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Oppositional Defiance Disorder in a step child

Posted by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 1:49 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hi all,

I'm a step mom to a very complicated 16 year old and am having trouble dealing with the stress of his oppositional behavior. I am becoming depressed and anxious. Any advice?

by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 1:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this

He can't defy you if you don't tell him anything.  I'd let Dad handle everything to do with the kid.  

larissa5512
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:05 PM
Don't ever give in is all I have, my DS is ODD I was told to have a huge support system and never let them gain control, fight them no matter what, stand your ground, ut also choose your battles for your sake and theirs :) mines not a teen yet so I don't know what its like then. But now, I know its hell on earth with this kid. Every damn thing is battle, from making his bed to eating meals to doing home work. Every damn thing is a fight, and some days I just want to give up. Hang in there it will get better :)
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:05 PM

 id have his parents do all the heavy lifting.

i am the mother of a 15 year old with this. he was a nightmare for ME from 12-14. at 15 he improved. he isnt mean though and never has been. he cheerfully refuses to listen, lol.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 3:15 PM

Why not seek advice from your DH and follow his lead on this?  I don't have a child with ODD (so take this for what it's worth, which may not be much at all?) but it does seem like DH would be the place to look for 'advice', based solely on his child and the tactics the therapist has suggested be followed by the school, teachers, and parents/adults involved with this child. 

yakette1
by on Oct. 15, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Thanks for the advice. I have decided to let his Biological Dad deal with all behavior. I leave the room when he becomes unruly and I have removed myself from all communications with him when defiance kicks in. I even changed my seat at the kitchen table so that I would not be next to him so that when his horrendous table manners begin I am not close enough to remove his plate (which has been my MO). 


So far it is working and being less stressful for me. I just have trouble with the oppositional ranting and raving. It's like living in a war zone. 



DDDaysh
by on Oct. 15, 2013 at 2:48 PM

That's par for the course with ODD kids.  It takes alot of therapy and specific parenting skills to mitigate that behavior.  

Quoting yakette1:

Thanks for the advice. I have decided to let his Biological Dad deal with all behavior. I leave the room when he becomes unruly and I have removed myself from all communications with him when defiance kicks in. I even changed my seat at the kitchen table so that I would not be next to him so that when his horrendous table manners begin I am not close enough to remove his plate (which has been my MO). 


So far it is working and being less stressful for me. I just have trouble with the oppositional ranting and raving. It's like living in a war zone. 




Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 9:38 AM

Can you work with his therapist to learn some tools to help/mitigate the situation?

I am not very familiar with ODD. I can imagine that it's quite difficult, especially when you don't have the bio filter of it being your own child.  I think that were I in your shoes, I'd be enlisting the help of a professional to guide me.

OvertiredMommy
by Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 6:37 AM
My advice is too run. From experience, if mom and dad had done their parenting right, his behaviors would have been under control by now.
EmbraceTheChaos
by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:37 PM

SS6 was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when he was just turning 5 last year. I can tell you from that point, not a teenage, that because DH and I set strict routines, discipline plans, etc, we never experienced the violence to the extreme of what occured at BM's house or at the school, where he basically got to call the shots. I would def leave the majority of handling this to his parents but also stand your ground as an adult in the house and dont allow him to walk over you. Good luck...

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 12:48 PM
Ain't that the truth. My son found his focus w football but lately he has been angry because e isn't starting (he's only a sophomore on varsity, he plays a lot but he is mad that the older kid starts on tight end) I keep positive reinforcing and it calms down but it is annoying to listen to him

Quoting DDDaysh:

That's par for the course with ODD kids.  It takes alot of therapy and specific parenting skills to mitigate that behavior.  

Quoting yakette1:

Thanks for the advice. I have decided to let his Biological Dad deal with all behavior. I leave the room when he becomes unruly and I have removed myself from all communications with him when defiance kicks in. I even changed my seat at the kitchen table so that I would not be next to him so that when his horrendous table manners begin I am not close enough to remove his plate (which has been my MO). 


So far it is working and being less stressful for me. I just have trouble with the oppositional ranting and raving. It's like living in a war zone. 




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