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UPDATE IN RED - I think BF has lost it

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:39 AM
  • 40 Replies

So next week, DD will be going on a 10-day school trip abroad ... far far abroad! The whole trip is a huge adventure ... very scary, since most of the girls speak very little of the country's language ... very different culture and customs! The trip is organised by the school via a specialist tour operator, three teachers will be accompanying the girls, they have an incredibly interesting and challenging schedule ahead of them ... it's truly a trip of a lifetime.

Now, DD happens to be visiting the town where SM was born, and where SM's parents still live. DD has never met these people, never spoken to them on the phone either (DD doesn't speak their language, and they don't speak English). Now, BF has come up with an outrageously  stupid idea ... he wants DD to check which girls in her year group who do speak the language fluently (through their parents) will go along, and then arrange for one of these girls to take DD to SM's parents house, so DD can introduce herself, bring gifts and be welcomed into SM's family ... the other girl is to facilitate this meeting by translating for DD.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! First of all, I will NOT allow DD to separate from the group (nor can I imagine any of the other parents allowing their daughters to accompany her into what is effectively a stranger's house). She's got lost in Spain earlier this year when she got separated from her group ... but had a working cell phone on her. She'll have a cell phone there as well, but only a local one which will allow her to receive calls,not make them. If anything happens on this excursion, she would be unable to get help.

These people, whilst SM's parents, are total strangers to DD (who is 13) ... it would be very akward for DD (and for the other girl, assuming BF would find another set of parents stupid enough to go along with this) to talk to total strangers! Plus, DD has very little interest in SM and her two children, whom she sees EOW ... she couldn't give a monkey's arse about her parents.

I'm petrified that BF will start actively contacting parents. Not concerned that they'd actually go along with it, but concerned they might associate ME with this stupid (and dangerous) idea! Would you put a stop to it straight away by telling him it isn't going to happen?

Yesterday afternoon, BF collected DD from school to wish her a good trip (she left at 3.40am this morning ....aaaargh)! When he dropped her off at mine, he informed me that SM's nephew (a university student with good command of the English language) would contact DD once she gets a local SIM card for her phone and then visit DD at the hostel to collect the gift for SM's motherl. He expects DD to inform the teacher accordingly. I doubt that the teacher will entertain the request of a 13-year old girl and allow her to receive a male visitor in his early-20s ... for all you know, she could have picked up the guy on the internet. However, I kept that to myself and also didn't mention it to the teacher this morning ... BF had both the teacher's number and email address and could have informed her directly. SMH!

by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 Absolutely would put a stop to it!! I have a 13yo. If she was in a tour group, no way would I encourage her to leave that group. When my oldest DD went on trips, the rule was that if she ran off from the group, did not show up at check ins with chaperones, ect... The parents, at their own expense, had to pick the child up from wherever they were on the trip. Is that not required on her trip? 

Pero3
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 8:54 AM

Well, when DD spoke to him earlier today, he said he'd find her a "translator" (i.e. fellow student) first, and then inform the teacher of his intentions. I'm totally against this, whether the teacher gives permission or not.

If they want to come and visit DD ... and the teacher is fine with it and it doesn't mess with their tight schedule ... by all means, do so! But he says the customs in the country would be for HER to go to their house! 


Quoting kellynh:

 Absolutely would put a stop to it!! I have a 13yo. If she was in a tour group, no way would I encourage her to leave that group. When my oldest DD went on trips, the rule was that if she ran off from the group, did not show up at check ins with chaperones, ect... The parents, at their own expense, had to pick the child up from wherever they were on the trip. Is that not required on her trip? 


 

kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 13, 2013 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Lol, well... Customs in her country is she doesn't go up to a strangers house. That he really thinks its okay for 2 young girls to go off on their own in another country... Boggles my mind!! Tell him how sex trafficking starts with a taxi ride for some girls. 

Quoting Pero3:

Well, when DD spoke to him earlier today, he said he'd find her a "translator" (i.e. fellow student) first, and then inform the teacher of his intentions. I'm totally against this, whether the teacher gives permission or not.

If they want to come and visit DD ... and the teacher is fine with it and it doesn't mess with their tight schedule ... by all means, do so! But he says the customs in the country would be for HER to go to their house! 


Quoting kellynh:

 Absolutely would put a stop to it!! I have a 13yo. If she was in a tour group, no way would I encourage her to leave that group. When my oldest DD went on trips, the rule was that if she ran off from the group, did not show up at check ins with chaperones, ect... The parents, at their own expense, had to pick the child up from wherever they were on the trip. Is that not required on her trip? 




leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 9:37 AM

If all it takes to stop him is to just tell him to stop, then do that. Otherwise, be content in knowing that no other parent will be loony enough to go along with that plan, and it is only loony because she is 13. 

You allowed him to have decision making authority with your child so possible association will him and his parenting ideas may not be avoided.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 9:43 AM
3 moms liked this
Oh, gez. I would shoot the teacher an email and let her know that's a no-go and have her inform the other parents. SMH.
FloridaMomma
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:07 AM
I agree with this.



Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Oh, gez. I would shoot the teacher an email and let her know that's a no-go and have her inform the other parents. SMH.

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FloridaMomma
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:07 AM
I agree with this.



Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Oh, gez. I would shoot the teacher an email and let her know that's a no-go and have her inform the other parents. SMH.

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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this

I would stop it and I probably would be proactive and start talking to teachers. .."If you hear from this nutter, I've told him absolutely not..."

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this
I would imagine such a trip probably violates the school's safety policies. And I doubt they'd want the liability if a kid went missing.

Contact the school, and give them a heads up. Let them know exactly how you feel and your concerns. In all likelihood, they will be on the same page.
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Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 10:51 AM
Ya I agree. She doesn't know them and won't even be able to communicate with them. Will just be weird. And deff shouldn't separate from the group and teachers
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