she will be giving up a lot of time with dad as we can't accommodate the travel it requires on a consistent basis.  As it is, my dh has to take both kids back much earlier on Sundays to accommodate her practices which cuts into his time with not only ysd but also osd.  On weekends she has meets we will go if it is not too far but for the most part, her meets would require a six hour drive which isn't feasible.   He has given up a lot of time with her to accommodate her interest in this activity. 



 

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