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Stop calling for nonsense!

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:24 PM
  • 16 Replies

So DS21 and his fiancée (now wife) booked a beach destination wedding which was last week. DH and I left Wed - came back Sun. As soon a we returned, before even going home, we went to pick up SD17 just to spend time with her. We'd been gone for 4 days and just wanted to see her face. It was late, so we didn't stay long. Put some souvenirs in BM & SD's hands, showed some wedding pics and left.

Here is my gripe, and it really isn't a true gripe...just a hot button for some reason. Every time DH and I go somewhere - anywhere; it can be a trip (which SD has joined us on except for 2 this summer) or just a local date night, SD and BM blow his phone up constantly over stupid shit. Things that can definitely wait until later. Such as, Senior Fees due dates which can easily be emailed or texted, but we get the same emails that BM gets from school). Besides that, we've already paid the Fees; all they had to do was thoroughly look at the spreadsheet; SD's name was NOT even on there because she owes $0.00. But the entire time, at the rehearsal dinner, at the picture session, at the actual ceremony...our phones were blowing up!

When we finally reached them, we had several text messages like "thanks for not talking to your daughter at all today, she's been calling you!" as if she's a fucking baby or something! Hello? My son, (DH's SS) got married! We weren't sitting around twirling our thumbs! My folks flew in, so DH was mingling with his in-laws and helping DS with final details, while I assisted my DIL. Both SD and BM know this: they received an invitation!

Every single thing does not revolve around YOUR child, BM! SD17 couldn't go because BM refused to let her miss 2 days of school. Cool, no biggie, but why blow us up the entire time...for non-critical issues, then try to slam DH for not being accessible?! She had an opportunity to go but YOU said no. And you want to talk about some Fees that WE'VE ALREADY PAID, lady?! Fuck off my phone, you're bored.

I remember a time when DH used to cave into their every stunt (mostly executed by BM), but when he read the surly texts, he just laid his phone back down and we hit the beach! He called his daughter when he got good & ready; the very next morning. What'd she want? Absolutely nothing! It was her mom texting from her phone! Does anyone else's skids or BMs call relentlessly? I'm not talking about emergencies or things that cannot wait. I'm talking about people, old enough to decipher need vs. want, emergency vs. something that can be tabled until later (like, AFTER a wedding ceremony), who call repeatedly like maniacs. Seriously, there were 11 missed calls, 4 texts messages on our phones within a 5 hour period. Hell, on the Gulf Coast, our phones barely had a signal anyways! Half the time, I didn't even know where my phone was!

In our defense, we talked to SD that morning before all the craziness began; she even talked to DS21 to wish him well. These particular calls/texts suddenly started after school hours. I swear sometimes, its like they (sometimes SD is in on it, too) resent DH having a life, outside of them. Get over it already, he's been married for 8 years now and STILL manages to take excellent care of his daughter. What else do you want? I'm finished with my rant. I feel better now.

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WorkingOT
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:26 PM

Not sure why my paragraphs didn't separate!  Lol

DeliteCrazy
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:35 PM
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I'm wondering did dh call Bm, and ask her if it was OK if you all stop by?
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bebcarroll
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:37 PM
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I would keep the phones off during something like a wedding and before all the festivities started I would call the girl (your stepdaughter) and ask if there is anything she needs handled, you will be out of contact until... the ceremony is over, the weekend is over, etc. and then tell her you love her and will see her... that night, the next day what have you.  And then, do not accept any calls until the appointed time.  I would (being the Nice person I am ) even call her mom and say "We will be out of cell phone range for x amount of time any business you need dealt with needs to happen now or not until later."  And then once you have talked to them, shut your phone off and be done with it.  No where does it say that you have to be reachable 100% of the time.  (you can check your phone periodically if you need to in case there is an emergency.)  I would change my number in your situation, but I am not one to carry a cell phone except under the direst of circumstances, so take that with a grain of salt.  I HATE being reachable all the time.  (As for the 'she wanted to talk to you all day" guilt trip she is 17 she can wait a few hours without taking to you.)

WorkingOT
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:43 PM

Yes, we called when we were an hour away.  BM said to come on.

WorkingOT
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:46 PM

I agree.  When we talked to SD that morning, we went over all of that.  BM is the one who used her phone to start spazzing out.  SD17 is in love, so she thinks, and spends more time talking to her BF than dear old Dad.  This was ALL BM's doing.  Funny thing is, when we reached her home, she runs out to hug both of us like nothing had happened.  Really?

sheramom4
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:46 PM
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My kids call me for mundane things all the time. Sometimes from the same house. So in terms of SD, I would say that is being 17 and just do not answer every time. Send a text with when you will call her back. My middle DD tried to FaceTime me while I was in huge bathroom the other day to ask what was for dinner. 

BM I have no idea why she feels the urge to call all the time. 

DeliteCrazy
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:49 PM
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Well, that was nice of her, don't you think?

If her calling over nonsense, than block her from your phone.

What else is bothering you? It seems that Bm is pretty compliant, when she doesn't need to be.


Quoting WorkingOT:

Yes, we called when we were an hour away.  BM said to come on.

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jlg12678
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:17 PM
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My dh learned long ago to ignore unnecessary texts/emails from his ex. Unless it is an emergency regarding the kids she can email as she is co'd to do.

I'd have turned off the phone. He does have that option and if the calls become ridiculous why not just press off and enjoy your vacation time?

WorkingOT
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:52 PM

I agree, which is why our phones were left behind.  We chatted with SD that morning, then went on our way.  When we returned, that is when we saw the insanity.  I would never take my phone to a wedding, especially my son's and have it 'on.'  It got frustrating trying to hear & be head on the phones in that area.  So most of the time, especially on that day, we didn't even take them out. 

We also called SD the day we left (after dropping her off at practice) and told her how badly we wished she was joining us.  She understood that her mom decided against it.  Both me and my DS went out of our way to send her pictures, jokes and buy her souvenirs.  So to read a text from BM accusing DH of not talking to his daughter really irked us, but like I said, following DH's lead, I took a dive in the Gulf! 

I might consider blocking her from my phone...seriously.  Why send that mess to my phone too?  Desperation?  B I N G O.

Thanks, ladies.  Have a good evening.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 6:41 PM
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Your dh used to 'cave' to them.  Now he's not.  Great. He's stopped this but they haven't.  How long ago was he still caving, still jumping at every call either of them made?  If it's not been that long then perhaps they still expected that he would make their 'nonsense' calls important?  If it's been a while, then DH (and you) did the right thing by leaving your phones behind, and returning calls when your plans were complete.  IMO it doesn't matter that you and DH were at your sons wedding.  I don't care if you'd gone out for ice cream and stayed for 5 hours.  Their repeated calls weren't necessary on any level, but again, if this is relatively new that DH isn't available at a moments notice, that could explain why they both called incessantly. 

Me?  I'm a BM who will do just about anything other than call XH.  If I must talk to him, usually I'll email or text.  I'd rather not hear his voice.  I think he feels the same way since we both go with email/text over calling/speaking to each other.  I've often told people that virtual technology is WHY XH and I had such a good divorce!  We'd have made each other miserable if we had to only talk to each other for the first few years.  ;)

Question, do you know if BM does this with others in her life or is this saved just for DH? 

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